


It Starts With a Question

by xxxDreamingflowerxxx



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Mix between a multi-chapter series and a series of one-shots, Psychological, Romance, Supernatural - Freeform, action later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 03:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 43,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5190209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxDreamingflowerxxx/pseuds/xxxDreamingflowerxxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who would have known that something so simple and innocent, would lead to an endless turmoil of separation, desperation, despair, comfort and love? From friends to lovers, this is a story about Touka and Kaneki's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Starts With a Question

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a one-shot idea when I was at a food exhibition. Don't look at me, everyone loves food and I get inspired by it very often. 
> 
> Anyway, due to its popularity on Fanfiction and my increasing ideas, I decided to turn this into a mix between a multi-chapter story and a one-shot complication. They chapters can all serve as an individual one-shot, but if you connect them together they would make a whole story. It sounds weird, to be honest, this is the first and only time I've made a story like this one. Since this fic has been a hit on both FF and Wattpad, I decided to post it here too.
> 
> After each chapter, I will write down my thoughts about the chapter, explain certain things and my experience while writing it.
> 
> Original publish date: 12/15/2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently trying to revise the chapters for any grammar and spelling errors before I want to update the story. No matter how often I check and check, I keep spotting new errors.

The sound of the chime that hung on the door signaled that another customer had left satisfied. Today was a quiet day compared to others, only a few customers had appeared, which was a good thing because it meant no running around from one place to another for orders.

Touka sighed as she leaned against the wall staring outside at the people passing by, despite the season, it wasn't such a cold day. Mid November, sure a harsh wind once in a while and the trees had almost lost all their leafs, but she could go out in a jacket and not freeze to death.

Her attention was drawn to a small child who kept skipping happily with some kind of sweet in her hand, licking it repeatedly. The teenager frowned, she always wondered what humans liked about sweets, it's not even that healthy them. Then again she could say the same thing about all the other human food. Yoriko once tried to talk her into having pizza together after a long day of finishing their homework together. She almost gagged, but deep inside she was curious about how the humans tasted the food, what was their definition of sweet, sour, dry or salt.

She kept wondering until her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening and chiming bells. She looked up, wondering if another customer had arrived until she saw the all too familiar eyepatch and sank back in her position. "Oh, it's only you." The high school girl mumbled.

Kaneki sweat dropped "Also hello Touka-chan." The boy stopped as the glanced around the almost empty coffee shop. "It's surprisingly quiet today."

Touka only answered with a nod. "The manager went out to get more coffee, he should be back soon."

"I see..."

An awkward silent fell over the two as Kaneki returned in his uniform. Touka just kept staring outside the window, tapping her finger against the counter.

The half-ghoul glanced at his bored colleague uncomfortable as he tried to come up with something to break the silence. "Uhm, Touka-chan..."

"How did you used to describe human food?"

The college student blinked at the girl's sudden question. "What?"

"When you were still human, how did the food taste?"

Kaneki backed away nervously as Touka got a bit too close for his taste. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "It's not easy to explain. All human food has different kinds of flavor and also everyone has a different taste. It depends on what you like and dislike."

Touka frowned. "So you're not going to explain it?"

"I can try, but it's not easy, especially since you can't experience the taste of human food as humans can."

Without any warning, Touka grabbed Kaneki by the back of his collar, checked in case there were any customers, which luckily for her weren't and dragged the boy upstairs. "We're taking a break," She responded before the raven-haired male could ask anything.

The female ghoul pushed Kaneki on the couch, in the room where Hinani used to sleep before she moved in with Touka and gave him a strict stare while crossing her arms in front of him. "Tell me how human food tastes to humans!"

"Why do you want to know in the first place?" Kaneki asked.

"None of your business, dumbass!"

The boy sighed, he should have seen it coming. He decided to give in to the tomboy's demands, he figured if he didn't, she'd beat the crap out of him. "Human food has different flavors, you could say it's similar to how human meat tastes also different depending on the human."

Touka nodded slowly.

"Humans distinguish flavors into sweet, spicy, sour, salt, bitter and more. Those flavors can differ in strong, mild, dry and even a mix. Snacks like sweets and chocolate are mostly sweet in flavor while chips and such are saltier. Junk-food is also mostly a salt flavour, but high in fat. Vegetables have a soft flavor..." Kaneki explained as he tried to remember the times before the incident that changed him into a half-ghoul.

Sadly the guy got interrupted when Touka smacked his face against the couch. "I can't understand a damn thing you're saying! Try to explain it in a way even ghouls can understand!"

"Uhm..." The boy sweat dropped.

The Ukaku ghoul snorted and let go of her colleague's head. Of course, how can I ask that of an idiot who refuses to eat humans and survives on sugar cubes and coffee only."  
The girl slumped down on the couch and sighed. "Just forget that I asked you such a strange thing."

"It's not strange," Kaneki answered softly.

"Hah?!" Touka turned to the half-ghoul and gave him a look.

"To be curious about the things you can never experience... It's not strange, even humans have such desires." The teen's face was slightly flushed and he was scratching his cheek awkwardly. "And I really want to help you, but it's hard to describe it. Flavors aren't something solid and, I think even humans... Taste the same thing differently. No one is the same, so the things they experience, be it taste in food or something else, are different to every individual. I guess even to ghouls the same type of coffee tastes different." He turned towards Touka with a gentle innocent smile.

The high-schooler scratched the back of her head awkwardly. "Is it still strange for you?"

Kaneki raised his eyebrow curiously.

"To not being able to eat human food anymore and taste it?"

"I guess it still is." The boy admitted. "Once in a while I still wake up in the morning, wondering if it was all a dream, but the moment I see my empty fridge I know it isn't, well somewhere I still have trouble with accepting this way of life. My favorite hamburgers have become my least favorite, together with everything else I used to eat. What was suppose to be healthy for my body became poison." The raven-haired half-ghoul chuckled while scratching his chin awkwardly for a second time. But, in return I get to meet you all, the manager, Yomo-san, Kaya-san, Enji-san, Hinami-chan and you Touka-chan and that's not bad.

The Ukaku ghoul stiffened when she felt his back against hers, she didn't notice how close they've been from each other. "I-idiot." She mumbled.

They just sat there, enjoying each other's presence as uncomfortable as it felt to both of them. Until Touka suddenly stood up, letting poor Kaneki fall on the ground. The boy grunted and clutched his sore head.

"I'm getting us some coffee, I'll be right back."

"Uhm, alright." He answered weakly. The moment Touka left the room he laid his head on the couch. And let out a deep sight. He didn't know what got into him to say such things and Touka for once was... Being a lot less mean that normal... Maybe he was hallucinating? He quickly shook his head, trying to convince himself not to have any ideas, something probably happened at her school. He turned to face the window and took off his eyepatch. He stared at his half-visible reflexion. His eye looked normal as if he was still the same old, but he knew that it wasn't the case. "I guess I still have trouble with accepting... My current self..."  
He rested his head on his arm and closed his eyes, relaxing his shoulders and focusing on the sounds outside.

After a while, he slowly opened them when he felt something on his shoulder, to be more specific warmth. He turned his head to the left just to be face to face with a warm cup of coffee.

"Let's just say it's on the house," Touka smirked as she sat down next to him.

They both took a sip at the same time. Both looked content by the taste of the drink.

"I guess, I'm a little bit envious of you..." Touka admitted. "You were able to live as a human for the first eighteen years of your life. Without the fear of being hunted down every day, you could taste and experience things I only can dream of. Sometimes when I'm at school and see how my classmates enjoy themselves as humans... It makes me feel a bit..."

She stopped in her mid sentence as she noticed how engrossed Kaneki seemed to be, he was staring at her and it made her feel uncomfortable. So she did what she normally did, she smacked him on his face and pushed him off the couch. "W-what are you staring at idiot?!" She quickly turned her head to hide her blush, anyway, let's go back. The customers are probably waiting, downstairs." The dark-haired girl quickly stood up and left the room, leaving Kaneki there, speechless at the girl's absurd behavior.

He blinked a few times and slightly touched his face. Touka called after him, demanding to go downstairs and he quickly snapped out of it, running after the girl with a smile plastered on his face.

"What are you smiling at, dumbass!" The teenager sneered.

"Ah, nothing. I just thought that it was nice, to have a moment where we can share our troubles and just relax."

"Don't get so full of yourself shithead! It was only a one-time thing! Don't start believing that I'm suddenly soft and weak on you!" She barked as she passed the university student and continued to work.

Yes, it was only a one-time thing. _'Stupid Kaneki.'_   The Ukaku ghoul thought. _'Making me act like a weakling.'_

She didn't look back at the boy, his smile was still present as he continued his work. Touka had no idea that it wouldn't be the last time, nor would both of them know what the future had in store for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but whenever I'm hungry, I always get ideas for fics, this one was also influenced thanks to my gluttony. I also believe that at some moments people tend to have the urge to come clean with whatever is bothering them to a friend, even Touka. She mentioned before how much she wanted to be like humans and like every teenage girl, so she'll have her moments where she's fussing about small things or her curiosity keeps her thoughts busy. I still have that very often and they sometimes they're about the most useless or ridiculous things, I'm probably not the only one. I really enjoyed writing this, the moment I began working on this story I felt like a burst of inspiration. I wrote this story in one go. Whenever I'm in a writing frenzy I have this amazing feeling during writing, I picture everything so clearly, and the emotions I pour into the story as if I'm present there, watching. The characters every step and every sentence. it's one of the best feelings ever! I think this is one of the few chapters where I'm 100% satisfied with the outcome.


	2. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Gourmet incident, Kaneki has nightmares about the traumatic events. It's up to Touka to console him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet, sweet angst! I blame Tokyo Ghoul for this, because I've become such a sucker for this genre! I love it! It's great to write about it and explore the character's inner emotions and fears.

_“Hmph, time for a little taste.“_

Kaneki coughed out blood the moment Tsukiyama pierced his stomach.

The koukaku ghoul stared at his blood drenched hand and placed it in his mouth, savouring the flavour of Kaneki’s blood. _“Trés bien! I have never… experienced this taste ever before… It’s a deeply intertwined harmony atop my tongue!”_

He placed his hands together in front of him. _“Shit… it’s better than I expected… Ho… however…"_ He glanced back at the beaten up half-ghoul. _"Now I want to find a good topping all the more… I don’t want to finish ‘Kaneki Ken off just like this…!”_

Kaneki hardly paid any notice to what the ghoul said to him, the pain of his broken arm and the whole in his stomach kept his thoughts busy enough.

Touka tried to lung herself at the Gourmet, launching a kick at him, but Tsukiyama grabbed her leg with ease.

_“Kirishima-san… at that time, your coldness was wonderful. But right now, you’re no good. Somehow, the light in your eyes was lit.”_

He plunged his kagune through Touka, making her gasp.

 _“That’s unfortunate, Kirishima-san,”_ Tsukiyama smirked. _“There was no need for such a thing to happen to you.”_

All Kaneki could do was stare in horror.

 _“But, you’re interfering dinner,” T_ sukiyama growled, while starting to laugh, his kakugan activated.

Kaneki mustered up his strength, but he could only move so slightly. _“Tou…ka-chan…!”_

 _“This is getting more and more interesting,”_ Tsukiyama commented.

The half-ghoul gritted his teeth. _"Stop it…! If you want to eat me then come over here and do it!_

_"Hahahahahaha! I’ll be over shortly and I’ll include a cut of the girl’s meat along with it.”_

_“Why do you so simply…"_ Kaneki hissed in pain before continuing. _"Throw away a person’s life as if…”_

Tsukiyama looked over at the boy in half-amusement. _“Were you intending to start spouting human-like concepts such as the value of life…?”_ He walked over to where Kimi lay, placing his left hand on the altar. _“Isn’t it arrogant to put a price on it whether it’s higher or lower, Kaneki-kun? We are just bags of meat. The weak bow down and the strong devour them.”_

Kaneki tried to get up again, but the pain was overwhelming and he hardly had any strength left. He could only sit there and watch as the Gourmet returned his attention to the human girl. _“Rather, if you compared them to all living things, it’s humans who have shaved away the most lives. We are different than them. All we can do is kill humans.”_

Tsukiyama turned to Kaneki, a creepy smile plastered on his face. _“Well then… Bon appetite!”_

* * *

Kaneki shot up from his bed, completely drenched in sweat. The half-ghoul tried to capture his breath, but his body wouldn’t calm down.

“It was just a dream, it wasn’t real, I’m safe.” The boy repeated in the hope to calm down.

He slumped towards the bathroom and splashed water from the sink in his face. Kaneki was slightly startled when he looked in the mirror and noticed his left eye changing slightly. He rubbed his eyes and checked in the mirror again, only to find nothing out of the ordinary.

The 18-year old went back to bed but discovered that he wasn’t in the mood to sleep at all. With a frustrated groan, he hid his face under his pillows and closed his eyes. 

* * *

The following day, was like most of his days, except that Kaneki had trouble with concentrating during his classes and even fell asleep, to Hide and the teacher’s surprise. Neither said anything about it since Kaneki performed very well, but during his shift at Anteiku, it made his friends worried.

“…a…ki… neki… Kaneki!!”

“Waah!” The boy quickly rose from his half-slumber state and stared at Hide who was giving him and odd glance. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes, of course, I am.”

His friend frowned. “Really? Because you were sleeping in class. I don’t mind you taking over my notes, but you’re also slacking off at work. You’ve spilled coffee twice already and Touka-chan seems to be getting nervous.”

Kaneki turned to find the girl glaring from a distance. “I guess, I haven’t slept well enough.”

“Don’t tell me you’re reading books through the whole night now? Geez, I know how much you like reading, but don’t overdo it. You’ll scare away all the cute girls!”

Kaneki sighed.

“Kaneki!”

The two friends turned to Nishiki who was leaning at the door leading upstairs with Touka next to him and signaled him to follow.

“I guess, I’ll be right back. I’ll probably get scolded for my lack of attention.” Kaneki said awkwardly.

“Sure, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hide waved as the half-ghoul disappeared behind the door.

The raven-haired boy silently walked into the room, where Nishiki and Touka were waiting. “Go take a rest, you look worse than shit.” Nishiki said.

“Uh, but I?”

“At this rate, you’re creating more work for us.”

Before Kaneki could protest Touka threw a blanket and a pillow at his face. “If you need anything, we’ll be downstairs. The two left like that.

Kaneki stared at the pillow and blanket. They probably were aware that he hadn’t recovered after the battle against Tsukiyama. The boy sighed and collapsed on the couch, feeling the weight of his body increase with the second. 

* * *

He found himself in a dark place, the sound of Tsukiyama’s laughter ringing in his ears.

_"Eat Kaneki-kun, eat! That way I can enjoy myself to the fullest by eating you at the same time! Grande!”_ Tsukiyama yelled in delight.

Kaneki froze as he felt some warm liquid pouring from his mouth. He cleaned his mouth with his sleeve, only to notice that it was blood. _"Ki…mi…_ sa _…“_

The boy froze, the liquid felt warm, but it wasn’t as satisfying as it was suppose to be. It actually felt disgusting, like vinegar, but with a very faint sweet aftertaste. The half-ghoul looked down and froze even more. _"No… It can’t be…”_

Short dark hair that had become red due to the overflowing blood, those normally cold, glaring eyes, shocked and sad at the same time.

_“NononononoNONONONONONO!”_

Upper and lower body severed and her arm, in the clutches of his kagune.

_“Please, it can’t be..! T…”_

She glanced up at him, lips slightly parted trying to get the words out of her throat. _“Kaneki…”_

_“TOUKA-CHAAAAN!!!”_

* * *

Kaneki gasped as he woke up from his nightmare, panting heavily. He looked around in the room frantic and felt his stomach twisting in disgust of the dream, he was about the stand up until he felt a hand grabbing his wrist gently. The university student glanced to his right and noticed those same eyes staring at him worryingly. He let go of the breath, he didn’t even know he was holding.

“Are you alright? You were crying the whole time, so I thought that you needed…”

Touka couldn’t finish as Kaneki pulled her into a hug, tears still spilling frantic from his eyes. “Thank god. Thank god.”

“Uhh.” Touka answered awkwardly as her cheeks turned slightly pink. After a few seconds it finally hit her what was happening, she considered pushing him away and scolding her colleague, but as she saw his current state, she decided to let it slide… For now.

“Is there anything you need?” Touka asked awkwardly when Kaneki calmed down.

“N-no thanks.”

The ukaku ghoul sighed and stared at the boy. “If… You still have trouble with sleeping… I can allow you to stay at my place for while, since Hinami will be there too.”

The girl was taken aback when the hug tightened. “Thank you, Touka-chan.” He responded softly.

She could feel his breath on her earlobe and it made her even more uncomfortable. “D-don’t sit here like an idiot.”

Kaneki, finally realizing what he was doing quickly let go, his face burning up from embarrassment. “S-sorry.”

The two left the room and just now did it sink into the half-ghoul how long his nap had taken. It’s was very dark and quiet, also, the only light that was on at the moment was the hall.

“I’m sorry for leaving all the work to you and Nishio-sempai.”

“Don’t sweat it, it’s better than you collapsing during work and breaking all the glasses. Now, go change quickly.”

Kaneki nodded. After five minutes, he reappeared again in front of her and they left for her apartment. 

* * *

The click of the keys snapping the door open and the sound of the door were the only sounds breaking the quiet night. The two entered Touka’s apartment and slid off their shoes quietly.

“Hinami is probably asleep, so we should be quiet.” Touka responded.

Kaneki only nodded as he followed her into the living room.

“Take a seat, I’ll get you some coffee, you’re probably thirsty.” The ukaku ghoul said as she quickly turned towards the kitchen.“

Kaneki only responded with a soft answer, not sure if Touka had actually heard him. To be honest he felt uncomfortable. Ever since that conversation during work. It was the first time that Touka was so open to him and since that time, the two had become slightly awkward when they were in each other’s presence with no one else around. The raven-haired teen shifted uncomfortably and looked around the place. This was his second visit in Touka’s home. The first time when he was helping with setting up Hinami’s room. He finally allowed his eyes to rest at Touka. Her back was turned to him, but she seemed slightly stiff.

He had no idea that she felt as awkward as he did. But Touka tried her best to focus on the coffee for the time being. She was already fidgeting near him, but after that sudden hug it became worse. _'It's not your fault, you’re not used to getting hugs, it’s just that idiots fault._ ’ She tried to convince herself. It didn’t help much that she also felt his gaze on her.

When the coffee was ready, she returned towards the living room and sat across of Kaneki. They both drank it slowly in an awkward sense that was similar to the one weeks ago.

"So, you can use the bed for the time being.”

“Huh?” Kaneki looked at Touka questionably. “But, where are you going to sleep.”

“On the couch, dumbass.”

“But wouldn’t that be uncomfortable for you?”

“I’ve had worse.” She responded casually. “Besides, you need it more than me at the moment.”

“… I’m sorry… For causing you trouble.”

God, he pissed her off. “It’s not.” She grunted, pushing down the angry emotions that were piling up. “I’ll get you something to sleep in…”

She stood up, gazing at Kaneki from head to toe. “But I’m not sure if it will fit you, due to our heigh differences.”

“Ah, I don’t mind.”

Touka disappeared into her room and quickly came back with a black short and some pants. “Here, try these on.”

The half-ghoul nodded as he finished his coffee and disappeared into Touka’s room. Touka picked up her coffee mug and decided to wait for him. Kaneki returned not soon after. He was looking slightly awkward while Touka inspected him. The coffee mug between her lips as she took as sip from it. It wasn’t that bad, it looked a bit small, but you wouldn’t be able to tell at first glance.

For Kaneki it still felt uncomfortable. Not because he was wearing girl’s clothing, but because they were Touka’s. he could smell her scent on them. It wasn’t a strong scent, but it was pleasant and he didn’t want for Touka to catch him sniffing, that would earn him a beating and a more awkward wall between them.

The short-haired girl gave him a nod and a new toothbrush, which she found at the back of the cupboard in her bathroom. She finished her coffee, cleaned both mugs, put them back where they belonged and told Kaneki to sleep. 

* * *

For the first few hours Kaneki had a lot of trouble with falling asleep. Every time he closed his eyelids he heard the laugher of those ghouls from the restaurant and at last Tsukiyama, wearing the crescent shaped mask, smirking and telling him how delicious he smelled and how much he wanted to sink his teeth into his flesh. As different as the dreams were, they always ended with him screaming, be it for what happened to his, his friends or for what he did to his friends. Though, they weren’t as bad as they were when he slept at his house, due to Touka’s scent calming him, even in his slumber, so the least he got was waking up wet from tears.

This went on for a couple of days, but despite Kaneki trying his best to act as if nothing was wrong, Touka did notice and even Hinami. Those tired, distraught eyes every morning, accompanied by a tired smile.

“Is Onii-san alright?” Hinami asked one day when Kaneki had left for his classes.

Touka looked up. She was busy getting ready for her class, but since her apartment was closer to her school than Kaneki’s, she didn’t need to leave so early. “I’m not sure…”

“I hear him cry very often at night. Sometimes he even screams.”

Touka stared pensively at the ground. It was the same as when she found him on the couch in Anteiku after their shift a few days ago. “The manager is also getting worried…” The ukaku ghoul sighed.

She stood up and took her bag and put on her shoes. She stopped when her hand lingered on the doorknob and turned towards the young ghoul. A reassuring smile on her face. “He’ll get over this, I’m sure.” 

* * *

_“Let's start with the legs first, shall we? Or how about the fingers. Ah oui! They’ll be a great opening taster! Tres formidable! The arms are so delicate and easy to start with.”_

He couldn’t feel his limbs, his body felt heavy and he was in pain. Occasionally his fingers would twitch, but they’d give out soon after. While she looked like a broken doll, almost lifeless. The eyes were empty from crying and he hardly noticed any movement of breathing. He was too weak to do anything…

 _“Since you’ve giving me such a joyful entertainment I’ll allow you to choose; will you let me devour her? Or do you want to do it?”_ Tsukiyama asked maniacally while stepping on Hinami’s head. _“I’ll tell you, such an experience hardly happens, besides…”_ He said as he lifted her head slowly. _“She looks ve-ry appetizing. Not to mention, you must be quite hungry_ yourself _since you’re only surviving on those_ low-quality _cubes. How about one taste?”_

Kaneki only let out a groan, trying to muster any strength to fight back, anything. It hurt, it hurts so much, he couldn’t protect Hinami as he promised her mother. Why? Why did it have to happen to everyone close to him? _“I-I…”_ His voice sounded hoarse, weak and he hardly could form the words… He wanted to cry. _“Please… Don’t… Let her go…”_

_“What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you?”_

_“Let… Hinami-chan go…”_

_“Sure, I can do that…”_

Kaneki almost let a sight of relief, until the Gourmet chomped down on her finger and made the girl scream in agony. _“… But first, I’ll have a taste of her.”_ the ghoul licked his blood covered fingers. _“Ah, fortissimo!”_

Kaneki’s eyes widened and he let out a scream. Finding the strength, he got up and launched himself towards Tsukiyama, who dodged it easily. _“That expression is terrific! It makes you look tastier! I wanna see, what other expressions can make you tastier!”_  
Kaneki got impaled by Tsukiyama’s kagune without any effort. _“Then, how about our next dish?”_

He grabbed Kaneki be his collar and dragged him across the room, picking up another body by the hair and Kaneki lost any color he had left…

 _“No…”_ Bangs covering her face, but he could see it. _“Please, not…”_ Eyes closed, blood dripping from her forehead. _“Don’t let it be…”_ Her mouth was slightly parted, but he wasn’t sure if she was breathing or not. _“Why…”_ Left arm limb and crushed, her bones were clearly sticking out of her skin _“T…”_ Legs covered in blood and twisted in ways that shouldn’t be bearable for any living being. _“Touka…”_

 _“Hmm, those legs looks delicious!”_ Tsukiyama commented as he grabbed one of the ukaku ghoul’s legs and tore it off with his Koukaku kagune.

_“TOUKA-CHAAAAAAN!!”_

_“Do… You… Want… To… Try?”_

He couldn’t see anymore, his sight had gone hazy, but he smelled it. The scent of Touka’s blood-covered leg, the soft alluring sent that filled his nostrils and when they touched his lips… __

* * *

 

Kaneki woke up, screaming, crying, struggling anything that could help him get rid of the awful feeling, but his movements were restricted. He stopped when he felt a soft hand in his, arm wrapped around his waist, while a second one was on his head, softly caressing him an a soft voice, telling him to calm down. Kaneki turned around to meet with Touka’s eyes. She looked slightly startled and concerned, but there was also a glint of her normal glance, annoyed. The half-ghoul calmed down quickly, while he relaxed.

“Touka-chan… I.”

“Save your voice. You’ve kept us awake with your wails,” She snorted. Her comment didn’t sound as mean as it normally did. “I’ve told Hinami to stay in her room and that I would take care of it… Besides, we don’t blame you.”

“I thought I had lost you… You and Hinami-chan.” He sobbed.

Touka stayed quiet. She wasn’t really sure how to respond, no matter how hard it was for Kaneki. She wasn’t used to these situations, nor wasn’t she sure if she was doing a good job at consoling him, but, for now, she’d keep him company. She had to protect him, the pure idiotic innocent boy, who stumbled into her world and became a part of it.

“It was jus a dream, we’re both fine.”

Kaneki nodded, but still didn’t let go of the girl.

Touka just continued to caress his head gently, like a mother would do to console her child. After a while, Kaneki lifted his head and placed it against Touka's forehead. her cheeks became slightly rosy as she stared into those grey eyes of his. He looked tired and entranced with something.

“Thank you… For being there for me.” He whispered.

“U-huh…”

He leaned in slightly, which made Touka freeze with astonishment and confusion. She felt his breath on his lips while she stopped breathing at all. Her brain worked in fractions. Was he about to…? But why? He didn’t… Did he? She closed her eyes, hoping to escape the nerves and to not look at his face, wondering why the hell she wasn’t punching him or calling him names. She stayed like that for a while, until he heard some shuffle and the weight of Kaneki’s head on her shoulder.

He fell asleep… That motherfucker fell asleep!? After doing such a bold move… Was he just tired? Was that why he lowered his head because he couldn’t contain his sleepiness?

The sound of soft snoring confirmed her suspicions. That idiot was so going to die! She was about the get up, to get ready to hit him in his face, kick him in the guts for teasing her like that, but she felt his grasp around her waist, his slightly tight grip. “Please… I don’t want to be alone…” She heard the half-ghoul mumble softly.

Kirishima Touka was quiet, frozen in her position. She glanced at Kaneki after a while. His face still didn’t look very peaceful, but it was better that before. She grabbed the mattress of her bed tightly and gritted her teeth. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She mumbled. “Her eyes becoming damp as she started to remember a memory she had buried years ago.

She quickly dried her tears with her free hand and stared at the half-ghoul again. After a sight of defeat, she laid down next to him and closed her eyes. 

* * *

Kaneki opened his eyes slowly. He finally was able to sleep peacefully without having a nightmare. Feeling content, but slightly lazy to get up, he decided to enjoy the warmth of the bed more, until he heard a soft moan. The raven-haired teen froze and turned his face slowly. He spotted Touka sleeping peacefully next to him, both of her hands intertwined into one of his. Kaneki blushed slightly at the sight. To say that she looked adorable when she slept was an understatement. He smiled as he unconsciously used his free hands to touch a lock of her bangs and played with it; her hair was smooth and soft. He pushed the locks gently behind her ear to take a good look at her face. The boy realized a bit too late what he did and quickly turned around. What would he do if she woke up at that moment or what if she was awake the whole time? No wait, if she was awake all the time she would definitely said something about them sharing a bed together, which made him wonder, why was she there? He thought Touka would have slept in the living room like she did all the other days. Was she worried? He didn’t remember anything about the previous night.

Touka finally began to stir, which snapped the boy out of his thoughts. He was so going to get it.

The female ghoul sat up and blinked a few times and rubbed her eyes. She looked around the room, recollecting her thoughts and memory of the last night. Then she finally eyed Kaneki. He was frozen on his spot, waiting for the punishment.

"It’s good to see you finally got some proper rest.” She said.

Kaneki blinked in confusion. “Huh?”

“You had a nightmare again, so I had to keep an eye on you.”

The half-ghoul blinked as the memories of last night resurfaced. “I’m… Sorry…”

“Don’t sweat it, you couldn’t help it after all.”

“No, I mean, I’m sorry for getting tricked by Tsukiyama-san, you warned me and I still…”

“What’s in the past is in the past, no point in reminiscing it.”

Kaneki nodded absentmindedly. Touka suddenly realized their closeness and quickly stood up. “Get you ass out of bed! I made coffee and we need to work today.” She commended, despite having her back to the boy, she still covered her face with her hand, hoping to hide the blush that was creeping up. She quickly exited the room, leaving a baffled university student.

After a few minutes Kaneki finally lifted himself from the bed, captured in his thoughts, he entered the bathroom and turned on the shower. He didn’t remember much after thanking her, fatigue took over him, probably.

The boy felt his body relax when the warm water poured over his body, he also felt the stickiness of his sweat washing away. He wondered if he said anything in his sleep that made Touka decide to stay with him. A smile accompanied with a blush crept on his face as he remembered the female ghoul’s peacefully sleeping face. It looked so gentle and sweet, it made him want to hold her forever.

Kaneki sighed as he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, he took a towel and started to dry his hair. He probably knew all along, but never thought about it… He had fallen for the headstrong, arrogant tomboyish girl…

Meanwhile Touka was repeatedly hitting her head against the wall outside of her apartment. Trying her best to erase the memory of last night and also as a scolding, why the hell did she acted like a douce and did she had this strange feeling inside her? It was all Kaneki’s fault, that shithead did something strange to her. Neighbours who passed by gave her a strange look, but the ukaku ghoul was too engrossed to noticed, not that she would care.

“Ugh, it’s all that shithead’s fault!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the inspiration when I reread volume 4 and 5 again. The nightmares Kaneki had after he got back from the restaurant and the fight at the church. My brain was screaming for me to write the ideas down. I had so much fun writing this. It's my first time writing an angst themed chapter, so I hope I've done a great job. I showed the unedited chapter to my friend and she said that she noticed how much I'm improving with writing. Good thing for me, I still have trouble with grammar and such, since I write my stories on my iPod, and we all know how annoying the auto-correct can be. I'm using 2 different grammar check programs on the web and I hope they're helping. I do notice the changes and at least, they can find the punctuation, grammar and spelling that I miss, when I reread my stories over and over again. I'm crossing my fingers, that there hardly are any errors left.


	3. For a Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a more cheerful chapter. Kaneki and Touka's relationship keeps improving but their stubbornness too. With stubbornness comes some slight humour.

Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days and well all the other crap. Touka had to agree on that. The girl sighed as she opened the toilet door. She had checked everything in the mirror before leaving. Toothbrush, which she always brought with her, had done its job, hopefully. Face cleaned from anything, so she was sure not to bring any attention towards herself. She sighed, damn Yoriko must have been trying out new ingredients because it's getting harder and harder to stomach all that food. She stopped in her tracks when she entered Anteiku and met with Kaneki's worried-looking face. Dammit, she completely forgot about him!

"Touka-chan... Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." The girl mumbled. "Just ate something bad."

"You ate Yoriko-chan's food again?"

The ukaku ghoul gave her colleague a glare. "So what?"

"I admire your willpower to eat her food, but it's not good for you if you keep doing that. What if you collapse?"

Touka felt happy and flustered for the half-ghoul's concern about her, but god she should stop doing that! Why is she so uncomfortable near the idiot. The high school girl took a deep breath. "It's my problem if I get sick, not yours!"

Touka pushed Kaneki softly aside, on her way to start working, but Kaneki grabbed her. His face slightly serious and a bit nervous as well. "At least, take this... You probably want something nice in your mouth after eating human food.

He let go of her hand and returned to his work. Touka just stood there dumbfounded. She glanced at her hand and opened it, only to spot a meat cube. Her gaze softened as she placed it in her pocket. "Thank you for your concern... Idiot..."

The cube did help a bit. The nauseous feeling had finally subdued, but she still felt weak. So after arriving at her house, the only thing she did was sleep. 

* * *

"Hey Touka-chan, are you alright?"

The ukaku ghoul lifted her head slowly, as she stared nonchalantly at her friend. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just, couldn't sleep well the last couple of days."

"Hmmm." The blonde eyed her friend suspiciously. "Could it be... Boy problems?"

"Whaa?!"

"Has it to do with the boy who was at your place some weeks ago?"

Touka was quiet, sure she was feeling more... Uncomfortable around Kaneki, but that wasn't the reason for her lack of energy. "He's just a colleague from Anteiku." She protested.

"I don't remember you ever inviting a boy, colleague or classmate to your home."

"That's because that idiot came voluntarily... To help out with a problem, I had in one of my rooms."

"Well, isn't that polite of him. Do you know what school he attends?"

Touka eyed her friend suspiciously but answered anyway. "I believe he's a student at Kami university from the literature department."

"Oh my, Touka-chan, he's a keeper for sure!"

"Huh?"

"It's so hard in this age and time to still find a decent guy. Sure he's not a looker, but personality is important and he goes to a good university!"

"What are you saying? I don't have any interest in him." _'Besides, he's a fucking idiot who only knows how to get on my nerves.'_ Not that she would say that aloud. Her chest felt warm upon remembering Kaneki's kind words, but she quickly pushed it away. "Anyway, what was that thing you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Ah, I almost forgot!" Yoriko completely forgot their current discussion and started to talk enthusiastically to Touka's relief. "Well, the other day I watched a program about western dishes. It looked all so amazing, so I decided to try some myself!"

Touka gulped, this sounded bad, very bad. "A-and your point is...?"

"Please stop by and try some!"

"I... Have to work today?"

"Okay... How about tomorrow? You're most of the time free then."

The seventeen-year-old became nervous. She didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings, but she wasn't fond of the idea of spending another few hours in the toilet. "I..."

Yoriko stared at her friend suspiciously. "Is there something you're hiding? Do you hate my cooking that much?"

"N-no it's just... I already had plans..."  
Touka became more nervous as her friend kept staring. She had to come up with something that would drop any suspiciousness. Something... Anything! 

* * *

"I need you to hide me tomorrow, in the afternoon!"

Kaneki stood baffled at Touka's sudden and odd request. He wasn't even sure if he heard her well. "Sorry?" He asked.

"Yoriko wants me to come over to her house so I can try her new European cooking! I don't think I will be able to survive that!" The girl shuddered.

"Sure... But what did you tell your friend."

"That I had someone tutoring me on a subject I have trouble with."

Kaneki wanted to grin, but one glare from the girl shut him up. He was just so happy that after all the awkwardness she showed the last couple of weeks, the distance she kept finally began to diminish.

"Don't get any ideas shithead!"

"N-no... I haven't had any..."

Touka shoved the half-ghoul aside and went upstairs. 

* * *

As another school day was close to finishing, Touka did her best to stay awake. Since she had to take notes as today's lecture was important for the exam, but mostly due to after school and the fact that she could evade another day of eating Yoriko's samples of European cooking. Sadly, she was failing badly.

The girl was tapped on her shoulder when the last class finished. The ukaku ghoul groaned when she saw her friend grinning at her. "I've had to cover for you again"

"Yeah, thanks..." Shit, this didn't sound so good.

"As a thank you, I brought some samples with me so you can taste!" The blonde grinned even more.

Yup, shit just got real.  
"Ah, but at least during the weekend, you could come."

There was seriously no way around it...

"Kirishima-san, there's some guy waiting for you at the school gates."

Touka and Yoriko looked up as one of their classmates called out to the short-haired teen. The two looked out of the window. Touka had no idea if she should be relieved or embarrassed. 'How did that idiot...'

Kaneki stood nonchalantly at the gates, waiting for the ukaku ghoul. He felt a bit nervous since it has been quite some time since he was at a high school.

"Ah, isn't that the guy from last time? Your colleague from Anteiku, right?" Yoriko asked.

"So, you two know him?" Their classmate asked. She turned towards Touka, curiosity present in her eyes. "Is he your boyfriend?! To what school does he go? He isn't wearing a uniform, is he a university student?! I can't believe that Kirishima Touka is going out with a guy! He looks a bit plain, though..."

Touka sighed, she was getting tired of this. "Yes, I know him, he's my colleague. Yes, he's a university student, he goes to Kamii university. Yes, he's plain. _'And an idiot'_ and no, he's not my boyfriend." The dark-haired teen felt her patience decreasing, thought the idea of Kaneki and her together felt... Strange, embarrassing and something else she couldn't put her finger on, which made her annoyed.

"Are you sure you're not dating?" Yoriko whispered. "I've never seen you with a guy before, until weeks ago when I brought you some food that day. If I knew you were going to be tutored by him, I would have made more so you could enjoy it together, like last time."

Thank god that wasn't the case.

"I'm hundred percent sure," Touka said. She stared at the box Yoriko prepared and sighed. Apparently she will spend her time in Kaneki's bathroom. After a heavy sigh, she opened it in front of Yoriko and swallowed it all in one. 

* * *

Dried up oil with a sponge-like texture... Fat and only fat... Hard texture... Worms and a lot of other things she couldn't describe. What was is Yoriko had called it? Tops?

"Blaaargh!"

Touka was inside Kaneki's bathroom for over thirty minutes, throwing up the food she had tried so much to keep inside, but her body couldn't handle it and Kaneki... He just stood there outside, waiting until the girl finally accepted some help.

"Are you feeling better already?" The half-ghoul asked.

"Yes, I'm feeling fucking perfect! So good, that I could take another bite of that lunch box!" The girl barked before throwing her head back into the toilet.

"You do know that you're not obliged to eat it..."

Touka didn't answer immediately, she was panting too heavily and, to be honest, she didn't give a damn, she only wanted that terrible nausea to pass. "I... Fucking know that!" She paused again as she felt another wave of nausea coming. "But I don't want to... Hurt her feelings... Yoriko wants to be a chef someday and she wants the opinion of her friends for improvement, even if I'm no good. Even if I can't taste it or stomach any of that, even if it tastes horrible for me... At least her smile is enough for me..."

Kaneki stayed quiet and pondered over what the girl said. He could relate to Touka's feelings, but everything should have its limits, right? He didn't notice when the vomiting and panting noises finally stopped, nor when the toilet flushed and the water from the sink started to run. Only when the female ghoul popped her head out of the toilet did he noticed.

"Do you need a toothbrush? I think I have some spares."

Touka only nodded, she felt too tired to respond to anything else.

Kaneki handed her the toothbrush and some toothpaste. Touka went back to the toilet, only to return 2 minutes later. "Thanks... She said awkwardly. She still felt miserable, but not as terrible as before.

"You're welcome..."

The two stood there, the awkwardness and uncomfortable feeling that had been looming over them for the last couple of weeks had returned, but now even heavier than before.

"S-so... Do you really have difficulties with one of your subjects?" Kaneki asked as a way to break the silence.

"Kinda... But only math and literature. That's because math is unreasonable and literature is hard to understand and also boring... But I guess it's better than European food. I don't understand how people can eat that, it's even worse than the regular crap from here!"

Kaneki chuckled. "Who knows... I've never been familiar with European food, only American food and our regular... Crap." He recited awkwardly. "If you want, I can help you with literature, math isn't my strongest subject as you know, so I can't help you very much with that, but, at least, your homework will decrease."

"... Sure why not. It's not like we have anything else to kill time with."

They sat next to each other in the living room, shoulders nearly brushing, while Touka took her school bag and took out the book they had to study; The Gossamer Years.  
The story contains the diary entries of a noblewoman living in the Heian period, following her daily life with her husband and the accompanied complications of the married life of a noblewoman.  
For Touka it was one of the most annoying books, she had trouble understanding the concept of the story and what was more, the writer of the story pissed her off to no end.

"Ah, this is a very good book!" Kaneki exclaimed.

The ukaku ghoul frowned. "Huh, why so?"

"Because it's one of the few books that gives you a very narrow perspective of the noble life from a woman's point of few. Their train of thoughts, opinions, daily life. You can see how much has changed over the centuries since women hardly had any say in anything back in those days."

"I find the writer a weak, stupid woman who only knows how to whine." Touka snorted. "She thinks she had it hard? Don't make me laugh, she had everything, living in comfort and luxury, nothing to fear, didn't need to hide from danger. She doesn't know what real pain is!"

Kaneki turned a soft gaze on the girl, understanding the real meaning behind her words. "Every person has his or her problems, the situation it applies to is just different. The author was afraid that her husband would lose interest in her since she lives in a polygamy, where The Lord has multiple wives who compete for his attention. The life there for the women is very lonely since they're surrounded by competition, they can't trust anyone, servants are hired by The Lord, they only abide by his wishes and when The Lord loses interest in his wife, she won't have anyone else to turn to. Her family isn't there with her, her children might give her some comfort until some point, but that's all. If they anger The Lord or offend him they may lose her life... It's a very lonely life there..."

"Geez, what are you a woman?" The female ghoul snorted.

Kaneki blushed. "Uhm no, it's just that I've read this myself when I was still in high school and other stories that are similar to this one. They're all very different, but they all have the same lonely feeling when you read it..." He responded while scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

Touka just stared at him for a while. She had noticed already, from the moment he came to work at Anteiku, despite him being a human previously, he never mentioned anything about his family, no comments about being worried that they would find out or that he would eat his family, only that idiotic friend of his, who tried to flirt with her once in a while. He lives by himself, no cards or anything... It's probably because he has no one... She never bothered to ask, because she knows very well how painful the subject is.  
"... At least... It's good that our society has changed... For the better. Since we're not restricted by the rules of the past, it's easier to have some company with you, without getting worried about the consequences."

The half-ghoul looked bewildered at the dark-haired girl's kind words. She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed in content. Kaneki's heart skipped a beat, but he said nothing, he just let her and enjoyed the close contact. Unconsciously, their hands drew closer to each other, barely touching.

Unlike Kaneki, Touka thought her heart was going to jump out. She felt her face heat up like never before. She wanted to move, but her body refused, it was frozen on spot Her thoughts became hazy when she noticed Kaneki staring at her, gently and caring like always and his sweet smile present, like the moments when she enters Anteiku. Their faces so close... Wait did that mean? What did that mean? She couldn't be... She expected to hate it, the strange feeling, to shy away, but she didn't, nor did she had any urges to scold, bark or any other violent actions."

"Touka...-chan..."

Closer, and closer, and even closer, so close when...

Touka froze, sudden nausea began to resurface. She quickly got up, making Kaneki fall and quickly rushed towards the toilet. Holy crap, what did Yoriko put in that food!

"Blaaaaghh!"

Kaneki stayed on the ground, watching the door Touka had disappeared into. He felt disappointed and embarrassed at the same time. Embarrassed, by the sudden bold move and because their lips almost brushed each other, disappointed because they were so close and yet...  
Kaneki sighed, oh well, what happened, happened. He heard Touka groan and throwing up again.

The half-ghoul sweat-dropped. He didn't deserve to feel like that, since its Touka who has it harder, still affected by the food. The boy noticed a note in Touka's bag and picked it up, opened it and read it curiously.

I hope you like it Touka-chan, I had a hard time deciding what to make, but I finally decided on a mix of dishes from different countries, also some Asian ones;  
Escargots (which are apparently snails. I tasted them myself and they're not as bad as you'd think.)  
Crickets, yeah I didn't know either you could eat them.  
Caviar; (it took me all my allowance to get this)  
Hassenpfeffer: this one is German. I'm not sure what it exactly means, but I think it has some hare meat...

Kaneki didn't bother to finish, he quickly crumbled the paper and threw it away. No need for Touka to know the horrible truth about Yoriko's odd dish. At least, it explained Touka's condition and her resurfacing nausea. If she were to find out the truth her condition may worsen. The boy got up slowly, feeling slightly unwell himself after reading the note. He wouldn't be surprised if not only ghouls but also humans refused to eat it. He was sure that before the incident he would be one of those.

He went to the kitchen, prepared coffee for him and Touka and walked back. It took Touka a whole hour before her stomach finally calmed down and by that time the coffee had gone cold for the third time. 

* * *

Kaneki would have thought that things would have gone easier the next day, but no. When arriving at Anteiku, to start his shift he got greeted by Touka's smirk and a suspicious box in front of her. He didn't know why, but he had a bad feeling. "Hello, Touka-chan... Are you feeling better?"

"A lot better than yesterday." The girl replied.

"Ah, that's good to hear... What's inside that box?" He had a feeling that he shouldn't have asked that, but he'd find out anyway.

"This?" Touka held up the wrapped up box. "Ah, Yoriko came by and gave it to me... She wanted me to taste... Her other dishes..." Touka's face had turned slightly green upon looking at the packed lunch. "So, I'll have to eat this too... She also asked me something about ingredients or something and if it wasn't too weird, I don't know why, though."

Kaneki stiffened, remembering what was written in the paper. "A-are you really going to eat that after what happened? I mean, even Yomo-san tells you not to."

"I don't want to hurt her feelings and she's gone all the way to give it to me so, it'll be worth enduring it."

Before Touka could say anything else Kaneki quickly grabbed her lunch box and ran to the back of the shop. The Ukaku ghoul was first surprised, but that turned quickly into anger as she followed her colleague to the back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! Get the fuck back here, shithead!"

When the girl finally arrived at the employee's lounge she spotted Kaneki with the lunch box open. Before the girl could take one step, the half-ghoul swallowed everything within seconds... Or at least, he tried, between his gagging, coughing and drinking bottle after bottle. Touka didn't do anything, she just there-there, frozen after seeing the slightly amusing, but still very unexpected scene.

When Kaneki finally finished, he turned towards the ukaku ghoul, mouth formed into a small twitching smile and before he could do anything else, he collapsed.

"Kaneki!!!"

All the other employees, including Yomo and Yoshimura, entered the room after hearing Touka. They all stood baffled and surprised when they saw Kaneki lying on the floor. Nishiki started to chuckle, which turned into mad laughter.

"Holy shit! Don't tell me that idiot ate those shitty lunches you get from your human friend!?"

When Touka kept an awkward silence Nishiki lost it and fell on the floor, clutching his stomach.

Yomo just shook his head and lifted Kaneki from the ground. "I'm bringing him upstairs."

Yoshimura nodded and told all the others to get back to work.

"Hmm, who would have known that our Kaneki would have the guts to swallow all that, after his failed attempt to eat a sandwich." Enji mused.

"He'll probably be in bed for the next couple of days, wouldn't he?" Irimi wondered.

"How stupid can you be! Hahahahahaha! And I already thought that dumbass had reached the highest level! I guess I was wrong. " Nishiki grinned, still not over his laughing fit.

Slowly, the room was cleared and all the ghouls went back to their work, except for Touka. She was still staring at the spot where the half-ghoul had collapsed, expression unreadable. She closed her hands tightly and fitted her teeth. "Idiot, why did you had to do that for me? I'm so going to beat the crap out of him!!"

The girl sighed and finally raised her head, memories of the previous day suddenly resurfacing. She had completely forgotten due to her nausea, but now she recalled a moment where they almost... Touka shook her head frantically, her face had become completely red.

It couldn't, could it? He was an idiotic shithead that got on her nerves all the time.

"Arrrghhh!" Touka yelled. She tugged at her short hair and stormed out of the room. 

* * *

After closing hour, Touka decided to check up on her colleague. Kaneki was still unconscious, she wondered if it had something to do with the food.

The ghoul sat on the ground next to the couch and kept her gaze on the boy. He didn't looked very peaceful but troubled neither. The girl flinched when she caught his scent. It wasn't a very strong scent, more like a soft one, with a mix of what she would describe as sweet and something else she couldn't put her fingers on.  
Touka wondered if his scent had anything to do with her strange behavior and actions. She quickly pushed her thoughts away and looked back at Kaneki, who was breathing peacefully, in and out. His lips looked soft and the same feeling of the last day resurfaced. She remembered is hot breath on her skin and shuddered at the thought of how close they were.

Touka sighed and stood up, taking one more glance at Kaneki's slightly distraught expression. It reminded her of the conversation about the book she had to read. A smile crept on her face and she leaned in and placed a kiss on Kaneki's forehead. "Good night, dumbass." She whispered, before leaving the room.

Little did she know, that when she left the room Kaneki opened his eye, face flushed, but a smile also crept on his face. He touched his forehead, where Touka had kissed him. "Good night Touka-chan."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took well, many turns from the original idea. I was planning to make it more humour and romance, showing that there's even some human food that some of us don't dare to eat, like some French dishes, seeing a snail makes me already throw up, eating one... Ugh! I got this idea Because of my love for food. I can't help it. I become quite delusional when I'm hungry. XD it was supposed to be all comedy, but in the end, it took a lot of turns. I can't help the fluff, I'm too addicted to Touken! I started to fantasize about fluffy moments and after I got the artbook, gosh it became even worse! So many ideas! I just felt like showing more conversation between Touka and Kaneki. Also, please don't kill me for ruining your kiss scene, I just felt like I had to, it was important to build their relationship more. We have gotten to the point where Kaneki is aware of his feelings and has a grasp of what Touka's are and Touka just figured out her's and isn't completely sure what Kaneki's are. For us, it's super obvious, but for a girl who has been shunning human contact, except for Yoriko since well, a long time. Even falling in love will be hard for her.


	4. Those Who Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touks anguishes over her inability to protect Kaneki after he was Kidnapped by Aogiri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was requested by treeofsakuras from Fanficiton. I really love angst. I don't know why but damn I get so sucked into it.

Patience is power.  
Patience is not an absence of action;  
rather it is "timing"  
it waits on the right time to act,  
for the right principles  
and in the right way.

-Fulton J. Sheen

Sometimes people tend to not treasure their memories and time spent with those who are close to them and end up regretting it in the end. Touka could understand now why... It's wasn't that she appreciated her memories, instead she had treasured them too much, which ended up in her having more regret.

She should have spent more time with him, she should have been more accepting, no matter how difficult it had been for her to even establish any kind of relation with another person, let alone a half-ghoul, who has been human until recently...

It had been like two or three days since Kaneki was taken away by Aogiri. Yoshimura said he would gather everyone, but she hasn't heard anything since then. She had taken a break from school since she was in no condition to go. The first day she just laid on her bed like a lifeless doll, allowing tears to fall down her face and frustration loose, the second day she started to cry as she had trouble sleeping and now she just laid there, stuck with the empty feeling she came to know too well over the years...

Taunts of her brother would haunt her dreams, telling her how weak and stupid she is, how she should just give up and accept the fact that she's a man-eating monster. Or whenever she was nearing unconsciousness, she could hear whispers and words of reassurance from the boy remained in her mind. It was driving her nuts.

Whenever she imagined that kindness of his, his smile, the warmth of his body, his smell, the short moments where they touched, be it a slight brush from their shoulders or their hands, his breath, even engraved since the day she went to his house. It made her want to bang her head against the wall. So close and still so far away, if only her nausea wouldn't have kicked in, dammit! They would have, they could have...

What would have happened?

Would they have confessed their feelings for each other? After months, Touka finally had realized her feelings for the eye-patched half-ghoul. But what about the boy in question? Was he already aware? Would they really have made the step? They could easily return to the awkwardness that had been lurking between them for weeks. Or would they start a relationship? She really had no idea, nor wasn't she sure how to react...

Touka lifted herself from her bed and glanced at her clock; 16.38 and it was already dark. She sighed, of course, what else would she expect in the middle of December...

Another sigh escaped her breath... Christmas Eve was nearing and she had hoped to spend it with Kaneki... And his birthday too, which would have been in a few days... The girl sighed again. Kaneki had told her his birthday after another 'tutor' session. He had asked her birthday first, as the book they were going through contained lots of mentioning about birthstones. Too bad they never got as far as Touka wanted, since both became so conscious of each other, maybe if only she noticed sooner.

"Stupid idiot... why wasn't I strong enough to protect him? Why do I have to wait?"

She sighed again. Maybe they could save him in time... Before something bad happens to him and then, they could celebrate his birthday together... She glanced at her closet, one of the doors was slightly open, so you could peek inside to the a wrapped present laying in the corner.

The present she had bought for Kaneki.

She wasn't sure he would like it since she wasn't sure what genre he did and did not like, but at least, she believed that he would enjoy it.

A smile crawled on her face as she imagined the expression the half-ghoul would have when she gives him his birthday present.

She decided to lay down and closed her eyes.

* * *

Another day had arrived and still nothing from Yoshimura. Touka sighed. She just stared from her bed at the window, watching how the raindrops kept hitting the glass, the sound was reassuring to her. It helped her to distract her from her problems.

The day was sour, just like her mood. She didn't have the energy to do anything, how much she hated this, the silence, the insecurity, the frustration, the waiting.

"Why did I stop training so intensely in the first place? Ah, right... School..."

She stood up, feeling way too cramped, also, Hinami would probably be as worried as her.

When Touka walked into her living room, she found the young ghoul drinking some coffee. "Ah, hello Touka onee-chan." The thirteen-year-old smiled. "I got you some coffee too."

"Thank you Hinami." The Ukaku ghoul replied. She took a seat next to Hinami and started to drink.

"So... Have you heard anything?" Hinami asked.

Touka shook her head. "Yomo-san and the manager have both been quiet, I wonder why it's taking them so long..."

The girls got interrupted when they heard a knock on the door. Touka sighed and stood up, to see who would be bothering them with Hinami following behind. To their surprise, when Touka opened the door, they saw Yomo standing there. The older ghoul looked over Touka shoulder to see Hanami's face popping out, just behind the older female ghoul, with the same hopeful, curious expression as her older sister figure.

"Yoshimura is waiting."

Without any respond, the two girls grabbed their jackets and followed the Ukaku ghoul silently.

* * *

Touka had trouble with sleeping, too much happened in such a short time... she felt so... The girl blinked, what was she feeling? Anxious? Probably. Elated, maybe also, restless? Definitely and a lot of other things that she had trouble to identify, but... There was one thing he was sure off... She had hope...

After Yomo had dropped her and Hinami at Anteiku, he went off to get the others. Yoshimura had finally revealed that they would go rescue Kaneki, which made everyone relieved. The girl wasn't that thrilled with the idea of Tsukiyama coming along... But as long as Yomo was there to keep an eye, it would be fine and with Uta and Irimi joining too, it made her very confident about their rescue plan.

Which brought her to the restless state she was in now. They couldn't leave immediately since they had to act carefully. Aogiri's stronghold would be hard to infiltrate and escape wouldn't be easy either with all the guards... Thus, she went back to waiting... again...

"Please be safe..." The ukaku ghoul mumbled.

She got up and walked over to the closet where she had Kaneki's present. She wondered if they would be on time to celebrate his birthday, or would she have to give him the present next day? The girl tried to come up with ideas on how she would give the half-ghoul, his present, but they all sounded so wrong and stupid, so unlike her...

Behind those happy thoughts, she knew that she shouldn't be too optimistic, as Yoshimura's words to Yomo still rang in her head. _'The Kaneki-kun we've known until now... probably isn't around anymore...'_ She wasn't sure what he meant by it, nor wasn't she sure if she wanted to know. Touka had no idea, but she felt fear when the old ghoul spoke those words. Does that mean that There's a possibility that Kaneki wouldn't be alive when they arrived? Or something far worse?

The ukaku ghoul took one more glance at the present before she closed her closet. Better not to think about such things, it wouldn't help her anyway and it would make her only feel worse.

A soft knock interrupted the sixteen-year old's thoughts. Hinami entered after Touka answered. Her normally innocent face completely serious. "Onee-chan, are you done?"

Touka nodded. She walked towards her bed and grabbed the items she had received from Uta. The girl gave a cape to Hinami and put, an identical one on. "Let's go." She exclaimed.

Allowing Hinami to leave first, she took one more glance at her closet. "Don't you dare to die, idiot." She mumbled before following the young ghoul towards the meeting place. Touka didn't know why, but she had the feeling that things wouldn't go as smoothly as she hoped it would be.

But at least, she knew, that she wasn't alone on this because Anteiku is always ready to help its fellow ghouls. They all had to wait, just like her. They all were anxious about the well-being of their colleague and now, finally, the waiting is finally over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this story I wanted to put a quote related to the title of this one-shot, one that has a deep meaning, so I searched on the web and I think I got a good one. As for the tittle, I wanted one that also had a deep meaning, I don't know if I did it right, because I kept pondering about the right name for it, changing it all the time, until I was satisfied. As for Touka, she is more the kind of person, who would have trouble with patience. I tried my best to imagine how Touka felt during Kaneki's absence. Seeing Ayato again must have been such a shock and that she wasn't able to protect Kaneki... So anger, sadness and disappointment are probably the emotions she had been feeling most of the time.


	5. Those Who Endure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki's thoughts during the time he was tortured by Yamori.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can get this story up to date by the end of the week. I'm not sure if I can succeed. But I'll try.

_Endurance-Suppression of the pain. The pain is severe at threshold. After the threshold, capacity is built to sustain the pain. The pain is lessen when the strength of might is achieved. Mankind can endure all things."_

_― Lailah Gifty Akita_

It felt like he had been going through a long tunnel, one that seemed to be endless, covered in complete darkness. No matter what he tried, it kept returning and returning. His screaming, the pain, the burning, the numbers... Was he at 783 or 776?

As the effect of the RC suppressant began to wear off, Kaneki felt his hands twitch. It still hurt a lot, at least not as much as when the drug was, in effect, but it was still hard to tolerate. He was beyond exhaustion, but he knew that rest wouldn't come. It was impossible, not now, not when there was no light in sight, with the endless and meaningless torture.

"It's feeding time!" Yamori exclaimed maniacally while he took a piece of meat and shove it into Kaneki's mouth. He couldn't eat at his own tempo, all the meat in his mouth wouldn't let him, so he had to swallow big chunks in one."Now, I have to take care of a few things, be a nice subordinate and wait until I come back." He grinned, before disappearing through the only door available in the building.

Despite the few moments of extra peace he had gotten, the half-ghoul felt nowhere near relaxed nor relieved, because he knew, the moment Yamori returned, it would start all over again. He felt his toes and fingers twitch in response, it felt strange, after all, the cutting and growing back. As if he wasn't in his own body anymore.

He stared at his feet, noticing how the flesh recovered and his nails re-grew at rapid speed. The raven-haired boy noticed his toenails becoming slightly darker, but in the end, he didn't care. What's the point of worrying, it's not like it would change the situation.

"A monster..." He mumbled. Eyes blank and hopeless.

He really was a monster... One that was hard to kill, one that couldn't be killed like that. _'Is this, how hell would feel like?'_ He wondered. Stuck in a place with no hope, no salvation... only endless torture and despair. He felt like crying, he felt like screaming he wanted to get out.

"... Someone..."

There was no one who could hear him, no one who would help him. He was alone, alone and helpless.

At least, those he cared about weren't able to see him, they are safe; away from the pain and despair. He wondered how his friends were doing. Hide was probably worried sick and the ghouls from Anteiku... What would they be doing? Probably as worried as his human friend. Would they try to rescue him? But, how? Since they probably don't know where he is.

He wondered if Hinami was alright. Would she be able to continue practising her Kanji without him? He hoped she wouldn't be too sad... She had lost already so much and the thought of her crying again hurt him much more than the pain he went through the last couple of days.

Hide... How would he survive classes without him? He remembered the words, his friend yelled during the time he got released from the hospital. _'Rabbits will die from loneliness!'_ A small smile and bitter chuckle escaped his lips. Hopefully, that won't happen for real to Hide, especially the idea of his best friend turning into a rabbit sounded absurd, but he you could say the same about a human turning into a ghoul and look how he ended up.

His smile faltered immediately. Rabbits... Touka probably wouldn't mind... "Touka-chan..." What was she up to? Did she recover already? Was she worried? Sad? Alone? He remembered before he lost consciousness and was taken away... She tried to save him, she threw herself at Yamori, but Ayato; her little brother, came between them and send her unconscious in one hit against the wall. Kaneki wondered why he did that... 

At least, she's safe. Probably worried, but safe...

His mind wandered to a few weeks back when their study session had begun. He was surprised by his bold action, but even more, when Touka didn't push him away or didn't try to kill him later on.

He knew the girl saw him as an important friend, someone she wouldn't want to lose and they had grown closer within the short period, so close that he had fallen completely for her. That sharp-tongued attitude and scary demander looked now cute and adorable to him. Yes, he definitely loved her, with all his being... The question was; were his feelings mutual? At that moment, he was almost sure... But wasn't he losing it? Maybe it was just something his unconscious had created to ease his current state of mind.

_'Good night, dumbass.'_

A smile crept on his face... A sour one. Her soft voice couldn't leave his mind.

No, he was sure, it wasn't his mind playing a trick on him. Her soft concerning tone, the warmth of her lips on his forehead. There were, clearly signs.

"Touka-chan."

Despite how close they had grown... It wouldn't develop into anything... It's impossible, he would never see her again. Never again. It was painful now, thinking about that. But maybe in time, she would fade away from his memory piece by piece. What's the point of having memories? When you'll be stuck, tied up on a chair for the rest of your life, used as a toy for torture.

Kaneki grimaced darkly. The irony...

Despite the days he spent, training with her, it had all been in vain, he wasn't strong enough and thanks to that, the escape plan with Banjou and the others had failed...

It was the best. Even if he would be stuck in hell's despair forever, at least, Banjou and the others would be safe, away from the cruel world, hopefully in the 20th ward and given shelter by Anteiku. It was the safest place for them. Yes, he didn't mind it. He preferred it that way, instead of others suffering... He would in their place, he could endure it...

... For now...

The door opened again, footsteps approached the chained half-ghoul. He knew what would be coming next, all too well, he didn't need to look up to know who had entered. Kaneki kept staring at the ground empty and voided from any emotion, he braced himself.

"I hope you had a nice nap." Yamori chuckled, "Because it's time to have more fun!"

Kaneki didn't move, not even after the ghoul cracked his finger, not even when he got pulled by his hair, not even when his face was tilted to face the crazy ghoul, who had the expression as if he had the time of his life. He just stared lifelessly as the needle was pointing to his eye again.

_'I'm sorry, Touka-chan... I couldn't protect anyone...'_

The sounds of maniacal laughter, agonizing screams and counting continued.

1000, 993, 986, 979, 972, 965...

Those who endure... Will they become stronger... Or will they crumble apart little by little?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment I started working on the previous one-shot, I knew that I wanted to write one with Kaneki's point of view. So I could have it as a parallel. I wasn't very hard to come up with it, I just had to think about the chapter where he got tortured to no end and wonder, what else would be going through your mind when you're in that state? Lost? Despair? Sadness? I used those elements in this one-shot. Poor Kaneki. The story was actually shorter, but I wanted to add another quote as another sign, that this one is one half of of two one-shots. The name of this one-shot Those who endure was created by that same thought. Since it's part of a half it has to be similar, yet different, like Touka and Kaneki. Enduring and waiting are two different words, but in a way they are similar. When you endure something you mostly wait and when you wait, you tend to endure, be it impatience or something else. Also listening to Kisetsu wa tsugitsugi shindeiku (The ending theme of Tokyo Ghoul √A) helped me a lot. Actually that song has given me so much inspiration for other chapters! It makes me wanna cry!


	6. Liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He he said he wouldn't leave her, but in the end those were just words. Just another lie she heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Correcting spelling and grammar is still a pain.

What was wrong with the weather lately? Touka had no idea, but it seemed as if the weather always became grim whenever she was feeling bad. At least, it worked in her favour, because she felt like the world was crumbling away.

He promised didn't he? He said he wouldn't leave her alone. Then, why... Why was it, that the moment they escaped from Aogiri's strongholds... He abandoned her?! He said he wouldn't return to Anteiku, that he had things to prepare for... Get stronger and she couldn't go with him. What was the point of making such a promise in the first place, if he would leave anyway?!

"Fucking liar... You're a fucking liar Kaneki!" The ukaku ghoul growled teeth gritted as she tried to hold back her tears.

Her mind went back to that moment... When he had saved her from her brother Ayato... And held her in his arms. Thought she passed out not soon after, she remembered how shocked she was... He was so different, so unlike that gentle sweet boy. He looked... strong, broken, tormented, but among all that sadness, she saw a glinted of happiness and relief... She wanted to hug him and ask him what happened, comfort him, tell him how sorry she was, for allowing those bastards to take him away. How she would cherish their time together and try to get to know the half-ghoul better. About his past, his other interest that doesn't involve reading and she would tell him about herself. At least the more cheerful chapters.

He also seemed relieved to see her, but he didn't want her with him... Why? Because he didn't want her to destroy the life she had built up over the years? Because it wasn't safe for her?

She wanted to punch him, to yell at him, to try and make him open his eyes, to return to the old Kaneki, but he wasn't the same anymore... He wasn't the same Kaneki she had fallen in love with...

_'But even if that's the case... Why does it hurt so much?'_

Why had he come into her life? Why did he make her open up to him and allow him into her heart? Only for it to be left empty and broken... again.

She gritted her teeth, tears falling down her cheeks as she looked at the precious engagement ring that was previously owned by her deceased father. The names Arata and Hikari were engraved inside the object.

"Why did you have to leave me? Mom, dad..." She didn't care that her face was getting wet, it was like those times all over again, her mother had left her, her father had left her... Ayato left her and tore her up as if he didn't care about anything, didn't care about anything that they had to go through, the hardships she had to suffer as a child, just to protect her little brother... and now Kaneki too. She had failed those she had to protect and as payment they had left her and to make it even worse Hinami also left with the half-ghoul.

This really was the worst day ever. "It hurts! I feel so alone... I hate it!" The girl bit her finger hard enough to draw blood. She didn't care, anything was better than the feeling she harboured now.

Why did they leave her? Why was it, that everyone, who she cared deeply about left her? Was it her fault? Was she just attracting bad luck? It felt so unfair to her. She couldn't understand, why every time she felt like she could finally be happy and enjoy her life, that everything would crumble in front of her?

"Fuck you! Fuck you shithead! You can go to hell!" The ukaku ghoul growled.

The girl stayed curled up on the ground, hugging her pillow while sobbing silently. She was all alone, alone, broken and worst of all; there was no one to comfort her.

She stayed blankly at the calendar that was hanging on her wall; 24th of December. In other words, Christmas Eve. The day she and Kaneki were supposed to spend together. Enjoy each other's company and celebrate that the half-ghoul was finally back at home, back at Anteiku.

Instead, she was in her room. 'Such holidays are so stupid.' The teen thought. It's only meant for commercial purposes. Touka wondered if she was meant to be alone for the rest of her life. Just to let herself get drowned in misery.

Her tears finally dried after hours of crying. She stood up and wiped her face from any remaining tears. Touka guessed that she was a mess by now, but she didn't care. She would show him.

Show him that she wouldn't allow being messed with. If he comes crawling back, begging for her forgiveness, she would beat the crap out of him and show him that everyone would be fine even without his stupid face.

Her heart still throbbed from the pain, but she could handle it, it wasn't the first time she's been betrayed, not the first time they've lied to her.

"All men are fucking liars..." The ukaku ghoul mumbled, before leaving her room and make herself some coffee. Lamenting about the times she spent with him... She wished she had more time to tell him... Her real feelings.

"I fucking hate you... Lair..."

The girl slammed the door of her apartment hard. She refused to drown in her misery, so she left for fresh air, leaving her apartment in deathly silence.

In the back of her closet, a neatly wrapped up present still laid there, waiting to fulfil its purpose. Though to Touka's lamenting, she knew that the day would never come. The present she was so eager to give, would stay there quietly, until the day arrives when the silent storm would finally settle and make place for the sun to rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this fic was actually part of one-shot 4, but it didn't seem suitable so I decided to cut it and use it for this chapter, since she's more broken and sad, followed by determination and anger here and in chapter 4 worry was eating her away, while trying to hold onto hope later on. Also, when you reread Tokyo Ghoul very often, you come across scenes that give you the urge to explore them more, like I had with one-shot 2 and this one. Sure this isn't the most profound chapter. In my opinion, I still did my best. Ah, the work of a writer is never finished and we always want to add more details! Let's say my urge to write came also with the fact that I had so much inspiration for the future chapters so I just wrote and wrote and wrote! Using the feeling of sadness that I tried to build up inside me with music, so I could turn it into words. Not easy to do when you're not feeling sad, but my Touken feels helped me with that.


	7. Thought and Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is already up!

Days had passed, no weeks and it was still hard to get over it for the half-ghoul. Too many things had been haunting him, be it nightmares from his torture days, the noise of something crawling in his ear, the screams, the taunts, the voices. To be honest, he has to urge to get out whatever was crawling in his ear, scratch it, poke it, but what hurt him most was that he left the people who had taken care of him since he had become a ghoul.

After his escape from Aogiri, Kaneki parted ways with his colleagues from Anteiku. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, especially when he saw Touka's speechless expression. He could almost feel her pain, the shock, everything, she looked so confused and sad. She didn't even talk back to him like she used to.

He wondered if he had been too hard on her... The face she showed... It was that of disappointment, shock and betrayal. He didn't keep his promise and he knew it. He said he'd stop by, but days, no weeks had passed and he still hadn't stopped by. He lied to her and he knew it.

Kaneki stared out of the window of his room. It was completely dark and the stars were present like always, alongside the full moon, but for some reason, the night sky felt different to the one-eyed ghoul. The sky felt solemn, empty, unlike all the other times he had stared upwards.

He laughed bitterly. How drastic things turned out to be. He could hardly believe that a few weeks ago, he was just enjoying his daily life at Anteiku, attending university, work as a part timer at Anteiku and wondering if he could ask Touka to spend Christmas with him.

"This is for the best..." He reminded himself.

He glanced at his desk; two books lay there untouched. Kaneki tried to read them, but for some reason, he didn't feel engrossed in them. Nothing could give him back what he had lost and apparently it was more than what he expected.

The half-ghoul held up his hand and stared at his black nails; another change due to his days captive at Aogiri, along with his white hair and personality change. Because... The previous he wasn't able to protect anything.

Kaneki cracked his finger unconsciously.

The white-haired ghoul decided to take some fresh air, he put on a jacket, shove open the window and disappeared into the night.

* * *

The cold against his skin felt refreshing and he realized how satisfying a stroll in the night could be and he had to admit; the streets really looked different if you compared it during the day, it looked better during the night. Details you wouldn't notice otherwise were now visible, like the cracks in one of the walls, the smell of fresh paint, the sounds of the wind, stray cats, the eerie view the darkness gave in the shadows. You'd never know when it would be over for you. And with the present silence, all thanks to the growing fear of the citizens towards ghouls. Clearly a consequence of what happened in the 11th ward. Yes, he really needed this, this silence, this peace.

_'Touka-chan would have liked this...'_

Kaneki looked up and noticed that he had headed towards the 20th ward unconsciously. A strange feeling of nostalgia overwhelmed him. It couldn't hurt to take a look at how the others were doing. As long as they didn't spot him.

* * *

The 20th ward was more lively since it was still the most peaceful ward in Tokyo. Not that it bothered him, it was nostalgic and relieving for the half-ghoul. He decided to on the roof of one of the apartment buildings and enjoy his surroundings or better say; see what Touka was up to.

The girl was in her room studying, surprisingly, still in her school uniform. She seemed so engrossed in it that she wasn't aware of her surroundings at all.

Kaneki stared at the teen's dark-blue hair, it seemed to be slightly longer than he remembered, it almost covered her neck completely. Had she decided to grow it out? It looked good on her he had to admit.

The half-ghoul kept his attention on the girl; observing her every movement; when she took the cup of coffee from her table and pressed those soft lips against the cup to take a sip. The lips he always wanted to try, but never had the opportunity to. He actually did have the opportunity, but the timing was quite bad, as the girl had to rush to the bathroom quickly. Talk about luck.

The white-haired male chuckled at the memory. It felt as if it was yesterday, but it was from another lifetime a more peaceful one.

He continued to observe the girl as she flipped through the pages of her book, took a sip from her drink, wrote down some notes, stored her book away, took out another her one and continued the process. His eyes focused on her lips, each time she placed them again the coffee cup, they looked to intoxicating.

He quickly snapped out of his thoughts when the ukaku ghoul suddenly got up. The girl took a glance from her now empty cup and frowned. She walked out of the room, probably to get a refill. A few seconds later she returned, a frown visible on her face. Turning to the mirror that hung in her closet. She checked her reflection in the mirror, eyes furrowing as she clearly noticed something and suddenly after one sigh, she took off her blouse.

Kaneki quickly closed his eyes in embarrassment. He felt his cheeks burning up slightly. If someone were to see him, they would have mistaken him for a pervert. Sure, what he was doing wasn't the most orthodox thing, but he didn't expect the girl to just strip without closing the curtains. Did no one warn her about the possible dangers or told her to appreciate her own privacy? Kaneki was a gentleman at heart when it came to respecting someone's privacy, but if she was unlucky enough that some random passerby with indecent thoughts saw her...

He'd have to take care of the problem.

*crack*

After about 3 minutes, The half-ghoul opened his eyes again, to see the female having changed into some short pants and a hoodie. She left her room and came out of her apparent; all clothed in a warm coat with a scarf and gloves. She exited the building and headed towards the supermarket.

Kaneki decided to follow her from afar.

The girl kept her slow pace, unsuspecting anything. As she was nearing the supermarket, the girl suddenly stopped and turned around, glancing at Kaneki's direction. The male quickly hid in the shadows. He knew he was unfair towards her, but it was for her own good. After a few seconds of silence, the girl turned around and entered the store.

Kaneki stayed frozen on his spot, waiting patiently for the teen to appear again.

And as he expected, Touka came out of the shop a few minutes later, two bags filled with coffee in both hands. Again she scanned her surroundings like a crow. He figured the female ghoul had felt his gaze, since its Touka we're talking about, but still, despite his excellent hiding skill, the girl was surprisingly good at detecting people near her surroundings or was it what they called woman's intuition?

After a few moments of finding nothing, she continued her walk back to her apartment. Kaneki decided to stay hidden in the shadows since the girl was probably on alert now.

The half-ghoul had the urge to talk to her... But he knew that he couldn't, he shouldn't. The white-haired male froze when two men walked towards the girl. He wasn't able to grasp much from the conversation because of the distance, but from the gestures it seemed like the guys were hitting on her. The half-ghoul clenched his teeth but refrained himself from revealing his presence. This was Touka, she wouldn't like the unwanted attention and if they piss her off, she'd dispose of them immediately. So he decided to stay silent and focus on the girl's face to calm his raging impulses.

The ukaku ghoul tried politely to reject them and head back to her home, but they grabbed her wrist. She tried to shake them off again, a bit more persistent, but when they still refused to do so. As a result, her patience waned. She turned around and she kicked the first guy in his nuts, who fell immediately on the ground; cringing in pain. She grabbed the other one by his collar, hissing threats at the human after punching him in his stomach. After that, she let go and continued walking, while the man fell to the ground like a rag doll, obviously scared to death. Kaneki chuckled and his lips formed into a small smile. Yup, that's the Touka he knew and loved. To be honest, even he would get shivers from her tantrums, maybe become terrified in the past even.

The girl stopped again and, this time, she looked immediately at Kaneki's direction. The half-ghoul, who was still hidden in the shadows stayed quiet. He just stared at the 17-year-old's fierce glare and then... The girl stuck out her tongue and showed him the finger. She turned around, grabbed her bags and entered her apartment.

Kaneki stayed put, trying to register what had happened... Did she know he was watching her? Or had she only figured out that someone was observing her... No, she probably knew it was him, why else would she show that same fierce attitude she always showed him whenever he was getting on her nerves?

He couldn't blame her... It was his fault. He was the one who left, who lied to her...

"I'm sorry Touka-chan..."

* * *

Touka closed the door of her apartment silently and stared at the floor. Her hands were shaking, she tried her best to keep her composure, but it was crumbling faster than she wanted. When she couldn't take it anymore, she threw the coffee bags as hard as she could against the wall.

What was the bastard doing here? Was he stalking her? Why did he have to be there? She didn't want to see him, she didn't want to think about him... She was doing fine... Better than ever.

"Fuck it! Fuck-fuck-fuck!"

She threw her hands on her head and pulled her hair in frustration. A groan escaped her lips as tears came down slowly, she didn't want them to fall, she didn't want to be weak, she was done with him. She had no need for guys who would fill her heart with false promises and leave her later on.

The female ghoul slumped to the ground, teeth gritted as her tears kept flowing down. She dried them harshly with her sleeves. She stared at the bags with coffee and huffed.

"No point in fussing about it." She told herself repeatedly.

The girl got up from her position and grabbed the bag as she went over to the kitchen. She started to make coffee as she glanced out of the window, wondering if she could take a glance of the white locks... They were gone now.

Touka sighed. Oh well, it spared her the difficulty to restrain herself from trying to kill him. Besides, if he ever were to show his face again... She'd give him a piece of her mind.

"I don't need liars..."

* * *

Kaneki was back in his room, leaning over the balcony and staring at the sky again. His thoughts were focused on what happened 30 minutes ago. Touka... He had no words to describe how he felt after seeing her again. She seemed like he was doing fine like she didn't care and it bothered him somehow... He was sure she was just pretending to be fine, as the glare she had said enough. She did miss him, but was it as much as he misses her?

His fingers twitched uncomfortably. He had the sudden urge to touch her hair, tangle his fingers between her locks as he would take the girl in a long, deep kiss and trailing kisses down her body, claiming her as his...

Kaneki blinked a few times and tore his face away from the sky. He had enough fresh air for now. The white-haired male entered his room and shave the door shut. He collapsed on his bed and let out a deep sigh, hoping to get some rest.

The man knew that it would be a matter of time before he couldn't restrain himself longer and would end up in front of her doorstep. He knew that he couldn't stay away from her very long, because the thought of Touka continuing with her life and getting together with another man, was something he couldn't tolerate. But as long as he was able to tolerate the separation, he would bear with it.

The half-ghoul took a few deep breaths and calmed down. For now, he had to focus on his mission. Touka was safe and that was all that mattered to him. As long as she and everyone else; the manager, Irimi, Enji, Nishiki... Hide... As long as all of them were safe, he'd be satisfied. They wouldn't need to be preoccupied with the troubles of the world.

He'd pluck all the bad coffee beans that dare to destroy his home...

*crack*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I really should write this when I'm still working on the chapters because the ideas and all are then still fresh. XD hahaha. Anyway, this one-shot was actually part of the previous one-shot where I wanted to have both thoughts of Kaneki and Touka about their separation. But, I felt like this one didn't fit completely with the theme I had for Liar, so I decided to split it in the end and well add more details to this one. This one shouldn't be as angsty as the others; is what I decided, so I wanted to put some happier themes, like a bit of comedy for the laughs and a better view on Kaneki's affections for Touka. Not completely stable of course, but that's t he Kaneki we all love and such. I'd find for Kaneki keeping an eye on Touka instead of appearing in front of her more fitting towards the actions he had taken since he doesn't want to involve her in any danger he is facing. But as we know nothing goes perfectly and even Kaneki knows that.


	8. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Touka had expected to be an average day turned quite the opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the feels! Because they're going to hit the highest level!

What Touka had labeled to be an average day, turned out to be quite the opposite. At least, in the morning, when she got up and went to her classes, was something she considered normal. When she had to brace herself and eat Yoriko's food again during lunch break, that was also normal... for her, except for the extra secret ingredient, as Yoriko called it. That made her gag terribly. She couldn't even hide it from her classmates. Why did Yoriko have to engulf herself with the foreign culinary dishes? At least, no one found Touka's reaction odd. Be honest, who would want to eat a strange French dish with... She didn't remember what it was, but it was too much. The weirdest thing was when Yoriko started to apologize and that she would be more careful next time. Touka wondered what the French dish was...

At least, her shift at Anteiku went eventful. Nishiki had to keep his girlfriend busy, who decided to drop by. Enji was still wondering how Nishiki was able to get a girlfriend like Kimi in the first place, Irimi just continued with her work, Roma was trying not to drop any more cups and the manager just did his job like always.

She trained with Yomo afterward for a few hours and headed home when they finished. That was when it happened. She had inserted her keys in the lock when she felt someone behind her... And when he called her name... That was when she froze.

"Hello, Touka-chan."

She turned around slowly, hardly believing what happened. She was staring at him, HIM, in living flesh, those same melancholic eyes, the same white hair. The girl just stood there until she finally got over her shock.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" The girl barked.

Kaneki just stayed put, unfazed by her attitude, but of course, he wouldn't, he wasn't the same anymore...

"I... Just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Well, as you can see I'm as fine as fuck! So go back to your little place! I don't want to see you, shithead!"

"I'm sorry... I know that I hurt you..."

"Save your pity excuses for later, dumbass! You think I'd pass it off as if nothing happened?! Well, think twice!" Her blood was boiling with anger and sadness, hadn't he done enough? She was doing fine without him. Why did he have to appear in front of her, with that same pained expression he had when they separated? It made it more painful than it already was.

"I just want you to be safe... I don't want you to get hurt, you and the others."

"You have my gratitude, your highness!" The ukaku ghoul spat sarcastically. "But what do you know about what's safe for me and what's not?! You don't know a fucking thing about me!" The girl's voice became uncontrollable, she felt tears already forming in her eyes, but she didn't give a damn anymore, she was sick of it all. "You don't give a shit! You don't even care about trying to know! You only think about your selfish actions! You don't even care what others feel! Well, I'm sick of it! I'm sick of the empty promises! I don't need any fucking liars!"

By now the girl had broken into sobbing and hiccups as she couldn't control her emotions. Her vision was blurred from the tears, but she didn't care anymore, it didn't matter anymore if the idiot saw her weak, fragile, vulnerable side. Everything she tried to hide... It didn't matter. She just wanted it to spill over and get over with it. The girl was pounding angrily with her fist on his shoulders, not that she could much force in it at the moment.

The girl didn't even flinched when she felt a pair of arms wrapped around her torso, nor when she felt his breath close to her ear. "I'm sorry..."

Touka didn't answer, his words fell empty to her.

"I'm so sorry Touka-chan."

Touka gritted her teeth. "I... Fucking hate you!" She barked between her sobs.

"I know..."

"Go crawl in a hole and die!"

"I swear, I won't make you sad again."

Touka didn't answer, she just kept crying and Kaneki didn't expect her to. He decided to get her inside since they would draw quite some attention.

The half-ghoul made her sit on the couch while the girl buried her face in his shirt and continued to cry her eyes out until she fell asleep. Kaneki hadn't moved an inch since she lost consciousness, he just continued with comforting her, rubbing her back gently in circles. He hadn't expected that she would be 'that' distraught, she really cared a lot for him.

Kaneki gently placed his hand in her hair. It was softer than he remembered and longer too. He caressed her gently as he stared at her face. The tears haven't dried, but at least, she calmed down a little.

The teen wondering if his memories had done any good because she looked absolutely stunning. He kissed her forehead lovingly and whispered apologies to her. How he really regretted leaving her, how he missed her, how he wanted her by his side and how much he treasured her.

"... Father..." Touka mumbled in her sleep.

Kaneki stared at the girl, she looked restless and distraught. Her words stayed on his mind. 'You don't know a fucking thing about me!'

Perhaps she was right, he didn't know anything about her background. Only that her brother Ayato was one of the higher ups in Aogiri. She never mentioned her parents so he figured they were killed by doves probably...

_'You remind me of my shitty father!'_

Her parents were probably peaceful ghouls, who were unlucky, just like Hinami's parents. It explains why Ayato was so focused on getting stronger. Their parents were probably no fighters and that's why they died.

"I promise, I won't allow anyone to harm you... **I'll pluck every one of them that gets in the way."**

*crack*

Kaneki snapped out of his thoughts when Touka shifted, when he turned to her, he was met with her slightly groggy and confused face. She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times when she noticed she was on her couch with Kaneki. "How did you get in?" She asked immediately.

"The keys were already in the lock."

"Oh..." The ukaku ghoul mumbled as she tried to rub her eyes again, hoping to get the sleepiness from her foggy mind and body.

"I'm really sorry Touka-chan... I didn't mean to hurt you." The white-haired man apologized again.

"I got it already..." The girl answered nonchalantly, her voices was voided from any type of emotion. She stared at Kaneki questionable. He was surprisingly close, she stood up, acting as if what happened before never occurred. "You want some coffee? The girl asked.

The half-ghoul only nodded as the girl walked to her kitchen. Deja-vu seemed to overtake the girl, it was just like the time when she offered him to stay at her place until he calmed down from his nightmares after the incident with Tsukiyama. Only this time the nervousness and awkward mood had completely disappeared and the current Kaneki was different, calmer and not even nervous at all. It felt pleasingly strange.

The room was quiet for a while until Touka finally decided to open her mouth. "So, what's the reason for your unexpected visit?"

"I wanted to see how you were doing," Kaneki repeated.

The female ghoul snorted. "If that's the case, then you could just stalk me like you did last time." She commented bitterly.

The man was silent, he stared at the 17-year-old's back, trying to come up with the words to phrase his sentence. "I missed you. I missed you and I wanted to see you..."

Touka didn't answer. Slightly shocked by his blunt and honest answer, she focused on the coffee. "For 2 months, you were gone and we haven't heard anything from you and now you just suddenly show up, because you missed me?" She finally turned her head to look at the half-ghoul, while waiting for the coffee to heat. Arms crossed over her chest and a frown present on her face. "Don't expect me to forgive you that easily."

"I don't expect you to."

The teen didn't say anything and turned back to the coffee machine. Another silence filled the room and this time, it annoyed Touka to no end. It made her feel uncomfortable and uncertain, she wasn't used to this... 'new' Kaneki. Finally, deciding that she wouldn't gain much by staying on the current subject, she decided to lighten the mood a bit by changing it. "Yoriko is getting more obsessed with the food from Europe. It's becoming almost impossible to endure it." The girl made a gagging sound. "It took me hours to wash my teeth and to get rid of that horrible taste."

There was a silence first before Touka felt his gaze on her. "Your face does look a bit pale, I was wondering if you were still eating her food." The half-ghoul answered.

"Not often, only once in a while. I told her that she shouldn't go through so much trouble. Strangely enough, she was apologizing today. I don't know why."

Kaneki stayed quiet, having an inkling of what the reason could be when he recalled the note he found months ago.

"And we got a new girl at Anteiku." The girl continued. "Roma, she's kind of clumsy and chaotic, but a good person."

"That's good to hear," Kaneki answered. "At least, the workload hasn't increased for you and Nishio-sempai."

Touka snorted. "Sure, she keeps tripping and she's getting on shitty Nishiki's nerves, but that's one of the good points. Seriously, she's causing more trouble than you did when you still worked at Anteiku."

The ukaku ghoul took both cups and placed them on the table. She sat down next to Kaneki and sighed. "It also became very quiet..."

The half-ghoul glanced at the girl, confused. "You mean Anteiku?"

"Anteiku, the 20th ward... There are fewer incidents... But the doves are still crawling around..."

"Ah..."

Touka took a sip from her cup and leaned back against the couch. It was strange... Despite the current silence, it didn't feel awkward anymore. As if just sitting next to each other, enjoying each other's presence was enough.

"Your coffee, really, is delicious." Kaneki complimented.

"Thanks, I've been practicing. Trying some new tricks." She answered. She stayed quiet for a while until she decided to ask what had been occupying most of her thoughts. "So, what have you been up to the last couple of weeks?"

Kaneki stared at his cup. "Not much actually, wandering around, trying to get stronger and collecting information. Tsukiyama is very resourceful and he has a lot of connections." The ringaku ghoul decided to keep quiet about him starting to cannibalize ghouls, she would probably become more distressed than she already is.

Touka only nodded, she still wasn't fond of the idea that Tsukiyama was part of Kaneki's group. "How's Hinami?"

"She's fine. She stays inside most of the time because there's still a chance that someone will recognize her, but she doesn't mind much, it gives her time to read. During the time I have not much to do I help her with her Kanji. She's doing really well, but I guess she still misses you..."

"I see, well tell her I said hi and that I also miss her."

"I will." Kaneki took another sip from his drink, his eyes still glued on the drink. "Say, Touka-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you mind if I stay here tonight?"

This caught the girl off guard. Sure, she had calmed down and decided to slide Kaneki's selfish decision. Partly accepted that Kaneki stopped by because he... missed her. Not that she was completely sure about that. But he did said that he would visit from time to time, in which, he did keep his words and she had poured all those bottled up feelings out, but she always thought that it would be visits of a few hours, then again she didn't expect him to show up at her apartment either. Maybe it was because of guilt? "I don't really mind... But are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, I'm still waiting for information before making my next move and Hinami-chan is with Banjou and the others, they know I'd be gone for a while to clear my mind."

"Alright, I can prepare Hinami's old room for you."

"It's alright, I can sleep on the couch."

"The couch isn't that comfortable, you won't get any proper sleep and it won't consume much time to prepare the room."

Touka stood up and took the empty cups to the sink. She quickly washed them and headed towards the now proclaimed guest room. Kaneki followed the girl and grabbed her by her wrist before she opened the door. The ukaku ghoul turned around to stare at those melancholic eyes, that despite the change, still held gentleness. "Let me help you then, it's the least I can do."

Touka nodded as she allowed the half-ghoul to enter the room. They finished pretty quickly, which left them with some small talk about different random topics. She didn't know why, maybe it was because they hadn't seen each other for so long or maybe it was because she finally realized what Kaneki was to her, but she felt like it was so easy to talk to him, she felt comfortable around him and somehow Kaneki was bolder than his past-self would be. Not minding their closeness at all; like grabbing her hand, or offering to help with whatever it was she had trouble with and she also felt like his gaze was following her every second.

"So, instead of stalking me from afar you'll be harassing me personally whenever you have the time?" The girl asked, sounding slightly sarcastic, while shuffling through her sideboard, looking for any movies they could watch.

"I think visiting is more appropriate." Kaneki corrected her. "I know, I promised that I wouldn't leave you alone and haven't kept that promise, so this is the least I can do."

"I still haven't forgiven you completely for that." The female ghoul answered. "Ah!" She took out five Blu-Rays. The movies were mostly suspense, thriller or horror some had a bit of comedy since romance wasn't her thing at all. It sounded so sleazy to her, kinda ironic, if it were a few years ago, she would have gagged about the idea of falling in love and all the romance stuff, but now... Well, the idea of romance still felt awkward for her and she wasn't the person who'd act all girly and stuff for whatever reason. Sure, she accepted the concept of love and her feelings, but since it was Kaneki, it probably wouldn't be your everyday experience or relation.

She allowed herself to glance at the said half-ghoul, who was touching his eyepatch. He felt her eyes on him and looked at her questionably. "Is there something wrong?"

"Ah, no. I was just wondering what movie we could watch."

"What kind of movies do you have?" He got up from the couch and walked over to the girl, standing right behind her as he scanned the shelf curiously.

"You probably haven't seen any of those movies," Touka muttered.

"To be honest, I hardly watch movies." The half-ghoul replied. "Only once in a while when Hide invited me..."

"Is that so..."

Silence filled the room. Touka could guess how much he missed his friend. It was one of the subjects they probably wouldn't talk about, along with what happened to him at Aogiri and the reason behind his actions.

"How about this one?" Kaneki took a Blu-Ray with the title Hana-bi. A story about two ex-cops, one who ended up in a wheelchair and decided to dedicate his life to painting and the other one had taken the path of bank robbing, in the hope to give his wife a little bit of comfort for her remaining days of life. Despite the name, it had a lot of action.

"It's been a while since I've seen that one," Touka commented. She took the Blu-Ray while Kaneki made himself comfortable on the couch.

Touka quickly disappeared into her bedroom and returned with two blankets. "It's hard to enjoy a movie when you're shivering." She commented.

To be honest, Kaneki hardly noticed the cold or anything else... After all that happened to him, he became more tolerable to pain and temperature changes, but he still appreciated the girl's concern. "Thank you."

The girl handed him one of the blankets, she was about the sit next to him, when Kaneki grabbed her and sat her on his lap, wrapping the blankets around the two of them and her slim body between his arms.

Touka's eyes widened, but before she could say anything the half-ghoul opened his mouth. "Just for the moment, please."

She stared at those eyes again, the hurt, the sadness, and the gentleness when he looked at her, how could she say no? The blue-haired girl sighed in defeat and rested her head against him. "Fine, but only for a while."

"Thank you." He pulled her closer, which made her squeak in surprise while the film started.

They stayed silent for the rest of the movie, both too focused on the screen, well, at least, Touka mostly, as Kaneki couldn't help but steal glances at the girl. Truth to be told, the teen couldn't believe it himself; he was enjoying a movie with Touka and she didn't show any objection against his advances towards her. She said she was still mad at him, but it didn't seem to be like that was the case at the moment. A woman's mind really was like a labyrinth filled with mysteries. She was upset and crying one moment and now she acted as if it never happened. He didn't understand it, but as long as Touka was happy, he was willing to do whatever he had to do to keep her that way. ** _'Even if it includes getting rid of any vermin.'_**

*crack*

Touka became startled by Kaneki's sudden habits. She didn't remember him having it before. Did he develop that during his capture? If she remembered correct, Yamori; the ghoul that was a member from Aogiri had the same habit; cracking his fingers once in a while. The girl decided to play ignorant, as she didn't want to pry. If Kaneki wanted to tell her one day, then he would.

"The book, you recommended me to read for my book report, I read it." The ukaku ghoul said, trying to forget her worries and to bring Kaneki out of his thoughts, whatever they were.

Apparently it worked, the half-ghoul turned his attention to the girl. "Really? Did you enjoy it?"

"I'm not sure, I didn't understand it, at least, I passed it."

"Your exams are coming up, aren't they?"

"Yeah, I started studying already." The girl said.

"You think you'll pass literature?"

"I'm not sure... As you know, I still suck at it."

"If you want, I can revise it with you tomorrow morning."

"Thanks, that would be a great help."

Kaneki rested his head on her shoulder, breathing in her scent. He was surprised at how much he missed it. "I really missed you." The male mumbled.

"Me too." The girl answered, her cheeks burning red from the sudden intimacy.

The ringaku ghoul began to plant kisses down the girl's collarbone, making her gasp in surprise. She gave in, in the end, as she answered back by pressing her lips against his. The movie, which was still playing was completely forgotten as the two ghouls engulfed themselves in expressing their feelings for each other in intimate pleasure.

This really was a day Touka hadn't expected. What started as a normal day ended with an unorthodox reunion between her and the guy who had opened the door to her heart, how quickly a situation could change. Now only one thing was occupying the girl's mind. How will things develop from here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic had got my Touken feelings running on max! Yes, as I said before I enjoyed this so much, though I feel like they're a bit OoC here... not sure :S. I really wanted to convey Touka's feelings, have her spill all those bottled up feelings and thoughts. I know you all expected her to beat the crap out of him and not only yell, curse and call him names but well when I read Touka and Kaneki's reunion in the manga for the first time, it also turned out different than what I expected. Between the 6 months, Touka changed drastically, I think she still has a big mouth and a temper, but she became more mature too. Kaneki leaving had a big impact on her and in this chapter, you can see how much of an impact. All those days she was crying alone in her apartment because every man in her life left her; Arata, Ayato and Kaneki and she had no one to turn to, just the silent walls of her apartment, of course, all those feelings would spill when Kaneki suddenly appears in front of her. Things she wanted to say to him, she suddenly could convey them, her feelings everything, so that's why I decided to have her break down instead. Because I think that's how Touka would act. She still hasn't matured completely so yeah her foul mouth is still in play, but her violent tendencies have diminished unless you piss her off. As for Kaneki, well not sure what to say, he's selfish and he couldn't stay away from her any longer. So there you have it a very broken, affectionate man, who finally has the chance to be with the girl he loves... for a short time.
> 
> Also, Hana-bi is a real movie. I looked on lien for movies I could reference. Knowing Touka she wouldn't have any cheesy romance movies and her movie collection is probably small too.


	9. When Love Blossoms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really should hurry and post the remaining chapters...

It was surprisingly early, around six am. The streets were still covered in darkness, but not as dark as it would have been around December. Kaneki opened his eyes as he rose slowly from his slumber. His body felt stiff, but he was able to have a good rest, surprisingly.

The half-ghoul noticed he had slept on the couch, wrapped up in yesterday's blanket and Touka, sleeping between his arms. So, in the end, he didn't use the room Touka prepared for him after all.

The TV was still on since both of them had forgotten about it. Kaneki grabbed the control remote from the table and turned it off. He was surprised how they were able to sleep with the tv on. The young man glanced at his recently proclaimed lover. She was sleeping peacefully; her breathing synchronized with his.

He recalled the previous night, the teen felt that he had such an urge to touch her. He was surprised that the girl didn't say anything at all or tried to stop him since Touka is not fond of being caught off-guard. They hadn't done anything else, just kissing, he knew his boundaries and what they had shared last night together was enough for him... For now.

He took a lock of her hair, that was falling over the girl's face and kissed the tips, at the same time Touka stirred, she opened her eyes drowsily and stared right into the half-ghoul's eyes. There was a silence until Touka blinked a few times. "What time is it?"

"It's still early, if you want, you can go back to sleep."

The ukaku ghoul nodded and she rested her head on his chest again and closed her eyes, sighing in content. Good thing today was her day off.

"Were you able to sleep?" She asked.

"Mhm." The teen answered.

"I hope I wasn't that heavy for you."

Kaneki chuckled. "Don't worry, you're not."

Touka closed her eyes and tried to sleep a bit more, but to no avail. It was pretty hard when you know someone is staring at you and the fact that Kaneki played with her hair, didn't help either. "Are you doing this on purpose?" She asked.

"Do what?" Kaneki asked as he continued playing with her hair.

"That." The girl explained while she took his hand and unwrapped it slowly from her locks.

"Oh, sorry I didn't mean to."

"Don't worry about it." Her urges to sleep had completely disappeared. She got off the couch. "Are you hungry? I have more than enough."

Kaneki considered her offer, it wasn't that he was hungry, he had been eating quite well... Devouring those who stood in his way, but it tasted terrible, not as terrible as human food, but still...  
"I guess, I'm a little hungry." He decided.

Touka glanced at him suspiciously and disappeared into the kitchen. After a while, she came back with two cups of coffee and a stack of human flesh. "You're still growing, no need to act all girly." She snorted as she placed the plate in front of the half-ghoul. "Or do you want me to stuff it down your throat like the first time?"

Her sarcastic and rude remarks really hadn't changed. "Thank you." He answered as he took the plate.

"Meanwhile, I'll take a shower. When I finish you can use it if you want. I still have that toothbrush for you." She glanced at the male ghoul. "You probably haven't got any spare clothes with you?"

"No."

Touka said nothing. So he actually hadn't planned to stay the night first. She wondered what made him change his mind... Never mind, the answer was obvious.

"I guess we'll have to buy some new ones then. It's still early so most shops haven't opened yet."  
From the corner of her eye, she saw the half-ghoul looking amused. "What?" The girl asked, raising her eyebrow in the progress.

"No, nothing, it's just cute, how you worry about such a small thing."

"You slept in your clothes, they stink and need to be washed." The girl pointed out.

"I can change later," Kaneki answered. His expression was solid, showing Touka that he wouldn't change his mind. "Besides..." He continued as he took his lover's hands and pulled her closer into an embrace. "I want to spend my time with you, Touka-chan."

Her cheeks flushed slightly. "Since when did you learn how to sweet talk a woman?"

"Who knows."

Touka sighed as she pulled away. "Alright, but let me refresh myself first and you!" She pointed at the white-haired male. "Eat your food first!"  
Like that, she disappeared into her bedroom.

The white-haired teen sunk back into the couch and sighed. He wondered if he had made the right choice, wouldn't this be harder for her when he leaves again? But he had abandoned her once already when he told her she couldn't go with him and he didn't want to betray her again. On top of that, when he recalled the night he went to check up on her and saw those humans trying to pick her up... He felt an urge of jealousy and possessiveness. He didn't want Touka to belong to anyone else. He saw her first, she was his. She was like him; afraid to be left alone, to be abandoned by those she cares about. And that's why, it was up to him to protect her and to be there for her, to prevent her from feeling alone and abandoned, to make her smile, instead of showing the broken expression she had yesterday, even if he hasn't done that quite well the last couple of weeks. He would be sure that he would do better, no matter how selfish it was.

Kaneki stared at the plate in front of him. He might as well enjoy it, after all, it would probably be one of the few good meals he'll have.

The moment he sunk his teeth into the raw flesh, he could feel his kakugan manifesting in his eye. Thanks to his unusual diet the meat tasted like heaven to him. Even before Aogiri kidnapped him, he tried to eat as little as possible. How foolish had he been then? Kaneki savored the sweet taste. The was a bit juicy and sure it tasted like it had been stored for a while, but it was way better than the ghouls he devoured.

While Kaneki continued his meal in peace. Touka returned, a towel hung on her neck and her hair was damp. Kaneki turned his attention to the female, giving her a melancholic, but warm smile. "Welcome back, Touka-chan."

"Are you enjoying your meal?" The girl asked as she approached the eating ghoul.

"Yeah, thank you."

Touka only nodded as she took the now empty plate and cups and brought them to the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Kaneki asked.

"Maybe later, I'm not very hungry at the moment." The girl replied as she took a seat next to the man.

Kaneki leaned in, as he pulled her back into an embrace, enjoying the scent of her freshly washed hair. It smelled so alluring, pleasant, like jasmine. "You smell so nice, Touka-chan."

Touka wondered if Kaneki's sudden need for contact was a result of mainly being surrounded by guys, as Hinami is more like a little sister to him. Or maybe Tsukiyama's creepy behavior made him crave for woman contact. Or maybe it was because he was a guy, he was still at that age and she was always surprised at his decent behaviour, gentle and polite, despite his age. "Thanks." The blue-haired teen answered.

He kissed her neck gently, not wanting her to feel any more uncomfortable and slowly made his way to her mouth as he gently pushed the girl on her back and continued.

Touka returned the kiss eagerly, suddenly feeling as if she had recovered something she lost a long time ago.

Both their hands were tangled in each others hair and Touka let out a soft moan. She felt as if butterflies had invested her stomach, fluttering everywhere and giving her this strange happy feeling, she didn't hate it at all.

Maybe it would have been better to have him brush his teeth first, as she could clearly taste his breakfast. Those thoughts were quickly tossed out of the window when his tongue met hers. Yup screw that, they're both at that age and she had enough of feeling lonely and hopeless.

They broke away after a while for air. Touka panted heavily as she looked through hazed eyes at Kaneki, who returned the stare with passion.

"Stay here, I'll be right back," Touka said.

Kaneki stared at her confused and slightly curious, it increased when she suddenly wrapped a blindfold around his head. "What are you planning?" The white-haired ghoul asked.

"It's a surprise, you'll see." His lover answered.

The half-ghoul stayed put and decided to focus on the sounds around him and with sounds, he meant Touka's movements.

Her footsteps got closer as she entered the room. He suddenly felt something placed on his lap, which made him more curious. When the blindfold was released the male blinked in surprise at the present in front of him.

"I had it planned to give it to you on your birthday back then, but since that wasn't possible, I thought I could do it now. Better late than never, right?" The female ghoul explained. "So, uh, happy birthday. I hope you like it because I have no clue what you would prefer..." The teen trailed off.

Curiously, the white-haired male unwrapped the present. It was, of course, a book, one he hadn't read yet. "Thank you." He said as he hugged a surprised Touka.

"So, you like it?" The girl asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, it looks like an interesting story."

"I'm sorry we couldn't celebrate it in a proper way."

"Don't worry about it, what's done is done." Kaneki released his lover, only to kiss her forehead over and over. When he was done, he stood up. "You wouldn't mind if I take a shower now, would you?"

Touka shook her head. "Just make sure to brush your teeth too."

Kaneki was quiet for a while, trying to figure out why she pointed it out. "Ah, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, go take that shower!" She commanded.

Kaneki did as he told without any protest. The water was warm and comforting. The stiffness in his body had quickly disappeared. He stared at his hands, they used to be smooth, but now they were slightly rough and the nails didn't make it look any better. He didn't care much about the unhealthy colour they had. It was his proof of how much he had changed, how much his life had changed and how short happiness was. He knew that happiness never lasted, he had experienced it too often. He'd return to the world of fighting, devouring and survival today. To continue to look for answers and to protect those who he saw as his family.

Kaneki rested his head against the wall, letting the warm water fall on his back, down till it touched the ground and disappeared into the sink. "I hope that you will forgive me for my selfishness..." He mumbled.

After he got out of the shower, he reached for his clothes only to find them not there. Confused, he wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door. A pair of clean clothes, apparently new shirt and pants laid in front of him. He picked them up and stared at them. Had Touka gone out in that short time just for this?

A smile crept on his face, his gloomy mood lifted slightly. She was more than he deserved.

He closed the bathroom door and quickly put the new clothes on, luckily they were the right size. When he exited, he saw Touka reading through some books, probably studying for her exams. "Need a hand?" He asked.

The blue-haired girl quickly turned her head. "Yeah. I'm still struggling. Do you have the time for it?"

The half-ghoul nodded and sat down next to her. "What is it you need me to explain this time?"

"I'm supposed to know the difference between the styles of these poems, but I don't even understand what they mean." The girl huffed.

Kaneki glanced over at the page. "These are difficult ones. Most people wouldn't get it either, so there's no need to be frustrated."

"Thanks, I'm feeling much better," Touka answered sarcastically.

No matter how long it had been, the girl hadn't changed, maybe a little, but her sarcastic remarks and sharp tongue were still present. He had really missed that and the tutoring with her especially. "The poems look so similar because they use similar elements, but what makes them different is that the elements have a different meaning in both poems and they're used in different ways. Warm summer days, Withering flowers in autumn, the dark days of winter and the arrival of spring. The writer of the poem is suggesting about a loved one who passed away. The summer represents the time he had spent with his loved one. The withering flowers in autumn symbolism the day when the person died, the dark winter days is the period where the writer mourned the loss of his loved one and spring is the moment when he finally accepts her death and moves on with his life. Trying to find happiness again."

"Ah..."

Both of them were silent since it felt too similar... Similar to the day Kaneki left... Because Touka too had been sad for the following days after, she had trouble with moving on and when she did... He came back...

Kaneki felt the same way. His melancholic eyes glanced sadly at Touka.

"S-so... The other poem?" The ukaku ghoul quickly asked.

"The second one represents rebirth, the repeat of a cycle, to be specific love, like the seasons... There are happy times, sad times, but we all continue to live, because even if the bad times keep coming back... The good times will also come back... And even if people will be apart due to circumstances, the day will arrive when they're reunited again.

Touka wondered if life was pulling some kind of prank with her or her books, these poems were way too similar to her current situation. "Spring represents the blossoming of love? Summer the mutual feelings that have grown and accepted each other, while autumn and winter represent growing apart and the partings? And then it all repeats when spring arrives..."

Kaneki nodded. "See, you can do it."

"What stupid poems." The girl muttered. "As if it's really as easy as that."

"Yeah..." The man agreed.

They stared at the poems silently, their hands holding each other. Touka squeezed a bit, she felt afraid.

Kaneki noticed and gently pulled her on his lap, whispering reassuring words. "It's okay, I'll be there for you, even if I'm not by your side, I will always think of you. I promise I'll be back. I won't leave you alone."

Touka allowed her tears to fall for only a few second, when Kaneki kissed her cheeks, catching as many tears as possible.

"I'll miss you.."

"Me too."

Their faces met again, in a desperate need to stay close. Their tongues twisted gently and needy against each other. In the quiet apartment the sounds of their beating hearts and soft moans, were the only things that broke the silence. Arms wrapped around their bodies, not wanting to let go so soon because they knew if they did, it would mean they were out of time. So they continued to engulf to engulf themselves in their kiss, wishing that time could stop for this moment...

* * *

As dawn had arrived, the sky was dyed in a beautiful orange-red. People were returning from their work, school or any other activities, back home, back to their families.

Kaneki walked through the desolate street of the sixth ward. Eyes hardly focused on anything except ahead of him. Where others returned home, he left home. From the bright, peaceful world to the world of survival, fights and carnage. He wondered if Touka would be fine if she wouldn't feel too lonely in her apartment. He hoped she wasn't breaking apart, that she continued her daily life like she did before.

_'Maybe, I made a mistake by coming, but I can't turn back now, I won't. This selfish me will keep going forward because I know, when all is over she'll be still waiting for me.'_

Love sprouts during spring, during the summer it has blossomed and shines brightly, until autumn takes it away and leaves it bleeding in winter, but just as the seasons, it will sprout and blossom again when spring arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter during the week that episode one of Tokyo Ghoul √A. After seeing the ending and hearing Seasons die one after another for the first time I got such a rush of inspiration. You guys probably noticed with the poem, since it was a reference to the ending song of season 2. Really I have no idea how I got that idea for the poem, it just appeared... I really wanted to just write some Touken time, after all, the suspense I put you guys through. XD So let's say that this one and the previous chapter are a makeup for my actions. But hey, good stories need to be built first and after all the shit Kaneki had gone through yeah he'd yearn for some intimate contact, not that intimate he just got together with Touka. Kaneki would be the type of person who'd want to take his time, and because of his mindset and decision, I don't think he'd return to Anteiku to be with Touka. We've seen it in the manga, so yeah he's more selfish here because that's what I wanted to bring forth. hen he's with Touka I think his selfishness gets worse, he can't see other possibilities, except the one he deems to be the only solution. As for Touka, well she's happy he didn't disappear completely, he came back, for her. Even if he did change, his love for her and gentleness didn't. She loves him because he's a sweet and caring person and he still is with his friends so that little bit that's left of Kuroneki, she'll try to keep that part alive. Thought we know that she loves Shironeki too because he's still Kaneki, but she is lamenting about what happened to him and her ignorance for not knowing what had happened to him. The only thing you can do in such a situation is trying to ease the pain. As Hinami stated in the manga, Kaneki is the happiest when he's with Touka and that happiness is what you'll be reading about in the majority of the future chapters, of course, there will be downfalls like the poem says, but they'll get through those bad times too. :)


	10. Selfish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. Hopefully, I can post the remaining chapters as fast as I can.

The first thing what happened when Kaneki returned from Touka's place, was getting bombarded with questions by Banjou and the others who were curious about his whereabouts and the sudden new clothes he was wearing. Kaneki had just shrugged it off and said he went to check something out which ended up differently than what he predicted. He knew they respected his privacy and didn't pry any further, but Hinami... She knew her brother figure very well, also, her great sense of smell made it harder to hide the truth.

"You visited onee-chan?!" The girl asked curiously. After the white-haired ghoul had returned to his chamber, with the younger ghoul following behind.

Kaneki scratched his back awkwardly. "I just went to check up on her a little."

"You smell of onee-chan..." Hinami countered. "And what happened to the clothes you wore yesterday?"

Kaneki was silent. Not sure what to say. "I spent the night with Touka-chan..."

The two ghouls heard a thump in front of the door. When the white-haired male opened the door, he saw Banjou on the floor and his face completely red. "Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to listen in, it's just that the information we were waiting for arrived just moments ago, so I wanted to tell you..."

"It's alright," Kaneki reassured his friend.

Banjou nodded. He stared at the half-ghoul and grinned. "But Kaneki, I wouldn't have guessed..."

The half-ghoul raised his eyebrow in confusion. "What?"

Banjou stood up, cleaned some non-existent dust from his pants and gave the shorter man a hug, which made Kaneki feel uncomfortable and stiff. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you."

Kaneki eyed Hinami for an explanation, but she seemed as confused as him and only shook her head as a response.

"What's happening?" Jiro asked as he, Ichimi and Sante came upstairs.

"Our Kaneki has become a man!" Banjou exclaimed proudly. "It's hard to believe that it's with Ayato's sister of all people. She gives off this scary, cold vibe like her brother." The ghoul shivered slightly at the memory. "And she has a nasty tongue, but if you're happy with her. We'll be supportive!"

Jiro, Ichimi, and Sante stared at each other and cheered. "Lucky bastard!"

They also hugged Kaneki and suddenly the white-haired male felt as if a switch flickered on inside his mind when he finally understood what they meant. "Ah, that didn't happen. I just slept on her couch."

The four other ghouls quiet down as they slowly released their leader who got back on his feet, feeling slightly awkward at the misunderstanding. Hinami also seemed to catch on the meaning of Banjou's statement and blushed.

"You slept on her couch?" Banjou repeated, hoping he heard it right.

"Yeah," He decided to leave everything else out. There was no need to tell any details. It was between him and Touka. "It was late, so I spent the night at her apartment, but nothing happened."

Kaneki could see that they wanted to ask more since he hasn't explained much, not even why he was at Touka's place. Hinami had a face that understood what and why that had happened, but she stayed quiet about it. "Banjou-san, could you maybe show me what we talked about earlier." She asked.

"Huh? Oh sure." He turned towards Kaneki, feeling really embarrassed. "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding."

"It's alright. I'll take a look at what Tsukiyama has sent us. We'll discuss the contents later when he arrives and decide our next action afterwards."

Banjou nodded. He, Sante, Jiro and Ichimi went downstairs, while Hinami, turned to her brother figure. "I'm happy for both you and onee-chan." She smiled. "Please don't make her sad again like last time."

"Thank you and don't worry, I won't," Kaneki answered as he returned to his room and closed the door. Hinami finally went downstairs where the four ghouls were sitting in the living room.

"So, what do you think happened?" Sante asked curiously.

"Who knows," Ichimi answered. "Only Kaneki-san knows..."

"Onii-chan probably felt guilty," Hinami answered. She took a seat next to Banjou. "So he went to onee-chan to make her feel better."

"Where they close?"

"Nn. Onii-chan came by often to help me with my kanji and onee-chan with her homework. Sometimes he'd visited for other reasons, but onee-chan always enjoyed his company, as onii-chan enjoyed hers."

Banjou was quiet and stared at the direction where Kaneki's room was. "Let's hope that they can enjoy each other's company for a while longer."

* * *

Kaneki laid on his bed, gaze focused on the white ceiling, thoughts completely somewhere else. The face Touka had when she saw him again; there were so many emotions in those eyes; shock, confusion, disbelief, sadness, anger, but buried deep within all those emotions he noticed something else; happiness. When she broke down into sobs Kaneki hardly had any idea what to do, the anger in her voice hit him hard and the pain... his mind had gone blank, so the only thing he could do was hold her, while she released all her bottled up feelings, her sadness. He was relieved when she had calmed down, but it seemed to him like she was still holding back something, unspoken words that were at the edge of her tongue, waiting to be released, but she didn't. She kept quiet. He wondered if he should have asked her. Aside from the time they had spent together, there was still a lot he didn't know about her, then again she didn't know a lot about him either.

It hadn't been even a day since he returned and he missed the ukaku ghoul already. The smell of her hair, her soft skin, her voice, her touch, those soft lips, the look in her eyes. But he couldn't be any more greedy than he already was. He had seen her already, he got to talk to her and more than what he had actually imagined.

First, he had to focus on what was important at the moment, his plans... And afterwards, could he return to being selfish again.

The nineteen-year-old stared at the document and decided to read it. "... I really don't understand woman..." He muttered.

Seeing Touka angry and letting out her frustrations was normal since it wasn't something rare to behold with that temper of hers, but sometimes she would get angry for no reason only to become depressed later which followed by locking herself away from the outside world and hiding in her sanctuary that was her room. She had done it quite some times during his time working at Anteiku, but he never figured out the reason. Maybe if he knew more, he could avoid any other future outbursts of the female ghoul. Probably not, but maybe they'd be less frequent.

Banjou's words ran through the 19-year old's head. Him and Touka... To say that he didn't feel at least a little embarrassed by the misunderstanding would be a lie, but things weren't as easy as they sounded. There were boundaries he knew he shouldn't cross and 'that' was one of them. Visiting Touka was actually one he shouldn't have crossed either, nor getting so intimate with her, but even as a guy there was so much he could take. Also, he felt guilty after leaving her, while he had promised her, that he wouldn't leave her alone after he had saved her from Ayato's attack. It was almost impossible to get the image of her face out of his head. He wanted to apologize, comfort her so badly and after seeing her again after all those weeks... made it only worse. People are selfish and so was he, no matter after what masked he tried to hide his actions.

He knew that he couldn't drag her into his world and he wouldn't. He didn't want her to see his feral side, the bloodthirsty monster that he had turned into. The ghoul that would erase everything that would stand in his way with no mercy, but he refused to let go of her and allow her to continue her life with so much freedom. At least part of her was his, his and no one else's, just as a part of him was hers and hers alone. He wouldn't allow anyone to mess with her, not that he was worried about that. Touka was the type of person who'd scare away anyone who would piss her off and he had enough memories of those moments; the first was after he just had found out that he had become a half-ghoul when an old man tried to molest her, so she killed him without mercy. Then there was that other time when he started to work at Anteiku. Some drunken guys tried to pick her up, but her foul mood had warned them enough to stay away from her for the rest of their lives and the night after he had left Anteiku when he decided to check up on her from afar. A smile crept on his face as he remembered the comical scene.

No matter how selfish he is, he didn't regret his decision one bit and he wouldn't in the future either. Because he knew; only she could make him smile and truly feel happy. That's why he allowed himself to be selfish, because who knows how long it would last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You think it's funny if I tell you that I wrote this after I've written the chapter that will come after this one? I decided to switch their released because it would make more sense with the timeline. Also, we all want to get into Kaneki's mind, right? He's just filled with mysteries! I wanted to give this chapter a bit more humour to wash away all the sadness and angst from the other chapters... not that we can get rid of it completely with an angsty manga. I also wanted to give a more profound description about Kaneki's thought about his stay at Touka's and his view on their relationship. That's why I named this chapter selfish because he took another selfish decision, which he reflects upon... not really. I believe in a way that Kaneki could be somewhat possessive due to his abandonment issues, we all know, his are worse than Touka's and now that he and Touka are in a relationship he won't feel lonely anymore. Then we go back to his selfishness of not wanting to be alone; he'll do anything to keep that new feeling of comfort and love and, of course, other guys near Touka would be out of the question. Not that he would show it because as stated in the story, he knows Touka's 'lovely' personality. XD But his thoughts won't hide it and that's what we can enjoy! Also, Banjou and the other's deserve to appear too because they're awesome! Especially Hinami! The shipper on deck! I love her soo much! Another note also that this chapter will signal how the support and comments of others can influence a person with his/ her future decisions.


	11. A Woman's Heart

Touka was staring out of the window, admiring the view her school grounds provided. Her school year was almost over, but she wasn't feeling nervous for her final year at all. She had studied very hard this year and she was planning to work even harder for her third year. Her eyes caught the cherry blossom tree standing in the middle of the school ground. The flowers were beginning to sprout already, little pink buds were visible on the tree, announcing the arrival of spring.

"... Beautiful..."

Her mind strayed away from her vision, as memories from weeks ago submerged in her conscious. Her gaze stayed frozen on the tree, not even paying attention to her surroundings. She recalled clearly the intoxicating taste of his lips and his soft voice whispering in her ears, the feeling of his hands slowly caressing her face and those eyes, which gave her the feeling as if he was piercing through her soul, unravelling every feeling and secrets she held.

"Touka-chan!"

"Eh?" The almost senior high school girl snapped back into reality. "Ah Yoriko, is there something wrong?" She asked, quickly hiding her rushing feeling of nervousness and trying to calm down her racing heart.

"I was asking you that the whole time. You've been spacing out a lot lately and you stare at things for no apparent reason. Not only that, but you seem happier too, you're smiling a lot lately... Did anything good happen?" The blonde's eyes sparkled with curiosity.

The ghoul's cheeks reddened slightly. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh god, it's about that co-worker of yours, right?! Did you confess?! Did he confess? Or is it something else? I was really worried the last few weeks since you were all sad, gloomy and depressed. I though he rejected you or that you had a fight."

"I keep telling you, I wasn't feeling very well during that time!" Touka protested. "And why do you think it's about him?"

"You've been staring at the window for a long time and smiling like some... love-struck... okay, not love-struck, but like a person who got reunited with her/ his loved one. You smile more genuinely, not the ones that you usually give when you pretend to be interested in something, but real smiles, that come from inside you and I've caught you blushing a lot and last but not least you're spacing out very day! You hardly pay any attention in the class, you're doodling... Strange pictures instead of taking notes. Those are the major signs for any girl in love!" Yoriko finished in a dramatic way. "My Touka-chan is in love! I knew it! I'm so happy for you! Who would have known that Kirishima Touka would fall in love! Especially with a guy who studies and loves literature; something you completely despise and don't understand!"

"Please be quiet and don't say any nonsense!" Touka tried desperately to calm her energetic friend down. She was in no mood to draw any unnecessary attention. Kaneki probably didn't want to get spotted when he visited her, so she should do her best to cover for him. "Seriously, you called me just to rant about my behaviour?"

"Ah, I almost forgot!" Yoriko exclaimed as she quickly sat down. "They're going to open a new swimming pool in a few weeks and I thought that we could go together!"

Touka gulped. Swimming, she never had the privilege to learn how to swim, since she was too busy with surviving and chasing off annoying pests who tried to hurt her or her brother. Then there's the part where the majority of the ghouls, never bother learning such trivial things, since it wouldn't be of any use to them. "I... don't have a swimsuit..."

"We can always buy you one! That's one of the great things about swimming! The moment when you buy a swimsuit with your friends or do you prefer buying one with your boyfriend?" The blonde grinned. "Also isn't it about that that you introduce him to me?"

"We're not like that and he's very busy, he doesn't have that much free time than he used to have..."

"University keeps you very busy, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Fine I get it, but in return... we'll go swimsuit shopping and you'll have to tell me everything that happened!"

"I'm telling you, nothing happened." The female ghoul persisted.

Yoriko pouted and wanted to continue her prodding, but the teacher walked in that moment, announcing the start of their next class. "Fine," She sighed in defeat. "But when classes are over I won't let you get away." She declared.

"I have to work." Touka reminded her, happy how her part-time job had saved her from many awkward or annoying confrontations.

She could see her friend sighing in disappointment. "Fine, but you have to tell me sometime! That's what friends are for!"

The ukaku ghoul knew that she couldn't escape this and gave in. "Alright, I'll call you when I have time."

And with that, their attention turned towards the teacher, but it didn't take long before the teenager returned her gaze outside, back at the Cherry blossom tree, her mind completely indulges in memories of Kaneki...

* * *

 

During her shift at Anteiku, the routine repeated itself all over again. During breaks; Touka would gaze, at whatever was in front of her and smile absent-mindedly. All the employees sent glances at the female ghoul, wondering why the sudden change of mood, after all, the sour, gloomy state she was before.

"Touka, is everything alright?" Irimi asked in a concerned voice.

The said girl looked up from the table she was cleaning, obviously confused by the question. "Sure, why not?"

"It's just that your mood seems to have become brighter compared to a month ago. Did something happen?"

Touka stared at her. Since when was she such an open book? She should be more careful. The girl sighed and shook her head. "Not really, it's just I'm a bit nervous, I'll be in my senior year soon and that means I'll have to prepare and study very hard for the entrance exams."

The other female nodded with a glint in her eyes. "I see, I guess that's something to be nervous about. I never went to school, so I can't know exactly what it's like, but... It's hard, knowing that you won't see your friends that often when you go to university..."

A glint of nostalgia filled them both. "Yeah, it's not easy, knowing you can't see your friends..."

"So, which university do you plan to apply for? I know everyone has been asked, but I'm also curious."

Touka rubbed her arm nervously. "Uhm, I've been checking around and I think I want to attempt Kami university and study biology..."

A smirk appeared on Irimi's lips. "I see, well that would be a hard choice. I'm not very familiar with universities, but if he attended that university, it must be quite good."

"Yeah..."

The two stood silent for a while; the older female ghoul watched the younger one while the ukaku ghoul felt more and more uncomfortable under her senior's gaze. "Uhm, we should continue with cleaning." Touka started as she continued with her work. "Or else we'll be here till late in the evening."

"Sure, I'll get us a drink. You must be thirsty after all the hard work."

Irimi quickly went upstairs, which Touka found odd since she could just prepare the coffee with the machine.

The SS ranked ghoul turned left and opened the door, she heard a thud and looked at the ground, where Enji and Nishiki, who was cursing at the older ghoul for making him fall, and Roma were laying flat on their back. Obviously, they tried to listen in.

I expected more from you, Roma-chan." The ukaku ghoul raised her eyebrows. "As a woman yourself, you should understand how much we don't like it when others try to take a peek on a private conversation."

Roma scratched her back awkwardly. "I'm sorry."

"Well?" Enji asked. "Do you know what's wrong with our little rabbit?"

Irimi smiled. "Let's just say that a woman's heart is more profound than you two guys can understand."

She walked over to her bag when she took out two black ice-coffee and went back to the door.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Nishiki asked.

"How about you ask your human girlfriend? I bet she would know." Irimi smirked.

She went back to the waiting ukaku ghoul, leaving the two males pondering over what she said and Roma blushing at the meaning of Irimi's words.

"A woman's heart, huh?" Enji muttered.

"You don't think she..." Nishiki wondered.

"Hah, there is nothing more romantic than a secret rendezvous between two young people," Enji smiled. "The little rabbit is really easy to figure out."

"The idiot." The bikaku ghoul muttered.

Roma looked at the two puzzled. "What is it? Is there someone Touka likes? Who? You guys know who it is?!"

"Let's just say we knew about it for a while," Enji smiled, while he and Nishiki left the room. Leaving the newest member more curious.

"Please tell me! I won't tell a soul!"

A woman's heart is similar to lot of things; an ocean, fast with a never ending horizon and deep blue waves that can suck everything down when storm arrives, mysterious and complicated like a labyrinth, with it's never ending paths and complicated passages, if you're not careful enough, you could get lost, while trying to understand it, fickle like ice on a warm winter day, if not treated carefully it can break apart with ease and leave a hole that's almost impossible to mend, but it also burns with passion and love. So, even if all Touka can do is wait, she knows that they will be together again in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, I just love those meaningful; poetic sentence. I don't know why, but they give a sense of... truth, mystery? I think this is the brightest chapter off all! XD and practically one of the simplest themes ever; a girl in love. Come on even Touka has her girlish sides, thoughts she hardly shows it, so here we have it in the cutest way possible! I think this is an important chapter, because not only do we see how much Touka's changing in a good way, also how humane she is, aside from her being a ghoul. No matter how badass she is, she's still a living being with feelings. I've never seen cherry blossoms before, except on the internet and it really looks beautiful. Also spring, cherry blossoms is something I can definitely socialize with new/ young love. Another thing I thought about was characters! I had to write some of Anteiku and Yoriko because they're awesome and it shows how close they are with Touka, because no matter how good you are at pretending and acting, those who've been around you for so long can still see the change in attitude.


	12. Passing Leaves

Time passes like leaves falling throughout the seasons, you blink for a second and before you know it, it's over. Touka agreed with that, she had been studying and studying and before she realized it, classes had passed and she was enjoying the start of her vacation. She knew that things would become very busy when she enters her senior year. But the girl had the feeling that today would have been more nerve wrecking than preparing for her final exams and university.

The ukaku ghoul gulped as she stared wide-eyed in front of her. She had never felt so nervous in her life. Why did she agree to this again? She closed her eyes and took a nervous breath, which she didn't let go until she felt a pair of hands on her shoulder. She looked up at the man who gave her a worried glance. "Are you sure?" He asked.

Touka nodded, determination present in her eyes. "Let's get this over with." 

* * *

A few days earlier...

"You want me to help you with what?" Kaneki asked surprised.

He was sitting on her couch, reading a book while the female ghoul sat next to him. Eyes filled with nervousness and panic. "Well, Yoriko has invited me to go swimming with her," Touka mumbled. "But, but... I've never done anything like that before... Swimming I mean... I know it's much to ask... But I want you to teach me how to swim!"

The half-ghoul stared at the girl for a while, surprised at her odd unsuspecting request. Before he noticed it, he let out a chuckle.

"D-Don't you dare to laugh!" The 17-year-old hollered. Maybe she should have looked online for advice after all.

"No, don't get me wrong. I was just surprised." The white-haired man admitted.

Touka felt her body crumble from embarrassment. "I just want to enjoy the time I have with Yoriko..." She admitted I don't go out a lot as you've already figured out and I just want to... Well, enjoy some days like regular high school students would..."

Kaneki's eyes soften as he gazed into Touka's eyes. "Alright." He declared.

Touka looked surprised and gave the man a confused glance. "Huh?"

"I'll do it. I'll teach you how to swim. But you need a swimsuit and focus on your studies first. So, how about we'll meet the day after you finish your last classes of the year at the swimming pool near the mall."

Still surprised at Kaneki's answer, the girl nodded absent-mindedly. 

* * *

 

So after that day Touka had focused almost all her attention on school, she was dragged by Yoriko to go swimming suit hunting as her friend named it a few days ago. It was the most awkward thing she had done in her entire life. That and that Yoriko kept choosing revealing bikinis, because if she ever would go swimming with (the gloomy idiot) Kaneki, she'd had to leave a good impression. To which the girl protested very hard, since, in her opinion, the purpose of a swimming suit was to swim in it, not attract attention, that was something that she definitely didn't need.

Kaneki took Touka by the hand and led her inside the building. He was wearing a wig to not draw any attention to himself, but the girl wondered if it was such a good idea since they were going to swim and there would be a change that it would be washed away by the water.

"You can change in here, I'll be in the other one." The half-ghoul pointed out.

The blue-haired teen looked suspiciously at the changing rooms, before nodding at him and closing the door of the small space.

Touka didn't know if the reason for her uncomfortable feeling was because she was going to swim for the first time or was it because she was going to do something aside from her normal conversations with Kaneki... A date is what they would call this? No, it was just a private swimming lesson from the person she likes, a lesson that would probably be very humiliating for her. She told herself.

The female ghoul snapped out of her thoughts, she wouldn't get anywhere by fussing about it. So without any more hesitation, she took off her shirt and everything else and quickly took out her bikini from her bag. 

* * *

Kaneki was waiting outside the locker rooms for Touka to arrive. To be honest, he didn't know what to think of being in the open public of the 20th ward. After all, he's been through and done... The peace felt odd to him. There was no need to sneak around or devour, no need to be on guard, just... Normal... He wasn't nervous at all, after all, for most of his life he lived a danger free life, so he knew how to behave, but it still felt odd, especially since he hardly had set foot in a swimming pool at all. When he was younger, Hide would drag him from time to time to swim with him, but since his last 2 high school years and university days, he was too busy with studying, finishing assignments and reading.

The half-ghoul looked up when he heard the door of Touka's changing room closing. The girl had wrapped herself in a towel, clearly not used to it. She glanced at the man. "Who would have thought that months ago you were such a scrawny guy, who couldn't even give a punch."

Kaneki looked down at his own body. He had been training hard since his escape, his chest and stomach became toned over the days, the scar he had gotten from the operation was still visible. "I've been training more."

Touka nodded, she walked over to the man and stopped. "Now, let's get this over with." She mumbled.

"Sure." The white-haired teen answered. "Let's store your clothes in the locker first."

Touka was slightly confused but didn't ask. She grabbed her clothes and shoes and placed them in one of the nearby lockers, which Kaneki locked after placing a coin in it and taking the key with him.

"The probability that belongings get stolen in swimming pools is very high." The half-ghoul explained. "So it's better to store them away."

Touka nodded in understanding and followed the man out of the room and entered the swimming area. To the ukaku ghoul's horror, there were a lot of people at the pool. _'Why are there so many people?'_ She thought.

"It's probably worse during summer vacation," Kaneki explained. "I guess because vacation has started for the most of them, that it's very crowded today."

Touka kept staring at the mass of people uncomfortably until she noticed Kaneki holding his hand out for the girl to take. "Don't worry, the water won't bite and no one would pay much attention to you and you better place your towel somewhere, unless you plan to swim with it."

The ukaku ghoul nodded slowly, before taking off the towel. She was wearing a striped two-piece, the diagonal dark purple and black stripes adorned both her top and pants and a black small bow which tied her bikini bra together. To be honest, this was chosen due to her and Yoriko's compromise during their shopping day, it wasn't as revealing as Yoriko had hoped, but it wasn't completely Touka's style either. It could be worse; was what she decided. The female ghoul noticed the half-ghoul's eyes on her. "What?!" She barked, mostly due to her nervousness, but also due to irritation.

"Ah, nothing, it's just... It looks really good on you." The male commented.

Her cheeks turned slightly rosy. "... Thanks... So are we going in, or what?"

Kaneki nodded and led her to a place where they could start their private swimming class without getting disturbed. 

* * *

For Touka, this was the hardest and most embarrassing thing she had ever endured. Yes, she would even make such a fuss if Kaneki were to see her in her underwear, but now, she felt like a helpless child, which she absolutely despised.

"Try to relax your body a bit more and don't move your legs so frantically," Kaneki instructed.

"I'm trying, but this impossible!" The ukaku ghoul wined. She quickly stopped with her actions and sat on the sidelines in frustration.

"You want to do this for your friend, don't you?" The half-ghoul asked.

"Yes... But."

Kaneki placed his hand over her mouth to silence her. "Just don't think about anything else, except for Yoriko-chan. There's no need to be embarrassed." He took her hand and gently pulled her back into the water. "I'll guide you." He murmured softly.

The teenager felt her cheeks heat up upon feeling his warm breath on her skin. Oh god, this is going to be harder than she thought it would be.

After a few more minutes of hopeless attempts on Touka's side. They decided to take a small break.

"I suck at this!" The girl grumbled as she sank down on her knees, the water barely touching her chin.

Kaneki looked down at the sulking girl. "It's nothing to be ashamed about." He answered. "Everyone would be like that when they're just starting. Besides, you have improved."

The ukaku ghoul glanced at the half-ghoul. He was staring at the unsuspecting humans, they were enjoying their days as if it's the most normal thing in the world. For them, it is at least. It made it seem as if all that fighting, all the pain that's present in the world, was only a mere dream. But both knew otherwise.

His expression turned slightly gloomy as he wandered off in his own thoughts, which for some reason made Touka feel uncomfortable. So she is what should be... Appropriate in her eyes. She quickly grabbed his wrists and pulled him into the water.

Shocked, the only response Kaneki could give was a gasp as his eyes widen and a splash was heard. The teen quickly resurfaced from the water and coughed several times, his wig was drenched, but luckily didn't fall from his head. "Touka-chan, what...?"

"We're supposed to enjoy it together, also your face looked as if you were asking for someone to push you into the pool." She answered with a proud expression on her face. "And don't worry, it'll dry sooner or later." She added, obviously referring to the half-ghoul's wig.

A small smiled crept on his face. He grabbed her hand and pulled Touka closer to him and planted a small kiss on her lips. The blue-haired girl blushed slightly. "Thank you and you're right. How about we continue our swimming lessons?"

"As long as you won't stand there like an idiot. And don't even think of doing that in public again! We shouldn't attract too much attention."

"Too much attention?" The male mused. "It's not rare to see two people display their affection in public. Besides, everyone is too occupied with their own activities." Kaneki pointed out as he planted a kiss on her forehead, slowly tracing them down until he met her lips again.

The ukaku ghoul had to muster all her willpower to break free from the kiss. "Swimming lesson's first." She reminded him.

Kaneki nodded as he kissed her forehead one more time. "Alright, now please follow my instructions carefully and don't forget to relax your body.

Touka nodded as she repeated the movements she had been practising earlier. Little by little she was improving. "Look Kaneki, I can already..."

Before Touka could finish a ball hit her face and she nearly hit her head against the wall from the surprise. The ghoul quickly emerged from the water and began to cough and gag.

"Touka-chan... Are you alright?" Kaneki asked.

Touka continued to cough. "I think I swallowed some water... Ugh... I'm not feeling so good..."

"My ball!"

Kaneki and Touka looked up to see a five-year-old boy running up to them, followed by some other kids around the same age and a woman, who probably was their guardian. The child quickly grabbed his ball and glanced towards the ukaku ghoul. "Onee-san, are you alright?" His expression was filled with guilt. "Did the ball hurt you?"

"Kei, what did I say about throwing the ball too hard? Ah, I'm so sorry for my little brother's behaviour. Are you alright? You look a bit sick."

"I think she swallowed the water from the swimming pool on accident." Kaneki explaining.

Touka was too busy trying to fight the quickly growing nausea. "I think I'm going to throw up." She mumbled weakly.

"The toilets are near the doors on the left..." The woman explained, but as soon as Touka heard the word toilet, she ran with inhuman speed to her salvation.

"... Uhm."

"She has a weak stomach." The half-ghoul said. "As a result, she becomes nauseous, very often. You could say it became likes reflex to her."

"I see. Again, I apologise for Kei's behavior, he's a very impatient boy and he tends to be reckless." The woman eyed her younger brother strictly, who flinched at his sister's glare.

"I'm sorry... I won't cause trouble anymore. I promise."

"Don't worry about it," Kaneki smiled. "Children are always restless. I'm going to see how my girlfriend is doing." The man said as he quickly followed the direction the ukaku ghoul had run to."

It wasn't anything fun at all. Honestly, Touka wasn't sure if this was any worse than Yoriko's food. She couldn't stop the waves of nausea and the vomiting that continued on. Her stomach felt horrible, her head hurt and she wondered if this was how people who were close to drowning felt. She had already figured that the swimming pool water was different from the regular water, due to the smell that was burning her nostrils, but this was outrageous.

"Touka-chan, are you feeling better?" She heard Kaneki's voice from behind the toilet.

The teen couldn't answer immediately. She was breathing heavily and that terrible feeling was present in her stomach. After a few more seconds of silence, vomiting and madly gasping, she finally calmed down and flushed the toilet. The teen opened the door slowly, head popping out. "... I think I've had enough swimming for today..." She mumbled weakly.

The ringaku ghoul nodded in understanding. "Let's go back." He said as he grabbed the girl and allowed her to lean on him while they retreated to the changing rooms. 

* * *

"Never again, am I going to swim in the middle of the day." The female ghoul grumbled as they made their way to her apartment.

Kaneki was carrying Touka on his back, who was still feeling too sick to walk properly without the feeling that her stomach would disintegrate, accompanied by another wave of nausea. "It depends on where you swim." He answered. "As you noticed the swimming pools are always split into different pools; shallow for the infants and less experienced swimmers, those are mostly used for swimming classes, then you have the deeper swimming pools for the average swimmers, be it kids, elders or adults and the deep pools, those are meant for the experienced swimmers. Some have outdoor pools too, mostly the bigger ones."

"Did you use to swim often?" Touka asked, curiosity clearly present in her tone.

"Not that much, I had a few swimming classes when I was small and sometimes I had school trips to a swimming pool, but that's about it."

"You know... You can let me down already. My breath stinks and no sane person would stay this close." Touka mumbled awkwardly.

"Don't worry about it, I know worse." The half-ghoul reassured her. His mind returned to the days he was held hostage in Aogiri. The stench Yamori's torture room had when he entered. It smelled like rotten meat, dried up blood; ghoul blood of course and something else that made his nose twitch in disgust by just the thought of it. He had to endure the smell for about ten days, so Touka's breath was doing little to him now.

"Are you alright?"

Touka's voice snapped the man out of his memories. He turned to her and gave her a smile. "Yeah, I was just... Lost in my thoughts. Why?"

"We're near my apartment." She pointed out.

He hadn't noticed it at all. If it wasn't for Touka he'd probably pass the building without notice. "Oh..."

Upon arriving at Touka's door, the girl handed over her house keys. Kaneki walked in, silently and laid the girl down on the couch. The ukaku girl quickly got up and walked into her bathroom, more than eager to get rid of her smelly breath.

Kaneki decided to get some coffee for the both of them. By the time he placed the cups on the table, Touka came out of the bathroom. Her face looked completely refreshed. The smell of vomit had completely disappeared and the terrible taste of the swimming pool water was stinging slightly in her throat.

The girl mumbled a thank you as he gave her, her coffee. They drank their coffee in silence like they mostly did, but there was something that was lurking in Touka's mind and she was dying to know the answer to it. "How long can you stay?"

Kaneki looked up at the girl, he didn't seem very surprised by the question, probably expecting she would ask sooner or later. "I'm not sure..."

She should have seen this coming. She never knew when he'd stop by. He just appears in front of her, when she isn't at work or with her friends of course. If there's one thing Touka had realized, then it's how unpredictable Kaneki had become. Sure, she couldn't read his mind before either, but at least, she could detect when he was troubled and predict his clumsy actions. His face would give away. But now... He always had a troubled, painful look on his face.

Kaneki placed his hands over hers when he noticed her tensing. The girl quickly snapped out of her thoughts and stared at the man across her. "I will stay today..." He reassured her.

She nodded, but the knot in her stomach wouldn't disappear because she knew it was only for a short time, she'd have to watch his retreating back like last time, it made her heart ache when she looked at his retreating figure... Despite his choices... She couldn't help but notice his loneliness. The ukaku ghoul leaned over the table and kissed him affectionately. He returns her kiss eagerly. Lips touching gently but eagerly, sparks shot through Touka's entire body. She couldn't think or breath.

When Kaneki's tongue brushed against her lips, she was more than willing to grant him entrance. It felt rough against her smooth tongue. A mixture of Their tongues danced around each other, trying to find an opportunity to gain dominance. Sourness, spiciness, sweetness, many different flavours prickled their taste buds as they enjoyed each other's intimacy. Touka was surprised when she detected something odd she couldn't put her finger on, but that thought went down the drain quickly, as the female ghoul gasped, when she felt his hand trailing down her body, until it rested just above her ass and thus gaining the upper hand. _'That bastard did it on purpose!'_ Before she could do anything a moan escaped her throat. Where did he learn to kiss so well?

They broke apart, after what seemed ages, for air. Kaneki shifted his attention to leave butterfly kisses on her neck.

"Thank you... For today." The seventeen-year-old gasped. "Though, I had expected it would go differently, but I actually enjoyed myself."

The male stopped and gazed at the girl. "So, does that mean that you're going to continue practising?"

"Hell no, I don't want to have that disgusting taste in my mouth ever again!"

"Not even for Yoriko-chan?"

Touka's face turned into a look of discomfort. Would she really want her friend to see her in the condition she was in today...? This whole thing started because she didn't want her friend to find out that she had never swum before and spare Yoriko the guilt she would feel if she knew.

Kaneki smiled as he pulled the girl closer to him. "It's alright, I know things will be better next time."

"Hmm." Was the only answer she had.

For the rest of the day, they just stayed like that; on the ground, wrapped in each other's arms, sharing their happiness with crazy stories they had experienced. Be it the unusual tennis match Touka experienced during her last gym class, or Hinami's lousy attempt to cook because she wanted to know more about humans. Moments like these were the only ones, when they both could be at peace because they would forget about the future, about reality and feel that for a short moment as if the world revolved only around each other. There they could leave their guard wide-open without a care and try to enjoy as much as possible, thought their love was still young and in its blossoming stage, time, in reality, would never stop and like the leaves, it would pass quickly from winter to spring, to summer and autumn, where it'll start it's slumber and announce that another year nears its ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What to say what to say... First of all, it's a development of an idea I got. I wanted to showcase daily life like moments and I always thought that most ghouls couldn't swim, because they're too busy with surviving and running away from doves, to even try to learn. It was also a nice opportunity to give Touka and Kaneki some outdoor time together! Didn't end up like a normal date would be. Poor Touka she seems to be throwing up a lot, when will the bad luck stop? Maybe I should tone down my sadistic side. XD But Kaneki, at least, proves to be more than a capable boyfriend, right? One you would like to have yourself. When I was about 8 years old I swallowed pool water, when my sis toppled me under and yeah it was nothing fun, I threw up right there when I got out of the pool. I didn't even had the time to run to the bathroom because it was so horrible. I don't really remembered what happened afterwards, but I think we went home. I didn't develop a fear for swimming pools, luckily. But I don't have time now to swim. Hah. The proto-title for this chapter was swimming classes, but I didn't like it, because it felt so unoriginal, so I decided to come up with something that had a deeper meaning, good thing I can always start rereading the first few sentences and the last few sentences of my chapter, because there are the key messages of the chapter. It reminds me of my presentation classes because the beginning wraps up at the end. It's something my teacher told me to do with presentation and look it also applies to fanfics.


	13. Reflection of the Past

Spring continues, slowly, but slowly, the days become warmer as the new classes for the coming school year have been announced. So now, the students can finally relax and enjoy their vacation to their fullest until the start of the new school year in April.

"It was so delicious! The edge felt a bit dry; like crumbles, but on the inside it felt moist and so sweet! The taste was very concentrated by the filling. I could almost feel the dough mixed with the fruit syrup! Such a strong flavour! It was one of the best fruitcakes I've ever tasted!" Yoriko explained gleefully.

Touka was sitting next to her, listening attentively and hiding the cringing feeling she felt running through her body. Ever since the repeated food incidents with Yoriko, her body started to act more repulsive towards human food than usual. Also, when she had her first swimming experience and... Accident with the pool water, her stomach became even more sensitive. "That's good to hear..."

"You should try it too!" The blonde beamed.

The ghoul held back another shudder. "I'm not that fond of cakes..."

"But every girl likes sweet food!"

"Not everyone..." Touka did like the taste of sweetness, but her description would also come with the taste of sweet blood together with the soft juicy flesh of a human corpse. Touka was sure that her definition of sweet was different from Yoriko's.

"Anyway, I had a great time the other day." Yoriko continued. "We all had, the new swimming pool was awesome, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was fun." The girl thanked her lover silently for the swimming lessons. Even if they were embarrassing, it saved her from a bigger humiliation.

"And as I expected, that bikini looked perfect on you! So many guys were staring."

"I think they were staring at the girls who started to fight..." The blue-haired girl mumbled while remembering the scene.

Yoriko gave her friend a knowing grin. The girl really didn't seem to pay attention or care what was happening around her. "Well, you have your boyfriend. He doesn't seem like the type who'd get jealous over such things, but no doubt he'd want to see you wearing that."

Touka didn't answer immediately. She was thinking about how Yoriko was probably remembering the old docile Kaneki and that he actually did see her in her bikini. Not that she would say anything.

"So, how's he doing?"

"Hah?" Touka snapped out of her thoughts and eyed her friend.

"Your boyfriend, how is he doing?"

"We're not really like that... and he's been very busy, so I haven't seen him for a while."

"That's no good, Touka-chan. You should be well aware of his well being! What if he's soo busy with studying, that he completely forgets to eat properly! Good nutrition is very important for a person, especially when they're still growing!"

The ukaku ghoul stayed silent. Honestly, his diet was the last thing she was worried about since he looked completely healthy last time and a ghoul's diet was very simple. They couldn't consume anything else anyway.

"Ah, how about you try to make something for him!"

Touka blinked. Her, cooking human food for Kaneki? That sounded more than absurd. "Uhh..."

"Don't worry, I'll teach you anything you need I know. No need to panic, you're not a bad cook. The bento you made for me last time was good.

 _'Only because the idiot helped me.'_ The girl thought. "No, I think he'll be fine, there's no need for me to distract him from his studies."

"You're his girlfriend! It's your job to take care of him!"

"..." Why was she even trying? It was obvious Yoriko wouldn't listen. But still, the idea of having to endure the terrible smell of human food again...

Touka cringed and braced herself. She knew she'd be going through hell the following days. 

* * *

Not only the streets but also the restaurants and coffee shops became livelier due to the warmer days and Anteiku was no exception.

"Nishiki, look, this movie has earned a lot of awards and good reviews! We should definitely watch it!"

The bikaku ghoul looked at his girlfriend. Her eyes were completely filled with enthusiasm, pleading him to watch it with her.

"What's it about?"

"Ah, well, it's about a boy who suddenly wakes up one day and finds himself in the future. He has to look for a way back and find out what happened between his time and the future to prevent the disaster from happening. He receives help from some of the citizens after saving the daughter of a wealthy merchant who decides to travel with him."

"Sounds like a typical shitty romance movie." The man snorted.

"It received a lot of good reviews! You can't judge a book by its cover!"

"Fine, fine, we can watch it his weekend. But I demand a reward." He smirked as he went to the storage room, only to bump into a blue-haired teen.

"Ugh, shitty Touka, watch where you're going!"

"How about you try to do that first before indulging yourself in your perverted dreams, shitty Nishiki! Ugh..."

Touka's face turned green as she quickly ran toward the toilet. The male ghoul stared confused at the girl's sudden reaction.

When Touka finally got out of the toilet, she found her foul-mouthed colleague leaning against the wall. "Are you sick or something?"

The ukaku sighed. She had no intention of sharing her private life with Mr. sarcastic big mouth. "None of your business."

"Hmmm," a grin formed on his face. "Could it be that our idiotic Touka fooled around or something."

"If there's someone who's going to make a mistake by fooling around, it's going to be you, horny four-eyes." The girl taunted back. "Besides, I'm not even seeing anyone."

Nishiki glared at the blue-haired girl's remark. But before he could retort Touka's amused face turned green again and she returned towards the bathroom, after a few more minutes she opened the door again. Yoriko was going to be the death of her. "Ugh, why did I had to say yes to her offer."

"Hah? Offer?"

Crap she forgot the horseshit was still there. His angry mood had quickly changed into an amused one. "Don't tell you, are you stupid enough to still accept the cooking of that human friend of yours?!"

"Shut up shitty Nishiki!" Touka growled.

The bikaku ghoul wasn't listening. He was on the ground, clutching his stomach with laughter. "I knew you were an idiot, but not that big of an idiot. Seriously, what does he see in you?! Hahahaha!"

"You want me to break your glasses and shove them up your ass?!" She threatened.

Nishiki continued his laughing fit. Everyone from Anteiku arrived to see what the deal was, even Kimi.

"They're at it again..." Irimi sighed.

"I wonder how long it will take for Touka-chan to snap," Enji muttered.

Roma cringed. "Eh, shouldn't we stop them?"

The group turned again when they heard Nishiki yelling in pain. "The fuck you doing bitch?!"

"You asked for it, you shit! Do you want some more?! Ugh..." The ukaku ghoul clutched her stomach and covered her mouth.

"That's enough for now." Yoshimura stepped in. "Touka-chan go take the rest of the day off until you recover, Nishiki-kun, since your shift is about to end I'll allow you to leave a bit early.

Touka's only response was a nod, as she felt another nausea attack and ran back to the toilet.

Enji scratched his chin as he looked at the retreating ghoul. "I wonder, how long will she be able to endure all that?"

Kimi went to her boyfriend's side and helped him up. "Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" She asked sternly. "You shouldn't tease high school girls. Can't you see how sick she is?"

Nishiki only groaned in pain. Hopefully for him, he had learnt his lesson. 

* * *

The sun shined brightly through the streets of the 20th ward, it gave a feeling of warmth and peace. Touka tried her best to keep from stumbling while she was slowly returning to her apartment. She really should try to put an end to this torturous habit of hers and tell Yoriko not to concern herself so much with her. There was only so much taunting from Nishiki that she could take. The girl sighed as she reached for her house key that was resting in her pockets. She felt a relief coming up when her stomach had finally calmed down until she was almost tackled to the ground.

"Onee-chan!"

"Hina... mi..."

"I missed you so much!" The younger ghoul commented as she buried her face in the ukaku ghoul's chest.

"Why... How are you here?"

"Onii-chan allowed me to tag along!"

'Tag... Along...?"

Touka raised her head, to find the half ghoul standing a few meters away, smiling at the sight. "Hello, Touka-chan."

Touka was about to open her mouth until she felt her stomach twisting for the hundredth time. Crap! I cheered too soon!'

Hinami cooked her head in confusion as she noticed Touka's body tense up. "Onee-chan?"

Before the two ghouls could react Touka quickly ran towards her apartment, straight into the bathroom. "Worst day ever." 

* * *

After what seemed like hours of emptying her stomach, the seventeen-year-old finally sat in her living room, across from her two guests. They both stared at her with concerned expressions, Kaneki's expression looked more stern and questioning than Hinami's. The blue-haired ghoul just wanted to hide somewhere. She had to swallow ten cups of coffee just to calm her stomach down.

"So..." The girl started awkwardly. "How have you two been?" She asked.

They stayed silent, which made the girl more nervous until Kaneki finally broke it. "You're still eating Yoriko-chan's cooking?"

Touka gulped. It wasn't the complete reason, but the truth sounded so embarrassing. She glanced at Hinani who gave her the same look she always gave her, whenever she came home from classes after eating her friend's lunch.

She should better spit everything out, since keeping it a secret wouldn't do her any good. "... Actually, it's my own cooking..."

"What?" Hinani asked. Obviously not understanding what her sister figure meant.

"Yoriko had offered me to help me with my cooking..."

"Why?" Kaneki asked he was caught off guard since he didn't expect that kind of explanation.

"Because, she thinks I'm not taking good care of you..." Touka admitted.

The man blinked. "Not taking good care of me?"

"It's a long story." The girl huffed. "Geez, she just sees one thing without any explanation and she jumps immediately to conclusions." The blue-haired girl muttered.

Hinami glanced at Kaneki. "Onii-chan, do you think it has something to do with the day you visited me and onee-chan to help with my room?"

The half-ghoul shrugged. He hadn't paid much attention that day.

"Anyway," Touka continued. "That's why I have been stuck with eating human food. Don't worry Kaneki, I'll ask shitty Nishiki's girlfriend to eat it. No need to go trough all this troublesome shit."

"It's fine," Kaneki answered out of the blue, puzzling the two female ghouls.

Hinami and Touka blinked at the same time. "Hah?"

"If it's Touka-chan, I'm willing to eat it."

"Are you fucking insane?! Last time you couldn't even hold a sandwich inside! You practically fainted when you ate the food Yoriko had given me and you were throwing up for days afterwards!"

He still didn't regret it and would gladly do it again for her. "That had to be done."

"Are you sure, onii-chan?"

Kaneki nodded.

The ukaku ghoul stared at him wide-eyed, before she got up, walked over to the man and pulled his cheeks as hard as she could. "Stupid, why do you want to go through all that trouble."

"I don't want your hard work to go to waste." He replied.

The teen's cheeks turned slightly pink. She had the urge to close their distance, but she refrained from doing so, due to Hinami's presence. Thus, she flicked his forehead and kissed it instead. "Fine, but don't complain when you're stuck in the bathroom for three hours."

The white-haired man smiled. "I won't."

"So," Her attention shifted to Hinami. "How have you been?"

"Good," Hinami replied. "Onii-chan has taught me a lot!"

"You haven't been bored?"

"Not really, I get to watch movies when I'm alone. Also, I got this big panda doll!"

"What do you need with such a big thing?" Touka asked. Not really sure why someone Hinami's age would need a big panda doll for.

"To keep me company! This one day we were watching this horror movie and Banjou nii-san wouldn't let go of my doll. It was very funny."

Touka held back a laugh. "I'm not surprised, figured he's a softy since the first time I saw him."

"And this one time we found him sleeping on the couch, so Ichimi nii-san, Sante nii-san and Jiro nii-san, drew on his face. They gave him eyelashes, lipstick, and a flower!"

Kaneki glanced with content at the two girls. It's been a long time since Touka and Hinami saw each other and seeing them enjoying each other's company like in the past gave him a heart-warming feeling. It was as if his family was reunited. Touka was smiling, really smiling, he had noticed, since the day he came back to her, her expression, her reactions, everything, she seemed happier with every passing day. Her sarcastic remarks were still present of course, but they came with care and love. Hinami really needed a mother or sister figure in her life, someone who she could share her thoughts and secrets with. The ones she couldn't share with him or the others. Someone who could teach her the things a mother and sister would and could give her the love he knew he couldn't.

"Onii-chan!"

The half-ghoul snapped out of his thoughts after hearing the girl. "Yes?"

"Onee-chan wants to bring me to the aquarium! Do you want to come?"

Kaneki glanced at Touka, who seemed to be waiting for his reply expectantly. "Have you recovered already?" He asked in concern.

"I've had worse." The girl answered. "At least, I don't feel like throwing up... for now."

The man frowned at her response but decided not to push it any further. Touka was stubborn and it was almost impossible to talk her out of anything when she had made her decision. "I'll join, but the moment Touka-chan runs to the toilet we'll go back to the apartment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got the idea while my mom and I were grocery shopping on a Saturday. Yes, I get inspired a lot by food, don't blame me, food is heaven, food is life! (Next to Tokyo Ghoul, Video games etc.) Anyway, I was tasting some samples and well I couldn't help but focus on all the different flavours I was tasting, then I thought about Yoriko and how much she wants to be a chef and thus, the start of this chapter has started, it took quite the turn, and again Touka became a victim of Yoriko's love for food and her fangirling over Touka and Kaneki. XD Also I wanted to show the Anteiku folks again and Hinami! Practically it's a summary of how Touka's current life is about. Friends, work and Kaneki! The title of this chapter also suggest it, it's as if those old happy days are back, except for Kaneki visiting secretly. Also, Nishiki is suggesting that he already knew that Kaneki had feelings for Touka. The two spent a lot of time together before his kidnapping, Nishiki figured it out by observing them.


	14. Remembrance

Touka had this strange feeling inside her, which she couldn't describe. Was it happiness? Awkwardness? Was she uncomfortable? Nervous? Peaceful? Was she getting nauseous again? Or something else? The teen wasn't sure, but she did know that it had something to do with this rare sight.

"Onee-chan look what a pretty fish!" Hinami pointed at the water tank in front of them.

The three of them had gone to the aquarium. Kaneki had to put his wig on again, so he wouldn't attract much attention, especially if there was a chance to bump into familiar persons.

The aquarium wasn't as crowded as Touka had expected. But that made it even better for her. The blue-haired girl walked over to the tank Hinami pointed at, glanced at the funny-looking fish with the exotic colours.

"That one is known as the Amphiprioninae or clown fish," Kaneki explained.

"Why a clown fish?" The ukaku ghoul asked. Giving the fish another glance.

"It's probably because of the bright colours they come in; orange, yellow, red or black."

"It swims funny" Hinami commented as she continued to watch the fish with enthusiasm.

"Don't tell me you've read a book about fishes." The high school girl mumbled.

The half-ghoul shook his head. "It's in the booklet and on the sign." He pointed out.

Touka's cheeks became slightly rosy from embarrassment. "I see."

"Touka-chan, if you're not feeling well again, you should tell us."

"I know, I know. Stop fussing about it, I told you I'm fine already." The girl protested as she turned away from the man.

"Look, there is a seahorse!" The young ghoul exclaimed joyfully.

The older ghouls glanced at another, smaller tank. Various seahorses swam around or clung to some sea grass or coral reef.

"Let's see what they say about those," Touka mumbled as she scanned through the sign. "Hmm, this is interesting. Males give birth to their offspring." A smirk formed on her lips as she tried to hold in a snicker. "We can learn something from those fishes."

Kaneki didn't react, for he was staring at the coral reef. Touka wondered if his mind was on something again. Something unpleasant, but she threw that thought quickly out of the window when he turned to face her with an uneasy smile. "Maybe..."

Touka knew that she wouldn't be able to see Kaneki's awkward expression anymore or the face he made when he was embarrassed or at least rarely, but she couldn't help but miss that openness of him. Even teasing him, wasn't the same anymore. "Let's look for the bigger fishes."

On the bright side, he seemed relaxed. Visiting the aquarium was like entering a different world. The ukaku ghoul had never bothered to visit the aquarium before and she didn't know why. The marine world was so different, it was as if she could wash away her worries, fears, sorrows and enjoy the rich and colourful view the tanks and fishes would give her. She was sure that Kaneki and Hinami felt the same.

The female ghoul snapped out of her thoughts when she felt a hand grabbing her. She blinked and saw Kaneki smiling at her gently. Eyes telling her that she was getting behind. The girl blushed and nodded a thank you as they went in the direction Hinami had gone through.

The following tank was a lot bigger and had a bigger variety of fish species including bigger ones.

"These are so pretty," Hinami exclaimed as she stared from one fish to another, admiring the various shapes and sizes. "Look at that flat one! It looks like a paper."

"It's unusual shape makes it easier to hide in narrow areas. It makes it harder to get caught and eaten by bigger fishes or whales. They mostly hide between rocks." Kaneki explained. "There are also fishes who hide using camouflage, like rays."

Hinami focused her attention on the tank floor and rocks, hoping to spot something. "Those look like eyes, don't they."

The white-haired man got closer to the tank, checked it carefully. As on queue, a manta ray moved from its spot ad swam away, as if it felt a dangerous predator was approaching.

"Ah, it swam away!"

"Animals have better senses than humans, even though we don't hunt them, they are still aware of the danger ghouls posses."

"But it didn't swim away when I approached it."

"That's because Hinami-chan is still young."

The ghoul nodded. She understood the true meaning behind the words. Hinami had never killed or experienced traumatic moments, Kaneki did. "Onee-chan, what do you think of that fish?"

Touka didn't answer. She wasn't even paying attention at all. For the last couple of minutes, she girl had engaged herself in a staring competition with a big-eyed fish. Her frowning expression was slowly turning into a glare. "Shitty fish, what the hell do you want?! Stop staring at me like that!" The fish kept his gaze on the female ghoul, floating carefree on the same spot. It's mouth was making repeating movements that made bubbles in the water as if it was trying to say something.

"I think it has taken a liking to you onee-chan."

Touka glanced at the younger ghoul, then back to the fish with a frown. "Hah?"

Hinami giggled. "Onii-chan has competition."

Kaneki scratched his back awkwardly. He decided to play along with the girl. "Is that so? Well, I won't go easy, even for a fish."

Touka sighed. "Let's just go to a different room." She grabbed her two companions and pulled them along, hiding the rosy blush of embarrassment under her hair after staring one more time at the annoying freaky fish, which still hasn't moved from its spot. _'Stupid animal'_

* * *

After some hours of walking and admiring the various fishes, the three ghouls sat down to enjoy some coffee.

"I didn't know there were so many different kinds of fishes, even funny ones," Hinami commented as she took a sip from her beverage.

Touka smirked. "The last one looked a lot like shitty Nishiki. Maybe it's a lost relative." The face the bikaku ghoul would give her if she showed the picture. She could imagine it would be something priceless.

"Onee-chan, how are things at school?"

"Uhm, fine, I guess." The ukaku ghoul answered. She put down her cup. "The new school year arrived about two weeks ago and I've started to prepare for the entrance exams."

"For what university are you applying?"

Touka's cheeks became a slightly pink and shot a glance at Kaneki, who locked eyes with her. He gave her a gentle, reassuring smile. It made her only more embarrassed. "... Ka... mii..."

"Kamii?" Hinami repeated.

The female ghoul nodded shyly. "I want to study biology."

"Kamii is a good choice," Kaneki stated. "But you'll need to study hard."

Another nod from the girl.

"If you need help with your literature."

"I can ask you." Touka finished.

The white-haired man nodded. He got up and walked over to his lover and pressed his lips gently on her forehead. "I know you can do it."

Hinami blushed slightly as she covered her eyes for privacy. Touka smiled and answered back with a kiss on his lips. "Sure." She said in a soft tone.

While having her eyes closed, Hinami smiled at Kaneki and Touka's closeness. Happy that her elder sibling figures finally expressed their feelings for each other.

"Let's go look for the sharks," Touka commented as she stood up. She took her bag while Hinami and Kaneki waited patiently for the girl to throw away the napkins they used. The blue-haired ghoul turned around, ready to join her two companions until her eyes caught something and she froze up immediately.

Kaneki felt the sudden tension behind him and turned to face the ghoul. "Touka-chan, what's wrong?"

The ukaku ghoul didn't react, it was more as if she couldn't hear anything. Her legs started to shake and her eyes were wide in horror, her heartbeat was so fast. She was trembling madly. "... Sa... to... obaa-san..."

Hinami turned towards the direction Touka was staring. A chubby woman probably older than 60, accompanied by a younger male, who Hinami assumed to be the woman's relative. The young ghoul glanced at the ringaku ghoul, who gave her a worried glance. "Touka-chan?"

The teen still didn't answer. She was pulling on his shirt unconsciously, trying to fight the resurfacing memories that had scarred her for the rest of her life. She felt her stomach twist and ran away as quickly as possible.

"Ah, onee-chan!" Hinami yelled. The 13-year old quickly ran after the high school girl.

The commotion had attracted the attention of almost all the visitors in the room, even the woman, who Touka had avoided.

"That girl..." Her eyes automatically rested on Kaneki, who at that moment made eye contact. Satou froze. The look he gave her was cold and terrifying, it made her shiver, like a prey trapped by the predator. The half-ghoul turned away and went after the two ghouls, without saying a word.

"Mother, are you alright?"

The old lady snapped out of her trance. "I- think we should get something to eat."

Her son nodded and they left towards the restaurant, but Satou was still shaken. Something in the back of her mind tried to tell her something. She was sure that she wouldn't be able to get today's events out of her mind so easily. 

* * *

The moment Touka entered the ladies room, she threw herself into the toilet. Gagging noises hit her ears as she ejected the coffee coloured bile out of her mouth. That horrid feeling refused to go and she could feel the sour taste of her stomach's contains, mixed with the salt of her tears. She would have never believed that she would feel that fear and misery again.

"Onee-chan?" Hinami's voice called from the other side of the door. "What happened? Did your stomach become upset again?"

The ukaku ghoul gritted her teeth and she continued to sob silently. Her stomach had almost nothing left. If only, it was just her stomach getting irritated again. After a while, her stomach finally calmed down, but her body was still trembling. She sank to the floor and sat there, legs wrapped in her arms so she could rest her head there and allowed her tears to fall down.

'No matter how much you run, no matter how much you try to live a normal life. The past will always catch up with you some day.'

"Onee-chan..." The brunette stared sadly at the locked toilet door. She wondered what happened that made Touka so upset. The girl heard footsteps, which came accompanied with a familiar scent. She didn't move and kept her gaze on the door, even after Kaneko put his hand on her shoulder.

"Let's give her some time."

Hinami nodded.

After a few minutes the door opened. Touka stepped out of the toilet, her expression was pained and her eyes were slightly red. She glanced at Kaneki who waited patiently for her to break the silence.

"I want to go home." 

* * *

Touka closed the door of her apartment, the moment they had returned. She didn't say, nor made any eye contact with Kaneki and Hinami when she headed towards her room and closed the door.

"I wonder," Hinami stated. "What was Touka onee-chan's past like."

The half-ghoul stared at the girl, remembering the expression Touka had when she saw the human woman. "Hinami-chan..."

The girl glanced up.

"I think I'm going to stay here for a while until Touka-chan calms down." He exclaimed．

Hinami nodded.

"If you want, you can also stay, but if you want to go back..."

The young teen shook her head. "I want to stay with onii-chan and help onee-chan out. Onee-chan, probably felt lonely all the time, not being able to confide her problems with someone or something else, that bothers her. She must have felt very lonely. I don't want her to be sad."

A smile crept on the white-haired man's face. "Well then, how about you'll start by making her some coffee."

Hinami beamed and quickly ran into the kitchen. Kaneki watched her until he let out a sigh and returned his attention to the door of Touka's bedroom. The small smile turned into a sad one. "Touka-chan."

He opened the door slowly, the room was dark, but the half-ghoul had no problem with finding his way. Touka was laying on her bed, curled up in a ball with her back to the door. When Kaneki was close enough, he noticed that the girl wasn't asleep, but instead, she was staring at something she was holding close to her chest. The man sat down on the edge of the bed.

"The night my mother died, my father was there with her." The ukaku ghoul started. "He never told us the details and I don't want to know either. But what I do know was how guilty and sad dad looked when he came home. It was very late, but Ayato and I couldn't sleep. The first thing he did was embrace us and he apologized repeatedly. I was still very small, so I don't remember much, but my father promised us he would be there for us and never leave us alone. See how great that worked out." Touka mumbled. "I'm not sure, but probably after that incident, the doves narrowed down the possible locations of my father's whereabouts."

Kaneki's eyes flickered in realisation. He opened his mouth to say something, but instead he closed them again. "... I had no idea."

The girl finally sat up and eyed Kaneki. Her eyes seemed lifeless and red from crying. She opened her hands to show one single golden ring, a wedding ring to be exact.

The white-haired male grabbed it carefully and inspected it. He noticed there were carvings on the inside. "Arata, Hikari." He read out loud. "Those are your parents' names?"

Touka nodded somberly. "My parents were hunted down by the CCG. Sometimes I wonder how it is possible for me to be still breathing here. My father was wanted by the CCG because he was dangerous."

That surprised the half-ghoul. "Dangerous?"

Touka turned her gaze to the window. "I came to understand it when I was older..." After a few more seconds her gaze rested on her lover again. "Have you heard of the term kakuja?"

Kaneki's eyes widened. "Your father was a kakuja?"

The girl nodded. "I've never seen it myself, but I overheard a few days after his disappearance some doves talking." She gritted her teeth as her expression turned into a fierce one. "They were searching for me and Ayato as well, but the only reason those fucking doves couldn't find much information about us is because both Ayato and I take after our mother."

She looked at Kaneki again. He stared at her, waiting patiently for her to continue her story.

The girl let out a sigh as she activated her kakugan and manifested her kagune. "My father was a koukaku type, my mother a ukaku. The CCG probably wasn't aware of my mother's relation with my father. I still wonder if they are out there, looking for the corpse collector's children." She retracted her kagune and her eyes turned to normal. "That's why I know Hinami wouldn't be discovered so quickly. They don't have anything to her."

The girl rested her head on her knees and closed her eyes. "The woman at the aquarium used to be one of my previous neighbours when I lived in the 19th ward with my father and brother. She was very kind to Ayato, my father and me until the doves informed the neighbourhood after my father disappeared. She tried to capture us and turn us in, to the doves. If I didn't call out my kagune, who knows what would have happened to my brother and me."

"I probably wouldn't have met you," Kaneki mumbled.

"Yeah..."

The ringaku ghoul embraced his lover and patted her back gently. "Don't worry about the past. What's done is done, you can't change that what has happened. Besides, I'm glad you could escape that day." He murmured. "I wouldn't know how I would be able to live without you after all that happened."

The blue-haired teen rested her head on his shoulder. "... It still hurts... If I could, I'd prefer to forget it completely..." She replied sadly. "At that time, I was so scared that she would see me and recognise me."

"Don't worry, she didn't and if she did, I would protect you."

They stayed like that for a long time. In the quiet room, wrapped in each other's arms. Only when Touka noticed the darkness outside her window, did she realise that she had fallen asleep. Kaneki hadn't moved an inch, his arms wrapped around her slim waist while he was stroking her hair gently.

"Are you ready to get up?"

The ghoul only nodded. When she opened the door, she noticed a stray with two cups on the floor with coffee; it was cold. Touka sighed, Hinami probably wanted to give them some privacy, she will thank the girl later. She took the mugs and gave one to Kaneki while taking a sip of the other one. When she walked into the living room they found Hinami asleep on the couch and the television on.

"I'll get her to change," Touka mumbled as she picked up the sleeping girl and left the room, leaving the half-ghoul alone with his thoughts.

He would have never imagined, that Touka and Ayato had that kind of past. Despite their parents strength, the two still became orphaned at such a young age. He and Touka had more in common with each other than he thought. The white-haired male took a sip from his coffee and leaned against the counter of the kitchen. "The life of a ghoul is filled with hardships, loss and loneliness... Even the strong lose their important ones..." The man finally understood Ayato's hate for his father and his anger for Touka's mindset. It was fear and sadness. Just because you're strong doesn't mean that the chance to lose someone isn't there, it's just smaller until the CCG decides that you're dangerous enough to be taken down. He felt sorry for the boy, but he knew that Touka would be safe with Anteiku. As long as she didn't bring any attention to herself. Touka clearly was still scared that she would be discovered and if her past were to come back it would be all over for her. 'I'd be quite busy after this.'

The ringaku ghoul took a final sip from his now empty mug at the same time Touka entered the room. She has changed out of her regular clothes and was now wearing her PJs; a tank top and shorts. She took Kaneki's cup and washed it along with her empty cups. "I placed some clothes, you can use for the night. Hinami is sleeping in my bed, so you can use the empty room." She commented.

The half-ghoul gave her a worried look. "Are you going to be alright?"

Touka was quiet, she glanced at her hands, that were resting in the sink, trying to focus on the sound of the running water. Her hands were trembling. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply to calm down her still-racing heart. "... I... Think so. At least, I'm feeling better compared to how I felt in the afternoon."

Kaneki walked over to the teenager and covered her trembling hands with his while turning off the water with his free one. "I'll keep you company tonight. I'm sure Hinami-chan won't mind." He stated.

The ukaku ghoul nodded slowly, trying to gather her thoughts, she wasn't able to do it very well since she got back to her apartment. So when Kaneki pulled her gently, she just followed, she didn't mind, as long as she wasn't alone tonight. 

* * *

The moonlight shone through the small hole between the curtains of the high school girl's bedroom, but none of the occupants took any notice of its beautiful appearance. Touka lay curled up, holding the sleeping Hinami close. She younger ghoul breathed peacefully as she snuggled against her older sister figure who was also fast asleep between the young girl and her lover. Kaneki gazed at the sleeping girls, seeing Hinami sleeping peacefully with a smile on her face made him feel contented. Touka, on the other hand, was less peaceful as she was mumbling in her sleep accompanied with tears rolling down her cheeks. At least, she didn't seem as troubled as before. He caressed her arm softly, hoping that she would calm down more.

ghoul breathed peacefully as she snuggled against her older sister figure who was also fast asleep between the young girl and her lover. Kaneki gazed at the sleeping girls, seeing Hinami sleeping peacefully with a smile on her face made him feel contented. Touka, on the other hand, was less peaceful as she was mumbling in her sleep accompanied with tears rolling down her cheeks. At least, she didn't seem as troubled as before. He caressed her arm softly, hoping that she would calm down more.

"Father... Mother... I'm sorry... I failed you... I couldn't keep my promise... Ayato..." The female ghoul mumbled.

Kaneki felt powerless. The only thing the white-haired man could do was stare and hope that she would feel better the next day. He wrapped his arms around the two ghouls and pulled them closer to him. "I will protect you. So please don't cry anymore."

"Don't leave me again..."

The half-ghoul was silent, he wondered if she had woken up, but from her breathing, he could hear that she was still sleeping.

"Kaneki... I love you..."

The man froze, for a second he felt his heart stop along with his thoughts before it started to beat frantically. Did he hear her correctly? Was he imagining it, no, maybe before he was turned into a ghoul he could reason that way, but now with his sharpened senses...

Touka turned her head, her face looked more content and peaceful than minutes ago, but it still held

A slight expression of fear. The bangs that normally covered her eye rested gently on the pillow. Her lips were parted slightly as the girl continued to breath out evenly in a slight frantic way.

The half ghoul gritted his teeth. After a while, he leaned in and pressed his lips on her uncovered eye. "You're the most important person to me in my whole life." He admitted. "I wouldn't know how I would be able to live without you..." He grabbed a small piece of her bangs, admiring the softness of it and the beautiful unusual colour. Kissing the tips softly before leaning into her face.

"Touka-chan, I also love you."

\- A past, one we so desperately try to forget, is mostly the hardest to remove from our memory. It mostly lies dormant, until a certain event triggers it again. No matter how hard we try to run from it; it'll catch up to us sooner or later. And if we don't deal with it, sooner or later, it'll devour us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted a continuation of the previous chapter so I had to dig into my memories when I visited aquariums. I was still a little girl, so I don't remember much, but what I do remember, is that it's like visiting another world. The water world is actually another world. You don't think about your worries, or what you will have to do tomorrow, or any financial or other problem, you just gaze and become amazed at how beautiful and peaceful those fishes are/ live. Kinda something all three of them need, enjoy the moment and forget about all the shit they have to deal with. Course it's Tokyo Ghoul so nothing stays peaceful forever! I thought how about we explore more about Touka's past, we know what happened, so why not use that? It's also the reason for this chapter's title. Also, a perfect key to let Touka and Kaneki grow closer. So Touka finally spilled the beans of her past and they both finally confessed with words! Sure Touka was asleep and Kaneki admitted to a sleeping Touka, but hell who cares?! I don't, now how long will it take before Kaneki comes clean? Anyway, the next chapter will also be a follow-up to this one, like a mini-arc or something.


	15. Resolve

Kaneki woke up due to the continuing chirping of the birds and the sun rays, which shined on his face. The man let out a groan, obviously being very reluctant to wake up. That was until Touka's scent finally reached his brain, did he remember that he stayed at her place. The half-ghoul opened his eyes and sat up, only to find Hinami still sleeping peacefully, the ukaku ghoul, on the other hand, wasn't in the room.

Kaneki rubbed the sleep from his eyes and took a better look at her room. It wasn't the first time he had seen it, but he never took the time to examine it carefully. There was nothing special about Touka's room, just a regular high school girl's bedroom. Aside from the lack of wrappers and mess. Books and papers lay on her desk, no posters or anything, instead, there were some bunny dolls sitting on the sides. A bunny themed alarm clock, bunny themed pencil-case, he could go on. Quietly the white-haired man got out of bed, making sure the brunette didn't wake up and tiptoed to the door. He exited the room silently and found Touka sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, her attention completely locked on the television as she zapped through the channels. The half-ghoul wondered for how long had she been awake.

Kaneki stayed still on his spot, not moving one muscle, his gaze glued on the girl. After a few moments of silence, the girl still hadn't moved an inch, so the half-ghoul decided to approach her instead. He soon found out that the ukaku ghoul was drifting between unconscious and awake. The moment she felt the man's presence, she looked up. "Good morning..." She mumbled groggily.

Kaneki stayed quiet, eyes fixated on the girl and his mind back to last night, to the girl's confession. Despite her mind registering slowly, she frowned at his quiet behaviour, quieter than what she expected of him, but before she could open her mouth to say something, he closed the distance and pressed his lips gently against hers. "You're beautiful." He murmured softly after they broke apart.

Touka was speechless, wondering where the sudden compliment and behaviour came from. Maybe he wasn't awake himself either. "Hh, thanks... Did you sleep well?"

Kaneki nodded. "What about you? I didn't expect you to be up already."

The ukaku ghoul stayed silent. Her face turned towards the television slightly. "... I wasn't feeling very sleepy..."

"Are you still troubled because of yesterday?"

Touka was silent and pointed towards the TV, telling the 19-year old to listen.

'A mass murderer has been committed in the 19th ward. A mountain of bodies has been found in one of the abandoned buildings. It is believed to be the work of ghouls. The CCG is unsure if it was a single ghoul or a group. The inhabitants are living in fear and it there are rumors about a possible evacuation. Furthermore...'

The two ghouls said nothing and continued to stare blankly at the screen.

"That happened near my old residence." The female finally spoke up.

Kaneki looked at his lover, speechless upon hearing the news. "Do you think?"

"Ayato isn't that reckless. He hates humans, but he prefers killing doves instead of a bunch of citizens and his appetite isn't that big."

The half-ghoul agreed with that, also despite the boy's denials, he cared for his sister and wouldn't want to do anything to bring her in any danger. "Do you think, that they would restart the search for you and your brother?"

Touka held up her shoulders. "Where would they start? They have nothing on us: no face, they can't trace us trough our father's kagune. We left the ward years ago. We're ghosts of the past. They could try and track us through our last names, but there are many citizens who share the same last names and we have no hospital or other records whatsoever."

Despite the facts, Kaneki noticed her trembling. The chances were small, but it was still the fear of every ghoul; to be found out and caught. Especially for the ghouls who walked on such a thigh rope like Touka.

The ringaku ghoul grabbed the girl's hands. "Don't worry. I'll be there to protect you. So relax, you're not in any danger."

Touka rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "I... Had hoped... That I could bury the past and leave it behind me..."

The half-ghoul held her in his embrace. A few minutes later Hinami appeared, yawning and still half-asleep. "Good morning onii-chan, onee-chan."

The girl looked at Kaneki, who held his finger in front of his mouth, as to tell the girl to be quiet.

Hinami headed towards the couch and sat next to the two, inspecting her sister figure. "Onee-chan is asleep?"

Touka had finally given in to her exhaustion and had fallen asleep in Kaneki's arms. Her lips were parted slightly, chest moving up and down in rhythm with her heart beats.

"Touka-chan wasn't able to sleep well. So, let's allow her to rest a bit longer."

Hinami nodded as she followed the man back to Touka's bedroom, where he placed the blue-haired teen gently on her bed and tucked her in.

"Onii-chan, what was that incident about?"

Of course, Hinami was able to overhear the television with her sharp hearing.

"Probably a group of ghouls creating havoc in one of the neighboring wards."

The man was quiet after that, pondering if he should do what he was planning to do. After a while, he let out a sigh and grabbed his pants. He took out a cell phone from his pockets and immediately dialed a number.

"Tsukiyama-san, could you please meet me at the northern bridge of the 20th ward? I need you to do me a favour." He quickly hung up, not allowing the Gourmet to speak or ask any questions and placed the phone back in his pocket. "Hinami-chan, could you please tell Touka that I went out to get something. I'll be back later."

The brunette nodded slowly, not sure what the man was planning.

The half-ghoul shot one more glance at his sleeping lover. A small warm smile crept on his face. He leant closer and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be back soon." He whispered in her ear, before heading towards the shower to get dressed.

* * *

"I was quite surprised when you suddenly called, Kaneki-kun. What is the reason that you wanted to meet in the 20th ward of all places?"

Kaneki ignored the Gourmet's question. He was leaning over the railing of the bridge, observing the people. "I want you to look into something for me?"

"Something else has been occupying your mind? Hori is almost done with collecting the information about Madam A and all the ghoul restaurants she visits."

"It's about the rumour of the 19th ward. I want to know who's responsible for the killings."

Tsukiyama frowned. "The 19th ward? Why the sudden interest?"

The half-ghoul gave the man a glare, daring him to probe any further. The gourmet immediately got the message. "If Kaneki-kun wishes for it. Then, I'll do what I can."

"Thank you." The white-haired man responded and took his leave until the gourmet called out to him.

"Kaneki-kun..."

The man looked up. "Yes."

"I don't know how to put it, but you seem happier lately and I you keep making a lot of long trips. Did something happen?"

"Not really, I just spent my time clearing my head more often."

Kaneki continued walking, while Tsukiyama stayed in his spot, contemplating about the half-ghoul's words and behaviour. "Like always, it's so hard to know what you're thinking, Kaneki-kun, but that's one of the reasons that makes you such an extravagant dish." He licked his lips. "Ahh, the wait is going to make this all worth it!"

* * *

 Meanwhile, Touka had woken up from her slumber. She was slightly confused to why she was in her bed until she came to the conclusion that Kaneki had probably carried her back. But when she noticed that the said man was nowhere in sight, she panicked.

"Good morning onee-chan! Did you sleep well?" Hinami's head popped out of the door.

"Hinami?" The ukaku ghoul breathed.

"Onii-chan said that he'd be back soon, so I'm trying to prepare some coffee for us.

"I see..."

"You can take a shower if you want. I'm not that fast with preparing coffee anyway..." The girl admitted embarrassed.

"Sure, ah Hinami, how about we go for some quick shopping if Kaneki isn't back yet?"

The younger ghoul nodded enthusiastically and disappeared into the living room again. Touka let out a sigh. "He's probably checking up on some of his own business." She told herself and she lifted her body from the bed and dragged herself to the bathroom, trying her bed to rub the sleepy feeling from her eyes as she let out a yawn. She had to splash water on her face five times to become awake and it was very cold! She knew, that showering in hot water would have the opposite effect, so she decided to wake herself first before Hinami or worse Kaneki found her sleeping in the shower. That thought made her very embarrassed, she quickly shook it off her mind and headed over to the shower, first making sure the water was lukewarm.

Hinami, in the meantime, was sitting on the couch, waiting for the coffee to get warm. Her mind trailed off to yesterday. She was very happy that she was able to spend time with Touka and Kaneki again, like in the past, but she was very worried about her dear older sister figure. She made a face, the young ghoul would never imagine she would see on Touka; truly terrified, haunted and in pain. The girl didn't dare to ask, respecting the ukaku ghoul's privacy, but still, she was curious how Touka's childhood had been. From the stories she heard from Enji and Irimi, Touka and Ayato were picked up by Yoshimura after he found them wandering around and causing havoc in the 20th ward against humans and ghouls. The two didn't calm down much in the beginning, but Touka was slowly warming up to Yoshimura and his ideas, while Ayato strayed further away, until he one day left the 20th ward and Touka alone. Hinami felt really sad for the girl; she had to cope with the loneliness for such a long time and even now, she would have a lot of days where she would come back to an empty house.

Determent, the young ghoul decided she would do her best today for her 'sister' and make sure she'll forget about all the bad thoughts. She quickly walked back to the kitchen to pour the coffee and skipped happily back to Touka's room.

"Onee-chan, I have here your..."

The girl trailed immediately off the moment she opened the door.

"Ah... Hinami!"

The 13-year old stared at her older sister figure, who seemed to have gotten herself in a very strange, awkward but amusing situation, with only her underwear on.

"I... Eh... Was trying to dry my hair, but the cord was tangled so I was trying to fix it but..."

She ended up tangling herself in the cord.

The brown-haired girl let out a giggle, to which the other ghoul blushed in embarrassment. "This isn't funny! Hinami, help me out here, please!"

But the girl couldn't help back her laughter and ended up on the floor, making the blue-haired teen even more red from embarrassment. "Stop it! Please help! If Kaneki comes back and sees this..."

"See what?"

Both girls froze and looked at the white-haired man who had just returned to the apartment. Kaneki's expression changed from puzzled to utterly shocked and speechless. To be honest, it was the first real expression the male had shown in months, aside from his slight surprised expressions or reactions. His eyes were completely wide, mouth hanging open and his cheek turned slowly into a rosy pink. "T... Touka-chan..."

A few seconds had passed before the teen let out a loud scream and started to throw whatever she could find at the man, including sending her crystallised kagune projectiles, screaming curses like; you damn perverted shithead, you're going to die! While Kaneki in return tried to apologise repeatedly and evaded as many objects and attacks as he could.

A few moments later all three of them are gathered in the living room. Kaneki, sitting on the ground, head bowed to the ground, while his lover stood in front of him, completely dressed in a white tank top and shorts, arms crossed and fuming, as, for Hinami, she sat on the couch, having trouble with watching such an uncomfortable scene.

"Kaneki!" The ukaku ghoul stared sternly.

The man shivered, head still bowed and eyes locked on the floor. He squinted his eyes, hoping for the awkward moment to be over. He still couldn't believe what he had seen moments ago, he'd be lying if he didn't admit that he appreciated the view. Because, he actually did, Touka in nothing but her underwear somehow constricted in the hair dryer cord, exposing all her curves and the smoothness of her skin and with an expression that screamed helplessness, desperation, and embarrassment. His brain had literally stopped working at that moment. Out of all things he would never imagine to see her with. Of course, it came accompanied by her violent outbursts. The small scratches he received from the girl's outburst had healed already, thanks to his kagune-type, but his ears weren't that lucky. At least, it could have been worse. "... Yes?" He finally answered.

"You are a fucking perverted moron."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"Apologies won't get you far."

"I'll make up for it."

The high school girl frowned. "How?"

"..."

Touka's killing aura started to increase by the minute. For Hinami, it was too much to bear. "Onee-chan! How about we go out for some shopping like you promised?"

The blue-haired girl quickly turned towards her. "Ah, thanks for reminding me. Sure, we can go, but." She turned towards Kaneki again, sending a glare that would make every person shiver in fear. "This idiot will stay here and contemplate about his actions!"

It wasn't really to blame on Kaneki, but it couldn't be avoided and the man knew that she would need to blow some steam off. So he stayed silently on his spot while Touka and Hinami grabbed their coats.

"See you later onii-chan," Hinami whispered. "And I'm sorry for what happened. I'll see if I can get you something."

The white haired man nodded slowly and told her to take her time to enjoy the day. Without any more notice the door shut with a thud and Kaneki sprawled on the floor. He stared at the ceiling until a small smile spread across his face. "At least, Touka-chan is back to her old self."

* * *

For the majority of the time, Touka was quiet, fuming mostly about the embarrassing event that took place moments ago. Hinami, not wanting her sibling figure to keep the sour mood, decided to find something to distract her. "Ah, look onee-chan! They're having a sale there!"

The blue-haired girl looked up, for a second forgetting her foul mood. "Ah, I forgot that they have a cleaning sale there."

The brunette looked up. "Cleaning sales?"

"Yeah, they're going to move to some other place, not sure where. You want to take a look?"

The 13-year old nodded quickly.

"Alright, let's go then."

The two girls went into the store. Honestly, none of them needed any skin care products, since Touka wasn't that kind of girl and Hinami was too young.

The two stared at the range of product lines, not sure what to say about it.

"Body lotion with coconut extract..." The ukaku ghoul read out loud. "Why would that be necessary? Does it even work?"

Hinami eyed the jar carefully. "Well the smell is nice, I think..."

The girls sniffed the lotion carefully after Touka opened it, which resulted in a shudder for both.

"Maybe if the scent wasn't that strong." The teen mumbled. "Humans really have a bad sense of smell."

"What if we look one with a weaker scent?"

"But I don't really need it."

"Onii-chan likes fresh scents."

The ukaku ghoul just stared at the bottle and at the other products. "Maybe there is one that I can handle.

* * *

During the last 48 minutes, the two had been going from lotion jars to perfumes, cringing at every strong scent and frowning at the less appealing ones. It was surprising to them how the artificial fruit scents and other scents based on edible human products weren't affecting them like the real ones. In a way, it was a very amusing discovery. They had gotten a few odd stares, however, they were left alone since they weren't bothering anyone.

"I like this one onee-chan," Hinami exclaimed as she showed Touka a perfume bottle. The older ghoul inspected it carefully and sniffed the sample Hinami had brought along. It was a gentle scent, but not too weak and the odor of chemicals wasn't strong, unlike most of the samples she tried.

The ukaku ghoul smiled and nodded. "Let's take two of that one."

"Don't worry onee-chan, I don't need it. Banjou nii-san and the others may not like it."

Touka grunted. "Hinami, you're living in a house with all guys. You should bring some softer and gentler fragrance! Besides, if you want to blend in human society, you have to act like humans would."

The girl couldn't say anything as Touka quickly went to the checkpoint to pay for the bottles. So she just stared, wondering if having tried all those samples and just bring in the story isn't enough since ghouls have a superb sense of smell. They would definitely smell it for days to come.

When they exited the store, they continued to walk through the streets, while checking out various other stores. Hinami was pleased that Touka had calmed down. After a few hours, they finally returned to Touka's apartment. The teen inserted her keys in the lock and slowly opened the door. She spotted the young man lying on the couch, but he quickly turned around the moment the girls entered the apartment and the scent of the many samples they tried, hit his nostrils.

Kaneki squinted unconsciously. "Are you wearing perfume?"

"We were just trying some out of curiosity!" Touka defended. Her cheeks turned slightly rosy out of embarrassment.

A chuckle escaped the half-ghoul's lips. "It's fine, Hinami needs to get out once in a while and you're the only one who can teach her, but next time doesn't use too much." He got up from the couch and stopped. "But I like the jasmine scent, it's gentle."

For the rest of the day, Touka wasn't able to focus or think properly. To Hinami's amusement.

* * *

"We're back!" Hinami announced gleefully as she and Kaneki entered their residence.

Banjou looked up from the television. "Welcome back. You sure took your time."

"Onee-chan wasn't feeling very well," Hinami explained, knowing fully well that Touka would prefer to keep her problems to herself. "So, we thought it would be better to stay a bit longer until she recovered."

Banjou nodded and turned to Kaneki. "So Tsukiyama gave us some locations that we probably should check out." He said as he handed over the papers.

The white-haired man inspected them carefully and nodded. "I think I know where we should start first." He mumbled. "But for tonight, I need to check up on something."

The sturdy build ghoul blinked. "But you just got back. Did you forget something at Ayato's sister's place?"

"Let's just say that there's something bugging me." The half-ghoul answered as he left for his room.

Banjou eyed Hinami for clarification, but the girl only shrugged as they stared at the retreating man.

"Hey, Hinami. Kaneki seems to be livelier, don't you think?"

The girl took a seat on the couch and stared at the man. "Uhm, well, he smiles more and I hear him humming a lot when he's in the shower." Hinami pointed out while giggling. "I asked him once about it, but it seems like onii-chan wasn't aware of it himself."

"Humming? Kaneki?" The ghoul repeated.

The girl nodded. "It's really funny. He did it again on our way back for a short while."

Banjou glanced at the stairs, keeping quiet, but in his mind, he was pondering about Kaneki's recent change of behaviour, not needing much effort at all to come up with the answer. A small smile crept on his lips. Words aren't always needed to express ourselves.

* * *

The cold night breeze, it felt so refreshing and relaxing after the high temperature during the day. Brushing oh so slightly on Kaneki's only visible eye. In the quietness of the night, he jumped from roof to roof, hiding from eyesight. Touka's broken face was still clearly visible in his mind, the girl wouldn't show it, but he knew she was still hurt on the inside and especially after the news report. Despite being next to the 20th ward, the 19th ward felt completely different and you could see it from the moment you stepped into the ward. The sleepy, lax feeling present in the 20th ward, was lacking and the silence felt eerie and dreadful. People didn't dare to come out in the dark, afraid they'd become a victim to ghouls.

The man glanced over the buildings, trying to see what direction he had to go. "I think it's supposed to be there..."

He leaped from the rooftops and finally on the ground once he reached his destination. The neighborhood seemed quiet, almost empty. After passing a few houses he stopped at one that seemed vacant. The font seemed completely normal, but he knew that the outside always masked what the inside was hiding. The man himself was a good example of that.

"Touka-chan's past home..."

The half-ghoul stared at the house for a while, trying to imagine how the girl had lived there. Happy with her father and brother.

He looked through the window, taking in the details of the building. It was a mess, not cleaned or ordered for years. He assumed that the CCG had done a very thoroughly search. The walls looked like they had better and the furniture was all run down. It was obvious that no one dared to take a step inside. Not surprising, since it was habituated by a ghoul family. The idea was already depressing and he could imagine all too well how broken, the girl felt after watching the news.

Kaneki gave one sad glance at the house before he continued his walk towards his destination with only one thought in his mind; he had to protect those close to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation of the previous chapter. I wanted to make this a bridge between the themes of the last couple of chapters and the upcoming ones, which will be darker. As I stated in the summary before, I want to explore with as many genres as possible. So we have a little bit of fluff and romance, some humour and some more serious moments. A lot of things inspired me to write this. I also wanted Hinami and Touka to have more bonding time and what's better than doing some weird girl things together. I kinda got the idea when I was checking my own perfumes out and I was thinking about the different odours, then I wondered if ghouls could tolerate perfume with those sharp noses of them. They don't need to ingest it, so it should be fine. I had help from a friend of mine for Kaneki's part. As a woman, I can't get into their heads and guys have a different mindset than girls, while Kaneki is portrayed with a feminine personality, he is still a guy. Thus, I decided that humming would be something Kaneki could do. He doesn't seem much of a singer to me. Lol. Also, it's an important point because it would change Kaneki's future decisions, for now, he's living in the moment on,y slightly planning ahead when it comes to his goal, but his interactions and relationship with Touka will influence him a lot. The scene with the hair dryer could be seen for comical relief purpose, but also for an impact o. Kaneki's sacrificial mindset. Alright, it's mostly for humour, because I can't live without it. For now, the changes are minuscule, but even the smallest hint can be big.


	16. Sorrow

The quietness was turning into something foreign for Touka. Even in her own apartment, the company of Kaneki and Hinami had begun to feel more normal to her, than the empty rooms, she would often face during the majority of the days.

The girl had decided to spend the last few days of her vacation outside, in the fresh air, maybe it wasn't that fresh since it was raining. It wasn't the kind of gloomy rain that would make you feel sad or depressed, but more the kind of; 'annoying, I want to bathe in the sun' kind of rain, that would make the majority of the people become irritated within seconds. The teen was no exception.

She glanced at the window, then at her coat and umbrella, wondering if it was worth it. Maybe if it was summer, when her home would become a sauna she would prefer the rain, but at this moment it wasn't and she was feeling kind of lazy.

"I should go to Anteiku..." The girl muttered.

She grabbed her coat and umbrella with obvious disgust, she headed out into the dreadful weather.

The girl let out a sigh as she entered the coffee shop, the warm, dry air felt like a relief to her body. Yup, she definitely hated the rain during almost every season. "Hello." She mumbled.

To her surprise only Nishiki and Roma were present. "Ah, Touka-san! I thought you had to work later." Roma exclaimed surprised.

"I had nothing better to do, so I decided to get a drink. Where are the others?"

"Enji-san has a day off, Irimi-san is running an errand and the old man... I think he went to visit Yomo-san for something." Nishiki answered the teen's question.

The ukaku girl said nothing and glanced around the place. It wasn't crowded, but you couldn't call it peaceful either and with only Roma and Nishiki staying watch. Something felt odd. "I'm surprised, shitty Nishiki is so quiet."

Roma and Nishiki glanced at each other. The girl looked unsure and Nishiki seemed annoyed and nervous. Obviously, something had happened.

"What?" The girl frowned.

* * *

"I'm so sorry, it's all my fault!" Roma whined desperately.

"For the last time, stop apologising, it was Enji-San who was stupid enough to forget to mention that he had mobbed the floor."

"But..."

Touka wasn't listening, she was too occupied to stare at the mess that was in the storage room. All the coffee beans were spilled on the ground, broken glass, even some of the machines they had stored there were completely broken. The poor girl felt like having a heart attack.

"I can't believe this..." She turned towards the two ghouls, lips firm and expression strict. "How did this happen?"

Roma was fidgeting with her fingers, not daring to face her colleague. "I, uh, and Nishio-sempai were organising the storage room, I accidentally tripped because of the slippy floor and bumped into Nishio-sempai... Then... Everything came down with a crash..."

The high school girl didn't answer. She stared at the mess and back at the two waiters. Finally, she let out a sigh. "You two, try to clean this place as much as possible. I'll try to serve the customers with what we have left. The manager is not going to like this." She muttered as she went to change into her uniform.

Her final high school year hadn't even started and the felt drained already. She quickly tied her hair before she went down and started to serve the arriving customers.

* * *

 Noon arrived, but for the ukaku ghoul, it felt like she had been stuck here for hours. It was probably the stress her two co-workers gave her. She really started to miss her apartment and mostly her bed. Roma had already left, so it was just her and Nishiki. She focused on cleaning, not wanting her mind to wander somewhere else, but she was a bit too focused that she didn't notice Nishiki's eyes to her, until later.

The teen stopped her actions and stared at the man confused. He kept quiet, eyes glued on her face as if he was contemplating something. "What?!" The blue-haired girl finally spoke. His gaze was starting to get on her nerves, worse than how she felt the last couple of hours.

Nishiki kept quiet for a bit longer, trying to phrase his words, until he finally opened ha mouth. "You..."

The girl crooked her eyebrows.

"Is that a hickey on your neck?"

Touka froze, her hand moved unconsciously to the place the bikaku ghoul had pointed. "Wha... What do you mean?"

"How else do you want me to say it?" The man asked. A grin spreading on his face. "That mark can't be a bug since they can't even break through our skin."

"M-mark?!" The girl shrieked as she quickly ran to the toilet and locked it.

She stared at the mirror and just like Nishiki said, there was a red mark on her neck. "That idiot!" She hissed, cursing softly for her lover's enthusiasm to show his affection for her. How did she not notice this sooner?!

"So, for how long have you been holding your rendezvous?" Nishiki asked in a teasing tone from behind the door. Earning a scolding and cursing in return from the girl. She refused to leave the bathroom for the rest of the evening, refusing to show the mark in public and her extremely embarrassed face. Kaneki was so going to get it when she sees him again.

* * *

Touka was mentally exhausted when she finished working, she had to look for a band-aid kit and use a plaster to hide the hickey from the customers, Irimi, Yomo, and Yoshimura who returned just before her shift ended.

Irimi seemed to have noticed the object on her neck but didn't question her about it. If Nishiki would ever rattle on about it, she'd twist his neck and send him straight to the graveyard after a heavy beating. She probably wouldn't need to, since she's figured he would be scolded by the man for the mess and the broken items in the storage room. Ah, karma could be so nice from time to time.

When the teen was nearing her building she stopped in her tracks after she spotted a figure in front of her apartment. She decided to approach the person carefully, but she soon figured out that there was no need to.

"Touka-chan!"

"Yoriko." The ghoul had almost forgotten that she had promised to meet up with her friend today before the start of her school year. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long. There was a bit of a problem at work..."

"Really? Like what? Has it something to do with the injury to your neck?"

The ukaku ghoul almost choked at the mention of her neck, she quickly recovered herself. "N-no! Just some mess, my colleagues made in the storage room!" The girl defended as she inserted her keys in the door and allowed her friend inside.

The moment they were inside the human turned to her friend and eyed her suspiciously, "hum hum, Touka-chan has been doing naughty stuff with her boyfriend?"

"No!" The girl quickly answered, a bit too quickly in Yoriko's opinion.

"Don't worry, you're at that age, you both are. Wanting to experiment is only natural. But you have to tell me everything!"

"Yoriko, I haven't done anything with him! I swear and could you, please drop the subject?!" Her cheeks were turning rosier by the second.

"Then what's the plaster for?" The blonde's grin widened. "We don't need it for mosquito bites, cutting yourself there is unlikely and you don't own any pets."

By now Touka felt like her head had been placed in a sauna. Why did her friend have to be so observant?

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about Touka-chan. It's good that your boyfriend loves you so much that he even shows it and leaves signs. You know how hard it is to find such a devoted person."

If only she knew the whole story. "I repeat, we haven't done anything. This could also be an allergic reaction."

"Is that why your face is so red?"

Damn, she should have come up with the excuse sooner.

"But I'm glad."

Touka looked up at her friend, slightly confused.

"You sounded quite sad the last time we spoke and when I saw you, you seemed... Distraught. At least, there is someone who can cheer you up when I can't."

The blue-haired teen stayed silent. Her lips parted slightly, but no sound came out. She imagined that melancholic smile of his, which aside from that, was able to show his warmth when she looked into his eyes. Her heart pounded slightly harder and she felt heat creeping up in her chest. "You're right..." She mumbled softly, almost inaudible for humans. 'And I hope, I can do the same for him.'

The two girls talked for the rest of the evening, about their school, future, and dreams, thought Touka wasn't really sure about her dreams, since she knew, whenever she was starting to enjoy herself too much or become happy from the bottom of her heart, she knew that something would come to destroy her illusion.

After Yoriko left, Touka felt the emptiness creeping up on her. She let out a heavy, tired sigh and walked into the living room, where she slumped on her couch and turned on the television. What she saw made her freeze.

"Another slaughter occurred not long ago in the 19th ward. The details have not been revealed yet, but it appears to have taken place somewhere near an abandoned building. Unidentified bodies have been discovered at the crime scene. It is believed that the bodies belong to both humans and ghouls. The CCG has been speculating that it may have a connection to a previous case of theirs, but their certainty is quite low. The investigator in charge of this case noted how different the scene looked compared to the previous slaughters, video scenes will not be shown due to the gruesome images."

Quiet like a statue, her body didn't react, her brain couldn't think, everything was frozen, immobile. Even though nothing was said, no real details but something inside her screamed that Kaneki could have been involved, that he had something to do with that. _'Did... Did he do that?'_ But he would never hurt a human, after all, the struggle he went through during his first weeks as a half-ghoul.

A memory resurfaced in her mind, on the day he appeared before her again, her mind was between the realm of sleep and consciousness, so her mind hadn't registered it very well, but now, it felt like she understood clearly.

**_"I'll pluck every one of them that gets in the way."_ **

She already noticed the changes and she weren't talking about the sadness he always had in his eyes and words or his melancholic behaviour of his hair or nails. It was something else; instability.

She noticed, since the first moment; the finger cracking, his tenseness, his guard was most of the time up. She had noticed how he seemed to look between the crowd at the aquarium as if he expected something to jump out and the need he placed in his kisses, his gestures as if everything would slip between his fingers and disappear.

She wasn't sure how drastic the change was, but she was starting to see behind his mask. Those small fragments of madness seeping out from the remains of his old gentle personality.

The ghoul took another deep breath, trying to get the lump out of her throat. Why? Why does it always have to happen? The girl glanced at the TV again, determined she stood up and took out her jacket, mask and headed out towards her old home.

* * *

The rain had subdued by now, but the sky was still covered by the clouds, giving off a gloomy feel to the ward. The place felt strange to her, almost foreign. The quiet rustling of the leaves, the smell, the unusual silence, the memories, everything felt like it belonged to a different lifetime. A warmer, happier one, filled with laughter and joy. But that was all in the past: buried, washed away with tears of remorse and hate.

Touka closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she opened them again. She was standing on the roof of her old home, wearing a long jacket with a hoodie and her mask hidden in her pockets, gazing over the quiet neighbourhood. Everything looked the same, even her now run down old house. Like it was frozen in time, stuck in the past like a painting. Are her old neighbours still living there? Has any human even dared to live in a street where ghouls used to live? She saw Satou at the aquarium, but it didn't prove that she still lived here.

The girl had the urge to take a look inside, but decided against it, since it wasn't her main objective, besides what good would it do to visit these painful memories, which she tried so hard to bury in the depths of her mind. Without looking back, she quickly jumped from roof to roof, on her way to the scene, leaving her past behind.

It didn't take long to find it, probably about five minutes. Touka remembered it as the place where she and Ayato often played hide and seek. It was spaciousness deserted, perfect for a ghoul to hang around.

The ukaku ghoul dropped to the ground, glancing around suspiciously. Unlike the police, the CCG wouldn't return to the places where ghouls killed. Because unlike humans, they mostly killed for food and then go on to the next one without looking back. Kagune remains aren't easy to trace back to a person either.

The girl stepped inside the building, the stench of rotten flesh, blood and dead, was still strongly present. Touka's nose twitched in disgust. She didn't know what to expect, the CCG had probably taken everything with them. The girl took a few steps while she scanned the area, the signs of battle were visible on the broken walls, holes in the empty containers and the mess that was around. Judging by the cracks and damage on the ground, the damage seemed to be inflicted by a bikaku and koukaku, but the damage on the walls obviously showed to be destroyed by a rinkaku kagune.

The teen continued her walk deeper into the building, she knew the CCG overlooked a few things, humans aren't as sharp as ghouls. Many familiar rooms came into sight, big, smaller ones until she entered what was what she and Ayato used to refer as their secret room, situated in the back of the building and hard to discover, because of the fallen pillars and run down condition of the building.

The girl stopped in her tracks, the room was in a worse state than everything else: dried blood everywhere, body parts of both humans and ghouls lay sprawled on the floor or splattered on the walls. There was a torn off arm, with the bones sticking to some tore apart tissue. On the corner, she swore she saw something that seemed like a dried up spleen and her nose caught something utterly revolting.

Touka held back the urge to vomit as she stepped closer to the source of the stench. Behind some pillars, she found a man, probably a few years older than her, his expression looked completely horrified and there as a huge hole in his stomach, his colon, and small intestines lay exposed on the ground in a pool of bile, they still seemed attached to the body. His kidneys were missing. Touka guessed that they were somewhere in the room. Despite the gruesome state of the body, something else made the teenager more distraught. From the ghoul's body, were large chunks taken off. "Cannibalised..." The girl muttered.

She bent down, taking a closer look at the corpse until she heard footsteps right behind her. The girl glanced up at the newcomer, only one word escaping her lips. "Ayato..."

The newcomer was none other than her own younger brother Kirishima Ayato. One she thought she wouldn't encounter again after their fight at Aogiri's base. Ayato stared at his sister, obviously as surprised as she. "What are you doing here?" He asked her, there was no sign of insecurity or weakness in his voice, only solemnity.

"I could ask you the same thing." The ukaku ghoul answered back.

"What I'm doing is none of your business." He answered. His eyes narrowing at the girl.

Touka's expression remained blank. The memory of their last battle was clearly imprinted in her mind, but at the moment, she felt too empty to feel anything or show any signs of desperation or hurt. She ignored her brother and turned back to the corpse. "There is nothing here." She answered.

"I can see that, dumbass."

"Do they know that you're here?"

"What does it matter if they know or don't know?"

She kept silent again. Ayato groaned and slowly got closer to his sister, attention also fixated on the body. There was no need to explain because they both knew each other's reason for visiting the place of their memories. Making sure that nothing would make those doves assume that it was their doing.

"There are more." The boy muttered. Touka slightly glanced at him, before checking the corpse again.

"I had the feeling already. This is probably one of their playgrounds."

Her brother glanced around the room, scanning every detail until he turned to his sister. "You know who did this, do you?"

Touka didn't answer. Her eyes finally left the corpse as she glanced at her brother and walked to another corner of the room. More mutilated body parts lay sprawled on the floor. "It's different." She mumbled, much to Ayato's surprise and confusion.

A clattering sound diverted the siblings from their focus. They turned around and glanced at an unknown ghoul. He wore torn clothes and a lot of piercings on his face. It was all silent for a minute until the newcomer spoke. "Hah, well look what the cat brought in."

Touka raised a brow in confusion. Ayato's stayed passive, his expression stoic and cold. None of them reacted much. "Are you part of the group who's responsible for the disturbance in the ward?" The female ghoul asked.

"So, what if I am?" The man sneered. "But what are two little brats doing here on our ground? Are you linked to the one who did this or are you the perpetrators?"

The youngest of the siblings narrowed his eyes and let out a huff that sounded more like a taunt. "I have no obligation to answer that or to explain myself," The boy huffed, closing his eyes as he did so and slightly opening them to show his kakugan. "How about you just scram and go play hide and seek with your buddies before I rip your face off." He hissed.

Touka let out a soft sigh. She knew all too well where this was going, though this time she felt more like the bystander, but by guessing the other Ghoul's attitude she'd get dragged into it anyway.

"You really have some nerve brat." The ghoul spat. "I don't like it when others are too full of themselves."

The female ukaku ghoul tensed as she quickly glanced behind her, only to see that they weren't the only ones. Great, he brought his servants with him.

"Touka, don't get in the way," Ayato warned her in an emotionless tone.

"You think I have any interest in this." The teen mumbled tiredly. "They lump me together with you because we're siblings. I'm in no mood for this." The girl took a step back as she also activated her kakugan. Yup, she was sure if word gets to the manager, she'd get the scolding of a lifetime.

"Sucks to be you."

In less than a second, the two ukaku jumped into the air, surprising their opponents with shooting shards at the ghouls and quickly knocking a few out with a punch or kick.

"Don't just stand there! Get them!" The man ordered. "Ryota-san will have your heads if those brats keep walking around!"

The Ghoul's quickly snapped out of their surprised daze and went into action. Also, activating their kakugan and releasing their kagune.

Ayato quickly moved to the left and landed a kick on an approaching ghoul. Sending him to another one, while Touka sent another one crashing into the wall with some swift punches. Despite their disadvantage in numbers, they had no problem with holding their ground, despite the strength of their opponent. A quick duck, followed by an elbow in the stomach and another ghoul went down. Their ukaku nature made it hard for their opponents to land an easy hit on them.

"Those kids are pissing me off! Halt their movement already!" The leader growled.

The two siblings kept dodging, skillfully, but they had to admit their opponents were no weaklings.

Ayato let out a growl of frustration when a bikaku kagune scratched his right leg. He knew that if they kept going, they would run out of stamina sooner or later and Touka would probably be the first to do so. The boy glanced at his sister for a second, she definitely wasn't as weak and vulnerable like the last time he saw her, but then again, she wasn't fighting her own brother this time. He swiftly manoeuvred his way towards his sister, while skillfully landing a few jabs on his opponents.

"Touka." The boy called out.

His sister turned, after reflecting an incoming attack. One second was enough for the two to communicate. It was something they used to do since they were young and despite how much they've been estranged from each other, they still knew what the other was thinking. The teen gave a slight nod as both of them turned their backs to each other. They released their kagune and send a wave of projectiles into the room, skillfully moving to fill the whole room like a circle, tearing down a wall in the process and quickly proceeding to the corridor.

"Tch, those brats are no pushovers." The gang leader muttered as he continued to observe how the Kirishima siblings handled his goons. "But neither are we." The man smirked sadistically.

* * *

The two siblings finally arrived at what seemed to be the exit of the building. By now Touka had lost count of how long it had been since she entered the building. The girl let out a loud sigh as she sat down and leaned against a wall.

"You're tired, already?" Ayato scoffed. "I expected you'd toughen up more after last time."

"Look who's talking." The teen smiled softly.

The boy raised his eyebrow, glaring at her. "Haaah?"

"Whenever you're getting tired, you always clenched your hands." The teenager pointed out.

The male glanced down at his fist, to notice that he had them clenched. A snort of irritation escaped his lips. "It's nothing."

There was a short silence between them before Touka continued the conversation. "No matter how much changed about you, there are things that will always stay the same."

Her brother didn't answer, he didn't even meet her in the eyes and just glanced around instead. Just because it was quiet, did not mean that they were safe. "Why are you here?" He asked again.

"I had to make sure of something." The blue-haired teen answered.

"Haven't you thought about the dangers?! A weakling like you would end up dead in seconds!"

"And despite that, I'm still alive."

"Because I had your back, idiot!" The ukaku ghoul barked back.

Again, Touka allowed silence to fill the place before she spoke again. "So, why are you here? It's not like you'll be affected by what's happening here."

This time, it was the younger Kirishima's turn to keep the silence. "I was bored."

"So, instead of killing those doves, you decided to visit our old home and kill the ghouls that are creating trouble instead?"

"... That woman is not alive anymore."

It took a few seconds before Touka could register what her brother meant. "You killed Satou obaa-San?!"

Ayato glared dangerously. "Don't fucking tell me you even felt sorry for that piece of trash! After all the shit she did to us! I should have killed her sooner if only that bitch hadn't moved!"

"I'm not talking about pity or mercy! Haven't you thought about what would happen if you were caught?! Or if those doves find any leads?!"

A sadistic smirk appeared on his face. "So what? I've been doing it with doves all the time! Besides, she probably planned to visit those fucking doves!"

Touka froze. So, she did recognise her? Or had she only thought that she looked similar? How did Ayato know? "Where... Where did you get that information from?"

"I saw her talking to some guy when I got back from a mission. Sure, those doves can only dream to get me, but I am not in the mood to get those fucking humans chasing after me. It's me who's supposed to chase them!" He stated coldly.

The female ghoul stayed silent, she understood the meaning behind Ayato's words, she understood since their last meeting. The boy never was the type of person who'd reveal his intentions, even as a little boy, he kept it all cooped up, like Kaneki. She clenched her hands, they were trembling. Not out of fear, but out of understanding and remorse. He hadn't changed much and she did neither.

"Holy shit, who would have thought that they'd be so similar!"

The siblings looked up to see a middle-aged man, probably within his end thirty or begin forty, sitting lazily on a pillar. He wore torn, worn down clothes, messy hair, it was hard to make out if the dark colour of his hair was his real hair colour or a result not taking a regular shower. His eyes were brown and a dirty cloth band on his head. He was carrying a half-empty bottle with red liquid in his hand. Neither of the two had sensed him. Touka quickly got up, while Ayato tensed, giving the man an icy stare.

"Aww, don't mind me. Continue on with your awkward sibling bonding, we're getting at the good part."

"What the fuck do you want from us?!"

"Just observing, since my right-hand man told me my men were beaten up by some kids who were responsible for yesterday's slaughter. You have no idea how surprised I was. But considering that the brats who've been beating up my goons are Arata's spawn. Damn, you two really look like him!"

Upon hearing his father's name Ayato's eyes narrowed.

"Where... Do you know our father from?" Touka asked cautiously.

"Let's just say we used to compete in the past." The man answered. "But my relation with him has nothing to do with you guys, I am not that kind of person." He took a gulp from his bottle and wiped his face with his sleeves.

"So, instead, you'll hold us accountable for our actions?" Ayato asked in a guarded tone.

"You could say that, only for your actions."

The two siblings gave the man an odd glance.

"Unlike my stupid subordinates, I wasn't born yesterday, it's obvious that the two of you had nothing to do with last night's slaughter, you came here to inspect the situation and make sure you're safe from getting on the doves' radar. The difference of the wounds on the bodies and those you inflicted on my subordinates, is plainly obvious."

"So, you're the leader of those goons," Touka commented

He looked down at the two ghouls, a sadistic grin appeared on his face. "Name's Ryota, young lady."

Touka and Ayato's bodies grew tense. They immediately got up and activated their kakugan.

"Anyway, whatever the reason, I still don't like it when others come to my turf uninvited. The penalty for all of those is the same of course."

Within a flash, Ryota disappeared. Before the two siblings could register what happened the man appeared behind them and sent them both flying into a pillar. They were able to recover quickly and jump away before another attack hit the pillar and left it in pieces.

"Trash like you annoy me the most," Ayato growled as he released his kagune, sending crystals towards the older ghoul.

The man quickly dodged them, but Touka's kick caught him off guard and threw him on the ground.

"Ugh!"

Ayato quickly jumped in for a chain attack, not allowing their opponent any openings. His kagune pierced through the ghoul's body. Leaving him coughing in blood.

"Not bad for two brats. But that's expected from Arata's kids. Now it's my turn again."

While his wound was still bleeding, the man got up as if he had only received a sting. He grabbed one of the iron pillars on the ground and flung it towards the ukaku ghouls. The two swiftly moved away, allowing the pillar to crash into the wall, leaving a large hole behind.

 _'This guy is no pushover!'_ The female ghoul thought as she lunged towards her target.

Touka's kagune went straight for the male's throat, but he quickly dodged it.

Touka and Ayato quickly jumped away, climbing the walls, until they arrived on the rooftop where the battle continued.

Despite the perfect teamwork of the siblings, Ryota could easily keep up with the two ukaku ghouls.

"It doesn't matter how strong you are, compared to me, you lack too much experience."

"Don't act cocky, just because you're older than us. You're still at a disadvantage when it comes to numbers." Touka gritted her teeth in anger.

The Ryota's grin widened.

**"Hah, numbers? Numbers don't matter to me. The only thing that matters is raw power!"**

His sclera became black, his iris completely red. Touka could only register the red before she felt something rush past her and a yelp reached her ears. To her, it felt like the world had come to a standstill. Her vision only saw red, the flabbergasted expression of Ayato would haunt her for the rest of her life together with the maniacal laughter of the ghoul.

"... Aya... To..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really remember what I was thinking while writing this since I've been writing this bit by bit during these months. I just thought of some funny moments I wanted to include. Nishiki's teasing is my fav of this chapter. I also was planning to add Ayato in this story for a while. I love their sibling relationship and despite the way he acts and all, he really cares for Touka. I think despite the sour meeting they had the previous time, I don't think they would hold it against each other. Touka cares a lot for Ayato and Ayato cares a lot for Touka. So, they would keep silent about it and pretend like nothing happened. At least, that's how I think it would go. Ayato took revenge for his sister and himself! While Touka won't say it out loud. Somewhere inside she feels a bit relieved for what Ayato did. Despite the character change she still held a grudge for Satou because she wanted to turn them into the CCG back then. It left a deep scar on those two. At least, they finally had payback. Karma is a bitch, they say and that old hag Satou deserved it. I still think Ayato was soft for going for the quick kill.


End file.
